 Comedy: July 07, 2021 Issue [#10858] |
This week: Autocorrecta’s Gonna Get Cha! Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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| Just when we thought the convenience of a smartphone would bring us closer to family and friends, that bully called Autocorrect comes out to spoil the joy. |
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I have no idea why Autocorrect thinks it can read my mind. It’s insulting that my words get torn away from me and replaced with good ol’ Auto’s. Autocorrect is not the boss of me.
Does this genius in the machinery of my laptop or cell phone think it’s the boss of me? It causes many issues when trying to communicate with others. Sometimes it slips away without the edit and a reply with a huge question mark returns as the response of whoever I was texting.
There was a discussion about the behavior of certain animals in the wild. Otters came up with a warning that although they are cute and look so cuddly, they are basically muscular creatures with sharp teeth and nails. They pry open clam shells for goodness sake. They don’t care if there’s a cute baby duck swimming by, that’s lunch. So, who would approach them to take an up close photo? No, not me – sheesh, I’m not that obtuse. I have a healthy respect for animals in the wilderness even if they come close to one’s backyard.
While the group chat was going over the nastiness of an otter if approached accompanied by a video of screams in the background, due to an angry otter, someone mentioned they didn’t realize how viscous vicious an otter could be. I responded that those cute little baby ducks that an otter may eat also grow up to be violent. Yup, saw it with my own eyes on the lake outside my Florida room, window. One Juvenile duck, of mating age couldn’t get the female duck interested in him and resorted to taking her by force. That included jumping on her and holding her head under water. I thought it was quite a violent way to mate. I mean, I saw that duck when it was just a chick the season before.
Well WebWitch, what does that have to do with autocorrect? I’m getting to that …
When I sent in my response and called the act “duck-rape,” it was immediately corrected without my knowledge, and I received a bunch of LOL emojis, and one commented how important the edit tool is in chat. Evidently My genius autocorrect replaced my words with “Duck Tape.” Yup, duck tape can be scary, too, I suppose.
It is always important to edit before sending!
And while we are at it, neither is Google the boss of me. I know that to be true because I asked my very brilliant tech-savvy son if that was so . He replied, “No WebMom, Google isn’t the boss of you.” I asked him because a message kept popping-up asking me to fill-in my birthday. It was somehow now required after all these years of getting by without it. Yeah, sure, required so Google gets an idea of what ads would be appealing to someone in my age group. Finally, when I couldn’t join a particular video site without putting in this information, I had the bright idea that I should be just as bossy as my autocorrect. So, I filled in the date I thought I really meant, but didn’t know better in my ignorance as a person of words. I believe the first day of the first month of the year 1899 was my choice. Why not, eh? I await the lovely ads they will try to push on me now! Photos of J.S. Thurman’s motor-driven vacuum cleaner would probably show up on websites I visit.
That's all she correctly wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter!
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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DRSmith  Weights in on my last Comedy Newsletter. "Comedy Newsletter (June 9, 2021)" Caution, there's a D. R. Smith poetic joke to follow. 
Hiya, Witch
After looking over you newsie, I noticed you referenced Ben L's poem about his mother being a hooker. It inspired a little ditty on the topic, only formatted along the lines of a familiar nursery rhyme about the old lady who lived in a shoe. Thought you might enjoy a giggle-snort with morning coffee.
I knew an old woman who’s done turning tricks;
too old to work in brothels, much less compete with chicks.
So she sent her oldest daughter and brother Moe as pimp,
out to work the corner stoop so she won’t have to scrimp.
Well, I'm speechless!    
I made the font tiny so nobody would notice it. 
Thank you for your feedback and poetry. 
See you next time, folks!
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