  Comedy
This week: Get Me A Bucket! Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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Web-Lock can be quite a character. And, as many women have already realized, when your guy has an idea he wants to place into action, there's no stopping him, especially if he thinks he can save money.  |
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Hello, folks. As always, it is an honor and pleasure to be here with you for another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. 
WL has been putting together a broader set of "tools of the trade," for our fishing excursions. It entails lots of old fishing line, various buckets and rope. He's determined to weave line in a way to create a fishing net.
"But, Web-Lock, you can buy those at the tackle shop, why are you wasting so much time and energy trying to make one?"
"Well, you see, Web~Witch, I am going to improve on the standard models and save money by reusing old line. My net will be able to scoop fish from a side opening rather than one on top. It'll be similar but much larger than those aquarium nets. You just aim and scoop the fish. The fish go back and forth, so just drop the net in front of it and wait until he swims right in."
"Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense."
Fast forward a month; still no net. "Can we buy one, now?" 
At the pier, we used a small ice chest because we didn't think we'd catch that many fish. It really worked out fine for a while, until one fateful day.
"What are you doing with the ice chest, WL?"
"I'm chumming. I have some stinky bait in the melting ice and I am releasing the melted ice water over the pier, to attract the fish."
"That sounds, good, I guess." It also works because I caught a shark that evening."
So, each time after that, he'd let the ice water loose while hanging on to the caught fish and the bait, usually shrimp and clams. One day he began this ritual and kept at it for a longer time than usual. This resulted in the fish hold-back hand starting to feel the freeze and getting numb.
Yup, you got it. He lost feeling in the cold hand and let go of the ice chest. Bye-bye, bait, bye-bye, you beautiful, almost soon to be filleted, pompano; not to mention, farewell to a perfectly good ice chest.
"Web~Witch, quick, give me your rod so I can try to retrieve the ice chest."
"Um, here's your rod, WL, it's closer." 
"I think I got it!"
Splash, bang, another wave hits and Web-Lock feared his fishing pole would be next to go if he continued. The tide was changing and that ice chest is history.
We had to buy another chest for our next trip to the pier. I told WL I would go and pick one out. I came back with a huge chest on wheels, with a "luggage-pull" type handle.
"Whoa, wow, WW, why such a huge ice chest? You must be thinking of catching some big fish."
"Why not, WL? And it would be much easier to pull the chest to the pier. We could load the folding chairs and tackle box on top, so we don't have to lug all that heavy stuff. Also, it will be too heavy for you to lift over the pier! What's that you're getting?"
"I'm getting this additional, five-gallon bucket and some long rope. I could lower it down and refresh the water for the shrimp."
We went fishing on a particularly windy day. My line got stuck on one of the barnacle laden pylons at the pier. I was about to pull in as much line as possible and let the hook and sinkers retire to the sea, but WL wouldn't hear of that.
"Wait, WW, I can manipulate that hook from the pylon by lowering this bucket and grazing its side, wriggling it free." 
Yup, that's right, bye-bye bucket and rope.
"WW help me out here. Hang on to your pole while I try to get this bucket lifted. I didn't think the rope was that long. It got in too deep and filled with water. This thing weighs a ton!"
Just as he lifted it with brute strength and stubbornness, almost to waist high of himself, the rope broke. Oh, by the way, I still had to retire the hook and sinkers to the sea. So now we have a net loss of bucket, rope, ice chest, bait, caught fish and whatever else was inside the little ice chest and still don't have a net, which would have been able to save the chest and the bucket! How are we saving money, I ask?
I thought that day couldn't get any worse until WL's line got stuck on one of the rocks below the channel side of the pier. I saw him climbing over the side and onto the slippery rocks to try to retrieve his rig. He pulled, twisted and turned in every direction trying to release the rig. Instead, the line snapped and he lost his footing a little. He tried to maintain balance by extending his foot over to another huge rock. I hear the words, "It's a manatee!"
Actually, that rock so close to the other rocks along the pier, was in fact, two manatees MATING!  They barely noticed his intrusion and went on with their date while WL climbed back up to the pier.
"Web~Witch, I've had enough of fishing on the channel side. Let's go to the other pier."
Ahhh, peace and quiet, less wind, no manatees pretending to be rocks, and we happily went on fishing. This time we were catching fish instead of losing rigs.
We both smiled at each other and remarked on how beautiful the day was turning out to be. Suddenly, a pelican flew right over us; yup, you got it. Erhh, actually we got it--CODE BROWN! 
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch
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DRSmith 
the Wicker Witch of the South? Now, that's a clever one. Oh, by the way. As for that supercharged straw stick, I've heard it said that witches don't wear underwear so they can get a better grip on the broom. Well, it's what I heard. Dunno if it's true, though.
Uhh, uhh, uhh--A witch never divulges the magical secrets of broom riding. 
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! I had the biggest laugh at your Wicked Witch of the South story! I'm glad no house fell on you and you were able to get that rocking-chair home safe and sound.
~ Laura
Actually, it was the Wicker Witch.  Love my new, (old) wicker rocker, BTW.  It was all worth the drama in the end.
Thanks for the feedback, Laura.
Nixie Martell cheerleader 
Hi WW,
Thanks for another hilarious newsletter. I cringe when I read them, because I live where you do and loathe reminders.
You're it when it comes to comedy. I wish the talent was in my bag of tricks. I tried mailing the bag to you and asking for some pointers, but it came back "unable to deliver, addressee serving time in prison for rocker theft.
Hope you're out soon.
~Nixie
Now, now, Nixie, I paid for that rocker fair and square.
Learn to love Florida, girl! 
writetight
Aw, Witchy, I enjoyed your rocking chair humor. But I expected the old woman to be Donna . . . trying to goad someone into buying it.
Dan
I knew that's what you expected, Dan, so I changed it just to get your comment.
Always great hearing from you. 
drjim
Ah yes, beloved WW! Indeed, we see yet again your venture into the wick- ...er...wickerED world with your funny way with words! I always love your columns each and every time, and as of late, haven't been a 'regular' here on WDC lately because someone I know quite well has me golfing, antique-ing, shark fishing and a variety of other things all in one DAY! Sheesh, welcome to un-retirement! Keep on writing, dear WW, keep on writing!! - Dr J
No, no, no, you can't blame your writing hiatus on me. After all, I still have writing time in between the aforementioned hobbies. Now get back here and write!
Thanks for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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Comedy: April 25, 2012 Issue [#5006]
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