  Comedy
This week: Five-Finger Discount, Karma Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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I just love this time of year. Halloween is approaching, and that's one of my favorite nights, folks. But I digress, here. I recently had a discussion with Web-Son, about store management, and loss prevention. It was quite an interesting education.
Why aren't they being stopped? Read on, folks ... |
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Web-Son called me the other day it was our usual, how did your day, go, type of conversation. He was telling me about some strange encounter with a "customer," who was trying to return an item she stole, a couple days before. So I asked him if he or whomever waited on this woman at the checkout, refused to give her credit for her non-purchase, non-receipt, return. He said, the employees cannot do anything to stop them, nor can they accuse them of stealing.
Well, now, I’m pretty livid about the whole scenario. I said that the employees would be paid better wages if they didn’t have to be a part of absorbing the costs, of loss, by theft.First of all, I understood the part about not wanting employees involved in stopping thieves, it could become a dangerous situation if an angry thief got agitated and violent. And, second, it could be an insurance liability to the company. So I asked why they wouldn't hire security officers who are bonded for this type of detail, or at least allow employees to call the police when they see a theft.
He said security officers are intimidating to shoppers and calling the police during operating hours may bring negative vibes to the would-be customers who see a police car out front. They may decide to shop elsewhere, thus our company would lose business. They would rather lose the stolen merchandise and write it off at tax time, than take a chance on losing customers.
While I was trying to digest that bit of information, he went on to tell me about this customer who stole a Keurig, coffee maker. He said they saw her walk right out of the store with it and couldn’t do anything, it was even on the security cameras.
I asked him if anybody reported what happened. He said the manager on duty called the Loss Prevention number, and they told her to wait until the store closed before reporting it to the police, for reasons stated above.
I said that was totally not right!. The cost of stealing is always passed down to the customers and affect the wages of the employees. And then, folks, he told me something that made me realize that karma is alive and well and does have the hand of justice.
Web-Son: “Mom, the "Keurig thief" came back today to return the coffee maker she stole, and wanted a refund, without a receipt, which means a store gift certificate.”
“Wait a minute! She came back to the same area store, rather than another one of their chains, to return what she blatantly stole in broad daylight, in front of witnesses? What did you do?"
“We gave her a gift certificate for the amount of the coffee maker.”
 WebWitch really getting angry, tried to find the words to say, that would make sense of the whole situation.
“That is so wrong, WS, in so many ways!”
“But, wait, Web~Mom, that’s not the whole story. The woman on the register heard the little girl accompanying the thief, ask for a “notepad” from the gift certificate. She pointed to the sample one in the case. And the cashier at the return desk, asked me to go in the back room and get the model the thief requested. When I started walking toward the back storage area, the cashier called my cell. At that moment, the thief and daughter were far enough away, looking at stuff, so as not to notice the cashier conversing with me. I was told to be sure I didn’t find that particular model in stock.”
“Oh, wonderful! I love that part, WS! So what did the thief do when you said it was out of stock?”
“Well, she started swearing at both of us, in front of her daughter -- words that were, well not nice in public. So we gave her the store gift card, and she left.”
“That horrible mother! Swearing at MY son?!!! Where does she live -- she must have filled out a return form or something. Let me talk to her.  And, she got away with the returned item, gift card?! I’m really angry, now. 
“It’s okay, WM! The moment she left the store, the cashier unauthorized the gift card, making it a zero balance, thus, a useless card!”
A broad smile came over my face, followed by a laugh. I felt so much better when I heard him say that, and emphatically responded, when I caught my breath of course.
“Yes, I love it! Yes to justice! How smart of that cashier to do that. Now, the store has the coffee maker back and the thief has a useless gift card! Oh, that makes me feel so much better. But, wait a minute, won’t she come back another day and try to use the card?"
“Oh, I’m sure she will. And when she finds out there is no balance on it to spend, she’ll freak, for sure. I'll have to wear earplugs when I see her coming."
“Will the manager stick to the fact that the card is empty and it wasn’t an employee-caused, error?"
“He may give-in and reissue a new card, or may stick to the fact that there is no basis for her complaint because there is no receipt for the purchase of the item.”
“Well, if I were the manager, and she started to complain about being ripped-off, I’d offer to run the card again. When it shows up empty, I’d tell her, 'I’m sorry, Ma’am, it still shows up as already cashed-in. I don't know what to tell you, Ma'am, but it's possible, since it shows a zero balance, that your gift card ID number, was stolen. It is regrettable when this happens, but we don’t handle loss prevention, or fraudulent use of a customer’s gift card, at the store. You’ll just have to go to the police and file a report on that.”
Folks, Web-Son cracked-up, when I told him that.
“I love it, Web~Mom! I’m going to let the manager know this, before the 'Keurig Lady' comes back. I so want to be there when this happens!"
It’s that simple folks. When you have to handle a thief, you have think like one, too! 
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter!
Have a Happy, and Frightful, Halloween, folks. 
Until next time -- Laugh hard, laugh often!
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Comments from my last Comedy Newsletter, "Comedy Newsletter (September 9, 2015)"
Elfin Dragon-finally published 
Hey WW, I'll say your conversation with WL reminded me of a scene of "Big Bang Theory". Penny had invited the guys over to her place for a Halloween party and her ex Brad showed up. He became insulting and Leonard decided to defend Penny. The twist and play on words was wonderful between the two actors.
Yes, that's one of the shows that was suggested to me, as a video collection for when we go back to Florida! I have never seen the show, but if they say or do something I say or do -- I think I'm going to like it, a lot!  Thanks, Elfin Dragon!
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! I've also heard about the seven year itch. It's said the two most important years to get through during the marriage are the third and the seventh years. I think you're doing a great job - now give poor WL his benedryl and stop pestering him! 
~ Laura
Okay, okay, laura. Geez, okay, I'll stop pestering him about it. Benedryl, plenty of benedryl, he can sleep through the rest of the year and wake up on our eighth anniversary, and no more worries about that nasty 7-year itch! Good advice, Laura.
drjim
Ay yi yi, it IS the 7 Year Itch! Eegads, Webbie, eegads. Anniversaries are so cool between us - we usually go places that harbor typical 'fun and games' that never fail to lift our spirits along the way. 'Fun & Games' this time was our romp over to Mohican Sun, that venerable bastion of happy go lucky kind of environment where we can haul butt between spas, pool, tables and such and STILL have time for old favorites like 'Cowboys And Native Americans' or 'Chops 'N Slobbers'! All this with standard tools one can find "laying around the hotel". Gee whiz, I think we even forgot to gamble!! How could this be? Will miracles never cease?!? We had such a great time there, and I know we will have to return in a couple of months...no, wait a moment....we'll be in Florida!! How could I FORGET again?!? (Psst- it's OLD AGE, not the 7 Year Itch) All these anniversaries are so much like birthdays! Reminds me of a birthday card I spotted on the rack recently: pictured on the top was a German Shepherd wearing a shocked expression and when one turned the page, it read.....FORTY years....40 years!! Do people get THAT O-L-D?!? Touche!
So, WL, the itch isn't upon us? Phewww, that's good to know! You almost had a Benedryl Spell placed upon you! Just kiddin', love -- just kiddin'. We are beyond the itch's reach! Yes, Florida here we come ... Woo-Hoo!
Thanks for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month!
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Comedy: October 07, 2015 Issue [#7236]
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