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This week: Finding Comedy in Travel Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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WL and I recently traveled back up North from Florida to our New England domain. It’s always stressful when having to close-up one place and reopening another. Months of dust bunnies always await. However, this trip added a bit more humor and strangeness than our previous trips. |
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Hello, folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Part 1: I-95’s best kept secret!
Anyone who has traveled the I-95 corridor, knows about the freeway’s best kept secret. What? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Perhaps this little hint will shine some light on the subject. ““You Never Sausage a Place.”
Bingo! That’s right. I’m talking about that SOB, guy. (No, not that meaning of SOB, I’m talking about “South of the Border.”) His name is Pedro, and he quickly becomes the most familiar face you’ll see on that freeway. Pedro will keep drivers either amused or irritated for hundreds of miles, from Jersey to Florida, as SOB’s lovable mascot. He fills billboard after billboard with quirky comments, that make kids and adults alike, beg for the answer to one of traveling’s most frequently asked question, “Are we there yet?.”
As you drive closer to the huge tourist trap, you can spot his giant sombrero. Pedro, straddles the SOB entrance, standing a whopping 97 feet tall which is said to be the largest freestanding sign east of the Mississippi. You can even drive between his legs. 
Would you believe people actually get married at that place? They boast about their dozen weddings performed there every summer weekend. One package gets you married, a night in an "heir-conditioned" honeymoon suite (complete with champagne and waterbed), and a free breakfast the next morning!” It’s every bride’s dream, folks. Picture the photos of the bride and groom standing under Pedro.
Part 2: When you gotta go, you gotta go!
When we reached Virginia, we pulled off the road to gas-up and also find some relief from nature's call. I left WL at the pump taking care of that business, while I went into the station’s convenience store looking for a restroom.
Now ladies, how often have we stood in line awaiting a place in the stalls? Well, this particular place didn’t have those highway rest stop types of restrooms, with multiple stalls and no waiting line. No, this place had one ladies' room and one men’s room behind their respective doors. It locks individually, leaving a line out into the convenience mart and blocking aisles.
The woman in front of me said she was waiting quite a while for the occupant to vacate the restroom. I asked her if there was anybody in the Men’s room. She told me there was someone in there.
A minute later, I looked behind me and noticed that the one lady behind me after I got there was in front of four more ladies who had just arrived.
In the meantime, a man pushes his way to the front of the line and attempts to go for the men’s room door. I told him “it is occupied!” He excused himself and went back to his position in the store aisle.
At that moment, I started conjuring-up these devious thoughts of staking a claim to the first available restroom door that opens. By that time, of course, I was first in line as the previous hold-up in the ladies’ room finally left and was taken by the woman in front of me.
I announced, to the ladies behind me that I was going to take whichever door opened first. Men’s or Ladies’ . Some women nodded in approval, while the only guy in line looked a bit worried, well actually desperate. Just as I made that announcement, the man occupying the men’s room opened the door. I reached out, guarding the turf between me and the comfort room, as a shocked and grinning man held the door open for me. My last words before entering was, “You gotta be pioneers, ladies.” I disappeared amid cheers and clapping.
Thereafter, the lines moved as if there were two ladies’ rooms rather than one, the only guy in line was still awaiting his turn. I left the store, wondering if the guy would dare grab the women’s room if it became open before the guys’. Hmm, why not?
Our next night was at Cooperstown, NY, Home of the Baseball Hall of Fame. I was so excited that WL was going to take me there the next morning. It was the last leg of our trip back home. However, we needed to find a place to eat that evening. An Irish tavern was suggested to us by the hotel clerk. When we got there, we placed our order and I sipped on a Guinness. Well, you know what happens next?
“I’ll be right back, Web-Lock, I just need to use the restroom. Beer goes right through me.”
I disappear around a corner and see a sign on the door, “The men’s room is doubling as a ladies’ room tonight, knock and lock.”
Here we go again! I enter the empty room, which had a stall with a door and a partial wall-stall with a urinal in it. I tried to lock the outside door, but the slider wouldn’t move. So I settled for locking the closed stall and going about my business. A few minutes later I hear the outside door open. Oh, no, what about the knock first, part?
I heard a familiar sound in the urinal next door to my stall. Now, folks, I guess I could have waited there until the occupant finished his business and departed from the room -- but I didn’t! I actually left my stall, went to the sink to wash my hands and heard a male voice say “Oh, wow -- hey there.”
I said, “The sign said it’s men's and ladies', tonight.”
“Oh, yeah, well I’m glad you’re a woman!”
“Oh, that's good, so am I.” Then I left the restroom with a common canned statement used everyday. “Good seeing ya.”  Really folks, how do I get caught-up in these predicaments?
The next morning we headed to the Hall of Fame. By the time we got to the third floor of the Hall of Greatness, yup, you got it, I needed a restroom. WL said the bathrooms were just ahead and walked down the passage with me. I grabbed a door and started to walk in. Immediately, Web-Lock grabbed my arm and said, "Wait, WebWitch, you are going into the Men’s room!”
“Oh, that’s right WL. I’ve gotten so used to going into the room with the figure wearing the pants lately, that I forgot I didn’t have to do that anymore. ”
All in all, it was a very interesting trip!
It’s a wrap, folks, for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
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A*Monaing*Faith 
“Kiss it up to God and there will be no germs and it will be safe to eat.”
My mom said "God kiss it, devil miss it, please wash it off!" or "God made dirt and dirt don't hurt." ahhhh, good times.
I haven't even reproduced yet and she sneaks out my mouth from time to time.
 Those quotes will be with you always. When you do have children, I think you will laugh when you hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth. Thanks for the feedback. 
Chriswriter 
Good issue, I found a few authors to add to my favorites list. Thank you.
It was my pleasure! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Merry Mumsy 
Itchy hands, eh?  I have eczema on my hands and I can tell you the money is not particularly flowing in either direction!
You know, the jury is still out on that one. I have had an itch inside the palm of my hand at times and did get a gift, money or even free tickets to Disney Land! The reverse is also true; I'm paying a lot of bills with the itchy hand too.
Quick-Quill 
Ha Ha Ha A few years ago our book club read Billy Crystal's 700 Sundays. We love it and laughed. This weekend Billy's monologue of 700 Sunday's was on. I watched it and roared. Who hasn't had at least one of the same old folks in our families. My son (30yr) recorded it and last night we watched it together. Even at 30 fart jokes and sounds make men laugh out loud. Yep, there he was hehawing over grandma and grandpa jokes and Billy's faces. You stories just reminded me of all the same adages I heard growing up. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.
I believe we all have had similar mom-isms growing up. Thanks for sharing this. 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! I really enjoyed reading about all the superstitions and folk sayings your mom used to tell you. It would be fun to know the history of why those things were believed, huh? Have a great Mother's Day.
~ Laura
I know this stuff has been going around for generations!
Always great hearing from you, Laura.   
Thanks for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month!
WW
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Comedy: May 21, 2014 Issue [#6324]
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