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This week: Examining Show, Don't Tell Edited by: Vivian  
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The mantra for good writing has become "Show, don't tell." Yet, what does that phrase really mean? Perhaps I can help us all better understand.
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Show, Don’t Tell
Well-written material allows the reader to see, hear, and feel what is happening rather than being told what happened. This show, don’t tell idea makes stories, whether fiction or non-fiction, and poetry live in the mind of the reader. News stories haven’t yet come under the umbrella of showing, but the purpose of straight news items is different. Let’s look at the difference between telling and showing through the following examples:
Telling:
The couple walked down the road until they reached a house. The man hurried around the side of the house to peek around the corner as the woman knocked on the door. When an elderly man opened the screen, the hidden man jumped onto the porch with a gun in his hand, shooting the older man in the chest.
Showing through dialogue and action:
“Jason, I don’t think we should be a doin’ this.” Marla pulled against the scraggly-haired man forcing her along the country road. “Look, we can manage some other way, can’t we?”
With a sharp curse, Jason jerked her to a stop. “We’ll do what we planned to do. You better not back out now. Don’t even be thinkin’ that way, or I’ll make you hurt real bad.”
Tears pooled in Marla’s eyes as she shuffled along the side of the dusty road. She wiped her nose on the arm of the faded sweatshirt she wore with tattered jeans. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Jest don’t hurt me any more.”
With a rough push in her back, Jason caused her stumble a few steps before she caught her balance. “Jest get on up the drive to the house and don’t knock on the door until I get hid.” He ran ahead of her, up the steps to the wrap-around porch, and behind the corner of the house. He waved for Marla to knock on the door when she paused at the top of the steps. When she hung her head without moving, he hissed until she glanced toward him. Once he had her attention, he glared at her and shook a fist in her direction before jabbing a finger toward the door.
Marla’s shoulders rose as she took a deep breath. She stepped to the door and lightly rapped with her fist. She started to turn away when the screen creaked open. An wizened man with wisps of gray hair standing away from his head stood in the opening.
“What’s ja need?” he asked, leaning against the door jam.
Jason leaped from behind the corner of the house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but he couldn’t move as rapidly as the younger man. Jason fired the gun twice. Marla stood staring at the blood squirting from the man’s narrow chest.
He doesn’t look like he could of had that much blood, she thought as she backed away, a hand at her throat.
Showing through action:
The couple moved in stops and starts down the country road. The young man with the stringy hair would pull the stumbling woman, no more than a teenager, and she resisted. They stopped, and the man shook the girl, yelling at her. The girl’s shoulder heaved, but she no longer fought him as they proceeded to a house set back from the gravel road.
The man hopped onto the wrap-around porch and hid behind the corner of the house. He motioned to the girl to knock on the door. She hesitated. He pumped his fist in her direction and pointed to the door. She lowered her head but did as directed.
When an elderly man opened the screen, the younger man leaped from behind the corner of house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but the younger man was faster. He fired the gun twice. The girl stared at the blood squirting from the older man’s narrow chest.
Showing in poetry:
" Anger"
Black, billowing smoke, fed by blazing flames,
Twists the mind and soul like a blade
Turning within a blast furnace of molten steel.
Thought becomes muddled with eruptions of agony;
Nothing is clear or positive, but all confrontational,
Filled with the desire to hurt, to maim, even kill.
The pounding of one’s heart closes his ears
To reason, to the cry of control, of restraint.
When the final explosion destroys all reason,
What is left is ashes of physical insanity,
The remains of emotional destruction,
The exhaustion felt by losing all inhibition.
Joy becomes a dim memory lost in violence.
copyright 2006 by Vivian Gilbert Zabel
If we as writers try to write as if the narrator is an observer living the actions, behavior, and story as it unfolds before him, then we are showing, not telling. We're providing a mental "movie" in the reader's mind.
Does that mean that a writer never "tells" anything? No, but we need to be sure we don't have "information dumps," where information is "told" in large doses, slowing or halting the flow of the story we want to bring to life. Small bits and pieces of information should be scattered throughout our writing in a way that keeps the reader's interest and allows the plot to continue to more forward, adding to the reader's understanding and enjoyment. |
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Words from Our Readers
rixxie 
Your newsletters, are very informative. I'm going to read some of your highlighted items.
rixxie
Thanks. I'm glad to help.
caesaraslan
I read this, and found it helpful. Actually, coming across some "bad writing" on this forum, has awakened my eyes too. But, it's also a relief to know their are other amateur writer's out there, struggling, too. A kinda nice break from reading a perfectly edited, beautifully written novel, in which I feel intimidated by, and get discouraged and feel I can't measure up. Thanks for the good advice. Amy Roche.
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi Vivian!
Terrific newsletter.  I agree with you 100%. I swear I'm going to send this newsletter to half the people I review - they seem to think I'm making this stuff up...
-- Laura
tmac22
the 'bits and pieces' article was a good splash of cold water! so many times, i get so involved in the content of what i'm writing, it's a valuable reminder, that the story also has to be something someone wants to read!
thanx!
atwhatcost
"Read really bad books." If a book is published, doesn't that mean it can't be really bad? Something had to make the publisher stand up and take notice. That signals the writer is already better than I am. lol
There are many badly written books that are published. One way is through self-publishing. Anyone can "publish" anything, no matter how bad, by self-publishing. Now, not all self-published books are bad, not at all, but many are. Also, if you're an educated reader, you'll recognize much bad material out there from major publishing houses. However, a person must be a discriminating reader to recognize bad books.
billwilcox
Yeah, I agree, Viv. Except I usually give 'em the first paragraph and then I'm out.
I have a friend who will give writers ten pages or so. Not, me. I'm either "caught" the first few paragraphs, or I'm gone.
Zeke 
While I completely agree with the writing mantra of show don't tell, I can't get the origination of fiction out of my head when all there were were storyTELLERS.
Zeke
Ahhh, but that was before television, back when story tellers were the only entertainment.
Kalistra
How true you speak! Since coming to WdC I've learned quite a number of things, which I feel you've summed up nicely in this newsletter. 1. start strong 2. show don't tell 3. be authentic 4. connect with your reader.
Speaking of reading bad books, I'm not sure if it's because of learning these things, and therefore my standards rising, but just yesterday I was reading a historical romance by a very famous romance writer, and it is TERRIBLE. I couldn't believe they allowed this to be published. I don't think she follows any of those 4 rules. It didn't make sense, it wasn't authentic, lots of showing not telling. I can see just how far my standards have risen, and I can point out with every sentence what imho she's doing wrong. I can see where I can learn from it, but it sure makes reading books more annoying!
Boos girl
Vivian,
Yeah! Someone finally broached my favorite subject, showing vs. telling. Both are necessary but balancing them is the key in my mind. Many how-to books 'suggest' show don't tell, but they do not offer practical exercises in HOW to achieve it.
I teach a class on this site that focuses on this subject and the few who 'get' it and finish find it strengthens their work.
Diane
I hope you enjoyed this issue of the newsletter.
Thanks for joining me this issue. Hope what I offer in writing tips help.
Vivian |
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For Authors: February 16, 2011 Issue [#4234]
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