  Comedy
This week: Life In a Fairy Tale Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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There are those times in life, when we just have to go with the flow and laugh. And then, there are those times when you just have to laugh harder! No good deed goes unpunished ...
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Once upon a time, not too long ago, at least in witch years, in a far-off place, easily attainable by broom, in several hours, a fairy godmother thought of a nice way to bring a delightful gift of joy to one recently-single witch-mother and her son.
Now, this fairy godmother, wanted to make extra sure that this special gift would be a surprise, being that it was so close to the holidays. So, she did a little magic waving of some fairy dust that would travel through space rapidly and then disperse inside the mailbox of one beautiful witch and her young, handsome, Son. (C‘mon, you can say “aww,” now.  )
Anyway, the story played-out in the most unusual way.
One day, the witch went about her daily routine, ending with picking-up the mail. There was this object, she could feel through her fingers as she touched this official-looking envelope. It felt like a little card, one that banks send with a credit line!
Yes, the skies opened-up, birds starting singing, people drove passed her and waved. The neighbor’s dog -- well, the neighbor’s dog still continued its absolutely disrespectful act of soiling her lawn. Things are not always perfect, even in the most joyful moments of a witch/fairy tale.  Fairy tales do come true, it could happen to you ... yes?
The happy witch dialed the activation number on the shiny new credit card and was given the official okie-dokie from the bank to begin using her new card.
Moments later, while basking in her good fortune, the witch took a closer look at the card. It had an unusual expiration date. It was to expire within two months! Now, she knew those cards usually last a couple years before renewal, so a red flag jumped-out at her. She took another look at the card and it was in her nickname!
Now the witch was really worried. The card in her hands was not her regular credit card that was up for renewal, no it was a different one. Hers was a Master Card, this was a Visa.
The witch got angry! 
“Somebody has fraudulently taken out a card in my name, or rather, my nickname. They must be planning to make a few purchases and then stick me with the bill!”
So the irate witch made another call to the bank sponsoring the card and asked them about that particularly strange card. They asked her if she authorized this new card and she said, “NO!”
The customer service representative forwarded her call to the fraud protection part of the company. They took all her information and asked some pretty odd yet personal questions relating to major banks, mortgage and other identifying information.
Satisfied at the end of the lengthy conversation, that the card was going to be destroyed and no one would be allowed to use it, the witch hung up the phone and breathed a little easier. That moment of respite didn’t last long, because she realized that the number she called for safety purposes and card verification, was the same number that was glued to the fraudulent credit card she just received. 
Time Warp Return to Present
Well folks, let’s admit it. I’m the witch in this little fairy tale. Fooled you, huh?  After thinking I may have called a fraudulent company and given them more personal information to further steel my identity, I looked online for a different number to the bank that sponsors the credit cards.
I talked to the customer service representative and explained all that happened and asked if I had recently called to put a stop on a credit card as well as making a report to the fraud department. She placed me on hold and then responded, “Yes, Ma’am, we do have your calls registered and don’t worry, that card can’t be used by anyone. Here is a number you can use in the future to be sure you’ve reached us and not a spoof-number”
I took the number, thanked her and hung up the phone, this time relieved that I covered all bases. But the devil made me do it again! I called back the number she gave me for future calls. When someone else answered, I asked if “Darleen” was working for them today just to be sure I talked to a real representative. They forwarded me to “Darleen” and I told her, “just checking!” Then I felt better.  I know, too much time on my hands, at that time.
Later that night, my “fairy godmother” called me to say that I had a surprise coming soon. I proceeded to tell this dear person what I had just gone through with the identity scare.
Drum Roll Please!
“You did what?!”
“I canceled the card and reported it to the fraud department.”
“No, you reported ME to the fraud department. I was the one who sent the card. I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Really? How sweet! Well, I guess it was a surprise, eh? “
“Yup, except the surprise was on me, WW! Now, I’ll have to call the credit card company and let them know about all the confusion. Oh, and WW, next time, please don’t destroy cards, or call the police, fraud units, FBI, Attorney General or any bank, until you’ve spoken to me, OK?”
“Ummmm, OK. But if a giant bulldozer pulls-up in front of my house because I allowed a card that really could be a fraud to be used, I don’t want to hear any complaints as they’re moving the house out from under me!”
My fairy godmother called back the next day, telling me about the conversation with the bank about the card.
“Yes, Web~Witch, they do remember you -- all of them, each one of the representatives of the four calls you made. They told me that you did such a thorough job of getting assurance that your credit card number will not be used, they have extended an additional guarantee to me. You’ll be happy to know that your credit card number has been officially retired to the Capital One Hall of Fame. It may never be retrieved again!”
Yeah, well, what can I say? What’s in your pocket, folks?
That's not all. It wasn't just my card they froze and sent off to the fraud department; my actions also froze the card of the original account holder. Yup, you got it, the fairy godmother's card was also locked.
I gotta tell you, people have learned not to pull too many surprises on Web~Witch, since then. They've realized that no good deed goes unpunished. 
It’s a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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River 
Hi Web-Witch, I read your newsletter for the first time today and just wanted to tell you how much I love it! I am looking forward to the next one.
 Thank you so much for your feedback. I'm happy you enjoyed the newsletter. River!
Merry Mumsy 
Don't forget to remind him how much less room there is on the back of your broom for carrying things like comfy rocking chairs found at antique stores! 
I must agree with your observation, Merry Mumsy. Thanks for the feedback.
drjim
Dear Webbie, INDEED you gave me all the lovin' I could handle on Papa's Day, grilling all kinds of treats for "Papa Doc" as I am known to some around these parts, and I cannot ever thank you enough for showering me with the love that you give me daily! The rocker is such a decent thing too, made in Virginia which I know so well has quality timber and woodwrights to get the job done right. The rocker for this rocker is actually really cool too, for the seat feels like something akin to holding/squeezing the butt cheeks which is why I insisted we (meaning YOU) get it for me! Yes, that is right. As far as rock music in the car goes, I confess, I like it at ohhhh saaay 170 decibels which alerts the local Police Officers that I'm on my way home - they literally track me all over Massachusetts this way. Yeah, right. And you, dear WW, are always with me! I will try to keep it down a lil...say only as loud as an F-22 Raptor instead of a B-52 lumbering off the tarmac. Its the least I can do for all the fuzzy-lovin' you give Papa Doc not just on Dad's Day but every day in general! ROCK ON, AEROSMITH IS THE TOWER OF ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!
 
LJPC - the tortoise 
I wish a very Happy Birthday to WL!! Yay for perfect rocking chairs! Boo for blow-out-your-eardrums volume levels. Yay for brooms that are breezy and quiet -- if a little hard on the patootie. But maybe your patootie is made of stronger stuff than mine.
~ Laura
He is so spoiled, Laura. He enjoyed his birthday thoroughly. WL has been extra careful with the radio volume, levels, since this newsletter came out. Oh, and my patootie is pretty calloused from years of broom riding. I barely feel the air turbulence, now. Thanks, Laura!
BIG BAD WOLF is hopping 
One has to enjoy life, and laugh.
That's what I keep telling people, BBW. 
Submitted Item: "Big Fat Pig City Guard"
Thanks for the feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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Comedy: July 16, 2014 Issue [#6427]
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