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This week: Going Deep with Third Person Limited Edited by: NickiD89  
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| Like many of you, I've considered myself a writer my whole life. But in 2007, I shifted out of hobbyist mode, started writing for an audience, and embarked on the exciting journey towards publication. As I continue on that path and delve ever deeper into the craft, I feed an insatiable appetite for creative writing theory. I seek out how-to books and workshop experiences to augment and amplify whatever talent I possess. For those of you like me, here's a little theory to appease your hunger. |
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Experimenting with different narration options is part of a writer's journey. I've tried them all: first person, the third persons, omniscient, and even difficult-to-pull-off second person. None feels more satisfying to me than writing in third person limited, commonly known as Deep POV.
Deep POV is the third person (narrator refers to himself/herself as "he" or "she"), and is achieved by drawing the reader as intimately close to the narrator's thoughts and feelings as a writer does in the first person (narrator refers to himself/herself as "I"). It requires a solid understanding of "showing" verses "telling" and an iron-clad commitment by the writer to let the character tell the story.
Imagine you're writing a scene that opens when a family of four has arrived at their beachfront vacation rental property, after a grueling eight-hour drive. In your mind's eye, you picture the gorgeous, tropical sunset. You may be tempted to describe the fiery, sherbet sky as the sun sinks into the Gulf, but you're not the one telling this story.
Who is? If Mom is the narrator, she doesn't notice the sky. See, she's staring at the white, powdery beach, imagining that sand massaging her feet, easing the permanent ache in her arches from hellish ten-hour workdays tottering around in heels.
If it's Dad telling this story, he's gazing out at the endless water. The sea's briny odor transports him back to childhood deep-sea fishing excursions with his father. He can't wait to carry on his family's tradition and get the kids out on a boat this vacation.
Let the kids narrate, and their attention is elsewhere. One couldn't care less about the sky, the sand or the water. She has to pee! The other is glaring at Mom who refused to let him travel with his bathing suit on. He wants to splash around in that water. Right. Now.
Writing in Deep POV means you turn the story over to the narrating character. As the story filters through the perspective of the POV, let his emotions permeate every moment of the scene, creating an intimate, first-person-like experience for the reader.
Here are a couple other ways you can deepen the POV in your manuscript.
 Eliminate words that tell, such as: saw, realized, thought, understood, felt, remembered, noticed, decided, etc. These filtering devices distance the reader from the character and shatter the illusion of Deep POV. Consider the following third person excerpt:
At a red light, Marilyn glared through the windshield at the church on the corner. She no longer believed that God listened to her prayers. Though it'd been difficult for her to admit at first because the guilt gnawed at her soul, she now recognized it was her truth, plain and simple. Even so, when the light turned green and she passed the church, she remembered something she used to say as a child: that if God was listening, He should give her a sign.
This excerpt offers a lot of information about Marilyn, using 'telling' words like believed, admit(ted), recognized, and remembered. It's straightforward third-person narration. Notice how this excerpt comes to life when I deepen the POV:
At a red light, Marilyn glared through the windshield at the church on the corner. God, she sneered. You never heard me. Now I don't need You anymore. She defied the familiar tug of guilt from her blasphemy. After all, attending church for years had been a colossal waste of time. Why pray to a deaf God? The light turned green and her last taunting thought as she passed the church was an old superstition from her childhood: If You can hear me, give me a sign.
Remove dialog tags and use action and emotion to denote the speakers. Readers will not only 'hear' the POV speaking, but 'see' and 'understand' him, too. Here's an example to illustrate:
Simple third person:
"Fine," Marla said. "If you won't tell me, I'll just see for myself. You don't mind the company, do you?"
Robb was annoyed as he watched Marla saunter onto the elevator, but he realized he'd better play it cool, or she could complicate things. "So. How's the Piedmont Project going?" he asked, his voice simmering with aggravation.
The same dialog, with deeper POV:
"Fine." Marla took a step forward. "If you won't tell me, I'll just see for myself. You don't mind the company, do you?"
It wasn't a question. Robb's chest fell as Marla sauntered onto the elevator and turned to face the closing doors. Great. Better play it cool, or Marla could complicate things. "So, how's the Piedmont Project going?" So much for keeping the aggravation out of his voice.
Third person limited, or Deep POV, creates the illusion that the character is telling his or her own story by never leaving the character's thoughts during the scene.
Here's a fun way to practice this narration option: Craft a scene in first person. You may even want to write something non-fiction, recounting all the intimate thoughts and feelings you remember from the event. Then, shift the piece into third person by replacing all the 'I's with 'he's. And, voilá! An experimental excerpt in Deep POV!
Thanks for reading!
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A fractured family is pulled back together by tragedy and shared experience.
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Deep POV Challenge:
Write a short passage, two paragraphs maximum, in the first person. It can be fiction or non-fiction and in any genre. (Please keep your rating 13+ or lower  ). Then, shift your passage into third person limited, or Deep POV. Submit both passages in the comments below or in an email to me (NickiD89 ).
I'll award my favorite passage with a Drama Merit Badge. All submitted work will appear in my next Drama Newsletter, on May 11th!
I look forward to your comments! |
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Drama: April 20, 2011 Issue [#4352]
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