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 Review #4630208 |
 | To Meet the Reaper Early  [E] Death is not always the end, sometimes it's a brand new beginning  |
| (4.0)| Well, it's a much-pondered scenario, the death followed by a second chance idea, but you handled it well, finding a route both interesting (in that the return is at a split second after the departure - love the continuing flight through to the landing) and suitable to a story intended to be brief. I like the guy who walks up and says, "You're early," as well. He introduces a lighter vein than the introduction (which is a bit heavy with intimations of suicide amid a rather dark atmosphere). Not that there's anything wrong with "dark" but the heaviness is the result of your trying too hard to get the reader in the mood. You throw an awful lot of wordy descriptions at the reader in that beginning. I have to resist that urge too, so I know it's better to go looking for the exactly right word, rather than use everything that occurs. They'll all get their moment in the sun in later pieces and definitely books. Think clarity rather than a demonstration of your ability. The important thing is communication and this can easily get lost if too many words clamour for attention. Other than that, it's obvious that you can write. There are no grammatical errors worth mentioning and, once it gets going, the story hums along at an agreeable pace without hitches. You describe yourself as relatively new to writing and, I would suggest that, having started so well, you're bound to become a very good writer. All that's necessary is that you keep writing.    Beholden  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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