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Review #4665279
Viewing a review of:
 Valtus and Nevadus  [13+]
History that explains the creation of Quito with fantasy.
by Gabo
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
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This was an interesting mythological history of Quito. Like many myths, it does a great job of explaining a modern-day phenomenon (in this case, why Quito has such cold weather and is on the slopes of an active volcano).

There were a handful of points where the story got a little confusing and I think would have benefitted from a little editing and proofreading. For example, the father promises that, if his prayers are answered, he will come to the volcano "every night, every year end with a little of his blood." Does that mean the father will visit every night and then once a year he will come with his son's blood? The way the sentence was structured made it confusing what was being promised. Similarly, the ending of the story got a little confusing in terms of the sequence of events, and might benefit from some paragraph breaks, additional description, and fine-tuning to make sure the story reads well.

Overall, I thought this was an interesting myth and one I hadn't heard before, so I greatly enjoyed it from that perspective. It does need a fair bit of editing, but you're off to a good start.

Also, on a side note, you might want to consider listing this in "Mythology" for at least one of its genres so you can make sure it finds the right audience. *Smile*



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