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 Review #4669282 |
 | My Sister Kathy  [E] My friend, co-conspirator, sometimes enemy.  |
| (4.5)   Happy days Amyjo! Welcome to WDC!Celebrating 22 years of WDC history with a review for you!   Wow! This poem was a moving tribute to your sister. Condolences that she left so early. It is hard to deal with such illness and bittersweet when one is happy the sick one is not suffering anymore. Yet, the absence is sad! Kudos for you now able to express the relationship you had with her and your hope for her. The idea of wings is beautiful. The voice of the poet speaking to the deceased is effective as we do often talk to those who have gone on, as if we sense they are somehow aware of us.  I would add "Experience" Or "Emotional" as a genre as opposed to "Writing" as it is more specific. I wanted to add the word "was" in the second line to improve flow and add length of line. eg. was so short.  The poem has a 4 line structure with a good rhyme scheme. I did not notice an even syllable count for an even flow yet reading aloud I was only thrown out a bit in the first verse which could a bit of tweaking. Of course the short lines could be for effect. "Cancer took you in your prime, your life it did distort" came to mind. But that is just me playing. I wondered about the word "interesting" . I liked the image of the crazy schemes and you leave it to our imagination. I have 3 sisters so I can imagine. The thing is we could change teams!  Some use of alliteration like "thick as thieves" and assonance assisted the flow and soundscape. Minimum punctuation works well here. Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable theme in a poetic manner and for sharing your gift. I could enter into the memory written from an observant voice. Good job! Thanks for letting me play in your expression. Have a great time at our WDC Party! eyestar reviewing with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" !   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/01/2022 @ 3:52pm EDT