Hello LorenIsOneOfMyNames,

This is the review of your Rising Stars September task, "Persuasive Dialog" .

General Comments:
I enjoyed reading this and it was filled with emotion. Sounds like this would be a great idea for a story.

You seem to have understood the gist of the lesson this week because you do have conflict in this piece and one character was trying to convince the other to use their phone.

I was getting a little confused by which character was which. When the name Caleb was introduced for one of the characters, that I thought was female, made it more confusing for me.

Technical Stuff:

“Why exactly do you need to call him anyway?”
A comma is needed after the word him.

“I mean what I said. How. Do. You. Know. Me.” I say dragging each syllable out.
A comma is needed after the phrase I say.

Nothing really happened,
Consider changing the comma here to a period.


Conclusion:

As I said, you understood the lesson and the purpose of all these lessons was to introduce you to new techniques and ideas.

One week left!!!

Kindest Regards, Lilli

***Disclaimer***
The comments herein are just my humble opinions. Use whatever is useful; discard the rest. I'm not an editor, proof-reader, or any of the like. When I read and review, I am reading as a 'reader', to be entertained. You know your work better than anyone else! If I make a suggestion or a comment, it is meant in the spirit of 'helping' and I welcome the same when people review my work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .