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Given: May 3, 2021 at 12:15am
Length: 840 Characters |
806 w/o WritingML
Good premise, but I think you should add some more detail to it. It's very rushed. The writing style you used reminds me a lot of the writing used in classic fairy tales; a simple moral with simple characters, but stories we still read today.
I like the imagery you placed; for example; in "he was dragged and thrown" and "he began trembling as sweat ran down his body." Some of the wording is off in "form form" (although I assume that's a typo), "the dreaded thing got him", "his hot-headed head"("head" is repetition so you could replace it with "his hot head"), and "rich brat breded."
Keep working on it though! Writing does not come easy to anyone . Practice writing, and read a whole bunch, and soon your writing will get better
Thank you for letting me review, here is a strawberry donut
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