This week: Cataract Chronicals: Eye didn't know! Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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| As the appointment arrived to get my lenses measured for replacements during cataract surgery, I discovered things I never thought about. |
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Hello, folks!
The last time I left off in the March Comedy Newsletter, I was awaiting my appointment with the ophthalmologist. (I can never seem to spell that word correctly. I think it’s spelled that way so people think something must be wrong with their eyes because they can’t write it without a red line showing up.) Anyway, I went to the eye specialist, ( a word I can spell, ) and prepared for the lens fitting so that I get the proper size, shape and visual acuity that is expected. It took at least two and a half hourse because I needed to get the whole eye exam again! Even though the doctor who discovered my cataracts did the entire testing for my eyes, each doctor wants their own eye testing records. Got that? It’s yet another way to slice the pie so by the time you can “see” again you discover your co-pays creeping up exponentially.  I can spell that word easily. 
Once that was done I got to meet the surgeon. I like him and trust him which is important. He told me about the lenses that would be best for my eyes which are exactly the ones I had in mind when I looked up different lenses on line. I want near distance and far distance sight. I don’t care if I need to wear reading glasses. Those, I am used to wearing in the form of “cheaters” for more than twenty years. So everything was moving along from that point forward. All the tests were finished, my lenses could be ordered and the only thing left to do was to see the scheduler to set up the dates for each eye. The doctor even noted on his instructions that I could have the eyes done one week apart rather than two or more, since I told him I usually head up North in May. I left that visit a happy camper. 
The Appointment Scheduler:
I handed her the paperwork from my doctor. She scanned her appointment software, and her finger kept sliding upward. 
“Okay, WebWitch, your first eye can be done on May 22nd. And, your second eye …”
I interrupted her. “The doctor said I can get them done a week apart.”
“Yes, I see that in his instructions, but the following week is Memorial Day and we’ll be closed.”
 “There’s nothing sooner? I wanted to be back up North by the time my first eye gets done.”
“I’m sorry. There are no earlier dates open for cataract surgery. Plus, the doctor only does cataract surgery on Mondays, which is why a Monday holiday messes up the availability for any days sooner than June 5th. “
She points to a group of green outlined files behind her that was about a foot’s worth of tightly packed space. “These are the more serious eye problems such as corneal transplants. They are considered more of an emergency.”
“Oh, I see. Well, could you place me on a cancellation list should someone cancel their appointment or God forbid, dies while waiting for their upcoming appointment?”
“Of course WebWitch. You are already added.”
Oh, sure, already added. Do they tell that to all their patients? I think it’s just tossing a ray of hope that will fade soon after the patient leaves the office. Yup, I know what they’re doing. Can’t fool, me – nope! 
She went on to tell me the surgery will be painless. There would be this relaxation medication that would steady my nerves. Also, besides the eye numbing solution, I would be put into a sort of twilight sleep whereas I’m not quite asleep, could still hear any directions given to me, but will forget it all when the medication wears off. That whole “forget everything” part got me asking her questions.
“Uhmmm, does that mean that since I am programmed to forget about it, did I actually experience something that caused me great pain and stress but won't remember my suffering, thus can't sue you? Also, if I can hear everything said, should I worry when the doctor, with laser, razor or scalpel in hand says ‘Oh, darn?’ But then, what’s the point because I could be screaming bloody murder and suffering great fear and stress, but you tell me I’ll forget about it!." 
No real reply to my nervous questions. Although, I did get a little laugh, whatever that's supposed to mean.
"Oh, WebWitch, you are so funny!"
Sure, easy for her to say! They're my eyes, not hers. 
So folks, the countdown begins.
But wait … there will be more, so much more!
To be continued!
Until next time—laugh hard, laugh often!
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Sumojo 
I love the story about the cataracts. Each time I get a new prescription it’s a little stronger but my cataracts apparently aren’t ripe enough. All around me everyone is getting theirs done, but I’m sure my eyesight is worse than theirs! I just paid an exorbitant amount of money for new glasses but honestly I’m struggling to read but the distance vision isn’t too bad with them on. I think I’m just getting used to living in a blur. Good luck with your procedures, looking forward to your next installment.
I hear ya, Sue! The same thing happened to me. I bought the expensive glasses that only worked for a couple months. It made me angry that they didn't just suggest cataract surgery right away. It's not like my cataracts or really, anybody's cataracts go away. They get worse. But, the $$$ that can be made by all the new glasses and appointments before they actually agree to that surgery is quite an incentive to drag out the process. 
Good luck with your eyes, Sue. I hope you get the needed cataract surgery asap. Of course, I'm still waiting for my surgery to happen. I'll have a clearer point of view on that whole process, I'm sure!
See you next month, folks!
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Comedy: April 12, 2023 Issue [#11897]
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