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This week: What We Expect As a Response Edited by: fyn  
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“Why am I compelled to write? . . . Because the world I create in the writing compensates for what the real world does not give me. By writing I put order in the world, give it a handle so I can grasp it. I write because life does not appease my appetites and anger . . . To become more intimate with myself and you. To discover myself, to preserve myself, to make myself, to achieve self-autonomy. To dispel the myths that I am a mad prophet or a poor suffering soul. To convince myself that I am worthy and that what I have to say is not a pile of shit . . . Finally I write because I’m scared of writing, but I’m more scared of not writing.” ~~Gloria E. Anzaldúa
“Any writer worth his salt writes to please himself…It’s a self-exploratory operation that is endless. An exorcism of not necessarily his demon, but of his divine discontent.” ~~ Harper Lee
“Why one writes is a question I can answer easily, having so often asked it of myself. I believe one writes because one has to create a world in which one can live. I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me — the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That, I believe, is the reason for every work of art.” ~~Anaïs Nin
“I just knew there were stories I wanted to tell.”~~Octavia E. Butler
“A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.” ~~Roald Dahl
"We write for the same reason that we walk, talk, climb mountains or swim the oceans - because we can. We have some impulse within us that makes us want to explain ourselves to other human beings. That's why we paint, that's why we dare to love someone - because we have the impulse to explain who we are." ~~Maya Angelou
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say."~~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Writing is not a matter of choice. Writers have to write. It is somehow in their temperament, in the blood, in tradition."~~ N. Scott Momaday
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In my Poetry Newsletter a week or so ago, I wrote about audience. Another aspect of this 'audience' is what we, as writers, expect in return. I say 'expect' because we each do have our expectations of what feedback we will receive or feedback we want. When it pleasantly surprises us, we are giddy and happy or complacently nodding our heads. Someone 'got it!'
When it is not as expected, we may be open to suggestions, be angry (they were too 'stupid' to 'get it') or become dismayed. Now, granted, the response and our reaction to it is usually tempered by the method in which that response is conveyed. A helpful critique is usually received well. Out and out negativity is like slamming into a brick wall at ninety miles an hour. Our expectations and our excitement in what we've written may be shattered into bloody shards of raw emotion.
My question is 'why' we react this way.
Partially, this can depend on the 'who' that is negative and, further, the 'why' they feel that way. A total stranger may react one way, a friend or family member may react completely differently. We all have the friends who 'absolutely LOVE' everything we write. We all have the fans who know we are trying to accomplish something and offer constructive criticism that is aimed at improvement. We also encounter those who 'don't get it' or may have their own agendas for liking or not liking something we've written.
It is important to figure out which reason it is. For example, a friend of mine, a recovering alcoholic who is approaching a year of sobriety, is choosing to write about her addiction. She is dealing with the whys and wherefores of being an addict in the hopes of a) purging some of the angst of acknowledging she is, indeed, an alcoholic, b) informing a non-alcoholic audience of how an addict thinks, feels, responds and survives, and c) to let people into that intensely personal hell in the hope of their possibly understanding who she is, why she is and how far she's come on that journey to living in sobriety, to living with the disease that she has.
She was so thrilled at coming to the decision to write about it, to being in a place where she felt ready to dive into the darkness and to write about it well. Sure, what she wrote needs editing. That'll come down the road apiece. The actual writing is a huge step. (It is the last posting in her blog below.) When she first wrote it, she read it to me. Then she read me a revision. Then another. Her voice (beyond the words themselves) showed her anxiety, her excitement, her fear and her pride in herself that she was doing something she felt she needed to do. She read it to my husband. We are both very proud of her taking this step even as we are so pleased with her 300+ plus days of being sober.
Then she read it to several family members. The aforementioned crash happened and there were bloody shards of her psyche scattered everywhere. "It's too depressing, why write about that? No one will want to read about your recovery or anyone who spent years drunk. It's morbid."
Needless to say, they weren't commenting on the writing itself, merely on what they felt about her writing it in the first place, on the subject matter. Deeper, in my estimation, they were afraid of other things she might write. When someone is writing about themselves, exploring whys and ways of becoming an alcoholic, folks along the way are involved. Things that affected her growing up, her life choices will, need to be examined. People along the way, her responses to them, their treatment of her are intrinsically involved as well. Her writing her truth is cathartic. Anyone writing about being an alcoholic will indeed, write about events, issues and people along the way who had an impact, good or bad, on their life. Then again, anyone writing a memoir or autobiography will do so and not everyone we encounter has had a positive influence on us. Secrets may (probably will) come out. They are a family with many secrets.
No one sets out to choose to become an alcoholic, anymore than they choose to become diabetic or have cancer. All three are diseases. Hers just happens to be one in which she made (for whatever the reasons) poor choices to deal with varying problems, issues and her life, itself. Now she has to make conscious choices every minute to deal with herself, her life and her issues in a much healthier way.
Personally, I think they are afraid of what she might write. Perhaps, they should be. But therein lies the response. She might be ready to write her truth. They might not be ready or willing to read it, accept it, acknowledge it or answer to it. Their problem, not hers. That's their circus, their monkeys. Yet, all will have to deal with it in some way, shape or form. Truth can be a scary thing to those not able or willing to have it be out in the open. She needs to realize this and do what is important for her, in her journey to healing, to becoming healthy. She is still writing. Her telling her story is more important to her than their viewing it through their scratched and foggy lenses.
Sometimes we need to choose carefully who does read our material and who we choose to receive feedback from! Feedback can validate us or, at times, destroy us. Choosing who will see it, can encourage us or make us give up. We all need to take our critiques with that bit of common sense and weigh the what is said, both positive and negative... and why.
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| |  | Woman in white. (E)
A poetic tribute to the onset of addiction in it's darkest manifestations.
#2052861 by Shells  |
| | | The Art of Review (E)
Come grasshopper, let me show you the way to writing and receiving the best of reviews!!!
#2025745 by Ember |
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Quick-Quill  writes: Fyn, I'm going to writing, editing and looking through my port for stories to submit.
Looking forward to them!
drjim adds: Hello, Fyn! Its always a pure joy to return here, a sort of 'homecoming' for all of us who have found your Newsletter awaiting us, and of course, the neatest thing too is the fact that each time we arrive, we are sure to find new inspirations that ultimately lead to joys in every word we eventually write. The fact that your labor of love, the WDC Anthology for 2016 is now entering full-operative phase is quite exciting, and it is Webbie's and my most serious hope that many people will also become aware of this great opportunity to perhaps be published...and ultimately....get noticed by the world! WDC is now well over the "1 Million Member" mark, something we only dreamed of before! I feel such pride in being a part of a greater, writing family and with you at the helm, look forward to what becomes of the Anthology '16 in the months of creative musings ahead. Thank you, also, for posting my poetry on your selections list...it means a lot to me! Great Spirit bless you in all you endeavour.....Dr J
Patrece ~  says: Thank you, for choosing one of my short personification stories to be highlighted in your newsletter! It is such an honor!
The honor is all ours! It was a fantastic piece!
 Remember folks - The 2016 Writing.Com Anthology is now accepting submissions!!
for all the necessary info and submission form!!!
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For Authors: March 09, 2016 Issue [#7525]
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