*Here I would show what happens when the temperature drops. Maybe the wind picked up causing her to shiver.

* I noticed you didn't leave a linespace between some of these paragraphs. I would edit that.

The temperature dropped and wishing she’d brought a jacket, Dorothy began to walk faster.

* Nice build up of tension here:

Turning her head to see if she was being followed, she tripped, falling heavily. The phone smashed, leaving her in complete darkness. Things get even worse.

Oh no. She can't get out.

Well we hope she did but still she got bit. Hmm..

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .