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Review by Dave
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Greetings, Ronnie!

Welcome to this international community dedicated to writing inspiration. I noted your introduction on the "Noticing Newbies"  forum and wanted to offer a few observations in the interest of friendly hospitality and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing more than one man's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

Unless your name is Stephen King, or that of some other famous author, whose reputation is enough to attract a fawning audience, the title is one of the most important elements of any composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

The sign on this door creates a sense of intrigue with its peculiar spin on the traditional Halloween incantation.

OPENING HOOK:

Once you lure the wandering readers into your lair, the next step is to keep them engaged.

The cautionary bit of dialogue is effective in producing a sense of impending danger.

NARRATIVE:

Step by step, the dialogue between Sasha and her grandmother incrementally increase the tension with regard to what the future may bring during Sasha's first night out.

I believe you could strengthen your audience's connection with these people by providing a few specific characteristics filtered through the narrative to help them "see" the pictures on the screens of their imaginations. For example, what type of "costume" is Sasha wearing?

That last line was totally unexpected and sent a shiver down my spine.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I noted the comment in your bio that you were "trying to write like my favorite authors, and then judging myself that my writing wasn't as good as theirs." One of the easiest ways to learn how to do something is by imitation. From the very first words we speak as infants, we are encouraged to follow the ways of others to learn the proper ways of doing things. We mimic those behaviors over and over until they become second nature and we develop the confidence we need to venture out on our own.

While imitation of the technical elements of crafting can be helpful, the philosophies and ideas of others should not be copied directly just because they are successful or popular. If they appeal to you, do the research and study the primary sources on the topic until you have a full comprehension of the topic. Only then will you be able to express those thoughts in your own terms.

Language is a malleable medium, like clay, to be molded and shaped to suit each individual’s purpose. Once you have developed the skills to mold effectively by imitation, you will be able to find your own style and rhythm so that every element in your being can contribute to your writing. No one else was born to your parents at just that time and place and has lived through the exact same experiences and reached the same conclusions as you have. Therefore, you are the only one qualified to express precisely what you think about any situation. This is what makes your work original. Emotional freedom, integrity and the special quality of your own work are not what you start with, but they are what you finally attain through patience, diligence and inspiration.

Creativity thrives on experimentation and exploration. It lives on discovery, and readers read to discover. As creative writers, we must let our imaginations lead us through their mysterious wanderings to that point of unveiling, like a special gift *Gift4* being examined, shaken to see if it rattles, and finally unwrapped. We must develop a sense of wonder and curiosity that can be attained only through practice. Composing a piece of fiction is a process of collecting and arranging various language components--some intentional and some accidental--over time. The words invade our consciousness and provoke a sensitivity to their interaction, as we flex our writing muscles. Practice does not always mean tedious work; in this case, it’s more like play. Writers begin by experimenting with words and phrases, just as a child becomes entranced by the various possible configurations possible with the sticks and spools in a box of TinkerToys.

The more we work out in the author's gym, the stronger our writing will be as we keep climbing that trail to the Peak of Perfection. Instead of constantly gazing at that distant peak, we measure success by the progress we achieve from one day to the next, from one week to the next, from one year to the next. Judging from this presentation, you are well along on that trail. Write on!

Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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