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Review #4630253
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I know it's a story about relationships but I find the description of Venus quite fascinating. It reminds me of something I once read, a consideration of what life native to Saturn would be like, floating like the daisies in the clouded atmosphere.

This statement in the first paragraph brought me to screeching halt: "The wizen aeronaunt." Did you mean "the wizened aeronaut?" I notice that you continue to use the word "aeronaunt" throughout the piece and I have to presume that it's either a misspelling or an invention for the purpose of scifi writing. Surely not your mother's sister who can pilot an aircraft!

A bit further on I came upon this phrase: "The youth tread across the faux wood planks..." The past tense of "tread" is "trod."

Other than those minor quibbles, I found no errors in the writing. It's an interesting story with considerable imagination and invention poured into creating the future world it's set in. The ending is slightly weak in that it produces no surprises. It might be an idea to extend the story so that we can see how Shayne does on the planet and whether he and his father get things together again. I think it has great potential.


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