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 Review #4627001 |
  |  | MikeWrites' Blog  [18+] A collection of thoughts and comments on various topics.  |
| (4.0)| Hallo! I enjoyed reading this short, graphic description of a birthday outing with family in honour of your wife. You bring the scene alive in front of the reader's eyes. As some of the 'comments' say - I'm glad you celebrated with family. You had me smiling at the reference to French Fries, and at the boxes taken home, because I experienced both those things just yesterday myself! Suggestions: 1. Some WritingML, like font, size and line-spacing. 2. I'd have liked some more warmth in the piece - some dialogue, some more feeling / emotion. While the description was well written, it felt a bit detached, kind of like what an observer would write. I am guessing there was a lot of feeling involved and I'd like it to have been expressed. I say this, not as a criticism, but because I think the piece has a lot more potential to be relatable and memorable. Use more of the word count allowed! 3. It may be just me, but I had to read the last paragraph again to understand what happened. From what I gather, there was a cashier's stand there pre-pandemic and it isn't there any more ... ? It's confusing to me because you start with masks and sneeze shields which are in place now. (Sorry if I'm just being slow, others don't seem to have had this problem!) Thanks for sharing this! Write On!  Reviewed by a member of
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/02/2021 @ 4:18pm EDT