  Spiritual
This week: Soulmates- Reality or Comforting Notion? Edited by: Kit of House Lannister  
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The thought that there's someone for everyone is a pleasant idea. It implies that all we have to do is find that person, and that when we do, we're set for a happily ever after...
If that were the case, a whole lot of people must not be looking hard enough. Or perhaps they are looking too hard because another saying is that "it will happen when you least expect it".
This week's newsletter is about soulmates.
kittiara |
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I have in the past touched upon the topic of love... on more than one occasion, actually. So you would be excused for thinking "here she goes again!" when you read this newsletter. I do apologize. The reason for my choice of topic is that recently I've been reading some discussions about soulmates, and this made me question whether or not I believe in them.
I used to. When I grew up, I was certain that there was someone for everyone. I loved the idea that somewhere on this planet there was a person who was perfect for me. One day we'd meet, and just know that we were right for the other, and we would live happily ever after. That would have been nice.
It didn't help that my mother told me that when I was just a baby, a friend had dragged her along to a fortuneteller. Generally speaking, she didn't believe that the future could be predicted, but some of what the woman had told her came true, or so it seemed to my mother. The fortuneteller predicted that I'd move to Canada to be with my soulmate. And there'd be children. I guess I did move to another country, but I'm in the UK instead of Canada, and I have cats instead of kids.
I haven't been very lucky in love. In fact, I appear to be pretty unlovable. The pattern I've noticed is that men fall for me, talk about marriage with me, and then leave for someone else or just leg it altogether. Which is a bit disturbing because I do maintain a pretty good hygiene routine and though flawed, I don't think I'm that bad!
Still, it's not my own situation that leads me to doubt the concept of soulmates. If there really is someone for everyone, why do so many people lead a life filled with heartache? Why is there such a distinct lack of happily ever afters? Some people do stick together through thick and thin and do love their partner until the end of their days, but these appear to be the exception rather than the rule.
There's this lady I know, who I'm sure I've mentioned before in this newsletter. She's absolutely lovely. Her husband ran off with his secretary and she was left to look after their five children and their smallholding. Five kids to be a good parent to. A smallholding with land to work and animals to tend to. Two jobs to struggle through, to keep a roof over their heads . Homework to help with, a house to clean, dinners and lunches and breakfasts and snacks to prepare. She did it all, and all five children have grown into wonderful adults who look back on their childhood as having been quite idyllic. When she could, she went back to her own studies and earned several qualifications. On top of that she can sing and dance and play a variety of musical instruments. She is an admirable woman, with a genuinely kind heart... and yet she's never found true love. Now in her 60s, she would love to have a companion.
If soulmates were a reality, I feel that there should be fireworks and big, bright arrows only visible to you, pointing at the person who's your Mr. or Miss Right, and preferably some great big signs saying "Here He/She Is!!!", so that there could be no mistake. It would only be fair. What's fair about the idea that there might indeed be someone out there, but they're on the other side of the planet and you might never even meet on holiday or online, and so you go through life without ever meeting them, and without them ever meeting you? Or you might actually live in the same city, and pass the other on a daily basis, but for some reason your eyes have never met, and so you'd never know...
No, I think the concept of a soulmate in the romantic sense is simply one of those little white lies people tell themselves because the idea that there's someone for everyone is comforting. It can be unnerving to think that perhaps we'll never meet the right person, that it's purely down to luck, and that it's very possible that we face a lifetime of heartbreak and/or loneliness.
What I do believe is that there are people in this world who we connect with on a deeper level than with others. This connection isn't limited to romance. It can create a lasting friendship, teach us valuable lessons, or expand our spirituality. These people won't always be in our lives forever, but they enrich it whilst they're there and help us grow.
Perhaps that's what a soulmate really is - a helping hand along the way.
kittiara
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I'd also like to share a couple of items that were brought to my attention since my previous newsletter:
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team welcomes any and all questions and suggestions, thoughts and feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in! 
Apondia  - I think society is still confused about male female equality so writers need to write more that defines equality between the sexes.
I think there's definitely a lot of confusion. Sometimes that confuses me! You'd think equality should be pretty straightforward, but I guess that it isn't. So yes, the more ideas that are shared, the better!
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thatBobguy  - Hi Kittiara- perhaps we should start calling ourselves 'Equalists' or something along those lines. I believe men and women are equally human and are equally deserving of respect, opportunity, and choice. There are differences, but the common ground is humans with a choice. I favor both genders... equally. I guess I could go on for more, but I'll stop here. Thanks for the newsletter, it got me thinking about stuff.
'Equalists' - I like that! And I absolutely agree with you. Thanks for writing in, and please do share more if you like!
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Bookie Taylor - Congratulations you are now gender free. Hope you take this as a humorous input as I intended Eddie John
 Well, thank you!
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GRAMPA ED - Kittira,
Nice article on being a feminist. Over the years I have seen many people that are or where a feminist. Some were more of a man then some men are, others can be wonderful women. I believe as you with equal rights, if they do equal work and have equal knowledge. I do not like it though when they have children and then go back to work and let someone else raise their children. Their are way to many unhappy children out their today.
Grandpa Ed
It's a difficult one, I think, Grandpa Ed. In the current economic climate there's a lot of pressure on people to work. Especially because quite often one wage is not enough to survive on, even if a couple lives a modest lifestyle. It could be argued that people should wait, then, with having children, but sometimes children happen and anyway, a woman can only wait so long before there's a genuine increase in risk. On top of that, there's societal pressure on both partners to work. If someone prefers to stay home to look after the children, they're often seen as lazy, and sometimes their intelligence is questioned. And that's leaving aside the issues faced by single parents, who would otherwise have to live a life on benefits/financial support.
This is indeed a shame, and it should be possible - and a valid lifestyle choice - to be a stay-at-home mother or father. Hopefully there will be changes that place greater value on one's homelife, because of its importance not only for children, but also for ourselves.
~~~
semaphore20 - I really enjoyed your editorial on the differences of men and women in equality. I have an old fashioned man so often times we go over this subject with some discomfort and emotion. but I appreciated your views and even thought of printing this off to show him, but wisdom came in and said that that was an argument waiting to happen. Equality. Why is it so hard to see that I may not be physically as strong but other areas are. Also your responses to others is uplifting and many times that encourages me to read more of their stuff. I haven't been on writing.com in a while so this was a nice welcome.
Thanks
Sherri
Hi Sherri! First of all, I really respect you. I don't think I could live with an old-fashioned man, if equality became an issue. I reckon it must take a lot of courage, strength and patience, and a whole load of love on top of that. I so want to share a few thoughts, but it's not my place to offer advice on your relationship, of course, and it could well be unwelcome. And I'm certain you wouldn't be with him if you didn't want to be. So for now, I'll just send you a hug. *Hugs!* .
~~~
Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Spiritual Newsletter Team:
Sophy  , KimChi , kittiara
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Spiritual: June 22, 2011 Issue [#4468]
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