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This week: The Madness of March Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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Marching to the beat of an Irish tradition ... |
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Hello folks! Welcome to another addition of the Comedy Newsletter.
March so far, has been one very busy month over at the Web-House. Busy because of our annual corned beef and cabbage extravaganza, for Web-Lock and his aunt and cousin earlier in the day, not to mention, (too late, I already did that) more corned beef brought to the clubhouse for several of our friends during the evening, dining shift.
Yes, it’s true, I have had two meal-sittings planned for that day for years. St Patrick’s day is important to Web-lock, who has Irish blood coursing through his veins. Me? Well, I’m the one with the French-Italian blood heating up my veins, but that’s okay, I figured give me any protein and I’ll turn it into a meal. This yearly event came about after I made my first corned beef and cabbage dinner for Web-Lock, the first St. Patrick’s Day we were together. Let’s go back into the WW time machine ...
“So Web-Lock, I realize that you are Irish, and must love corned beef. I could make you some for your celebratory day, in honor of your heritage.” 
“Uhhmmm, yes, yes, of course Web~Witch, that is our tradition. How considerate of you to offer.”
Little did I know that WL had spent years of his youth resenting corned beef, but since it was served each year, he suffered through the tough strips of the not quite cooked to perfection meat. However, he loved his mom and she, who was not Irish, tried her best each year to turn out the full fare, for her family to celebrate her husband’s Irish tradition. Each year, WL dreaded having to chew through fat and tough slices of the evil meat he had grown to hate.
Like the love he had for his mother trying her best to keep the tradition going, he gave me the thumbs up to make a corned beef meal in his honor. As I look back, I can almost feel his fear and pain and could picture him practicing in the mirror how to look like he really loved the meal he so hated, which was about to be placed on his plate, soon. 
To his amazement, it turned out that while he was carving the corned beef for the meal we were about to have, he discovered the knife slid right through the meat with no resistance. He was stunned, took pictures with his phone -- sent them to his Irish friend, bragging about the great meal he was about to have. “And it tastes as good as it looks, buddy!” Was the message he texted along with the photos.
I had no idea what to expect from his reaction as it was not one of my practiced and perfected meals. (In fact it was my first attempt at cooking this Irish meal.) I was actually very nervous that it wouldn’t match the fine flavor of all the childhood meals he’d enjoyed. 
Once the pictures were sent to his friend, he finally admitted his deep dark secret -- “WebWitch, I have been dreading even the thought of ever eating corned beef again!”
I couldn’t understand why he felt that way and yet agreed that I should cook the infamous meat for him. He said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, since I was being so kind to offer it and was happy to do this for him on that special day.
At the table during that critical meal, WL praised the cooking of the meat, claiming it was the best he ever had. Phew, hearing that made me feel it was all worth the nervousness I had, daring to attempt to cook the Irish banquet. The day ended well, to say the least. 
The next morning, WL said he had to run an errand, and would be back, soon. An hour later, he pulls up in front of the house carrying several heavy-looking bags up the porch and through the door, all the way to the kitchen counter. He slammed down the bags, not angrily, but because his arms were aching from their heft.
“What is it you bought, there, Web-Lock? It sounds like some pretty heavy stuff.”
One by one, he opened the bags and pulled out several packages of corned beef. 
“Oh, my goodness! Why did you buy all that tonnage of corned beef, WL? We just had some yesterday.”
“WW, there was no way I was gonna wait until next year for the corned beef to flood the markets. I saw them marked down and bought every one of them! Now, you can make me corned beef anytime I want some -- not just on St. Patrick’s Day!  ”
 Why, oh, why, couldn’t I have duplicated his mother’s recipe?  I saw what was to be my cooking project for months to come. I figured he’d get sick of it sooner or later. But, I also knew that it was processed meat and should be consumed judiciously. I told him I’d make another one the following week so he’d have his “fill”, and freeze the rest of them and cook them every so often -- for the next two years!
That was our first St. Patrick’s Day, together, folks. I hope if St. Patrick’s Day is one of your celebration days, that it was simply marvelous.
 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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A ski champion takes on a bit more than he can chew - Only Dialogue Contest
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Christopher Roy Denton 
Awesome Staples action in your newsletter today. My only question must be: why didn't you go along to join in all your son's fun on that blustery day? Thank you for the laugh!
I was about 1,300 miles away from all of it! I winter in Florida, so, it would have been a little extravagant to fight my way through the inclement weather, heading north, just for a chance to join in on my son's Staples' fun. I did think about the terrible snow storm while safely sunbathing, though. 
Thank you for the feedback, Robert!
the Wordy Jay 
What a laugh! Whoever knew that working at Staples could turn out to be so eventful! Poor Web-Son . . .
Loved your newsletter, WebWitch!
My thoughts, exactly, Jay! 
I'm happy you enjoyed the newsletter. 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! Perhaps it's the New England spirit, the one that says "I'm tougher than any storm or hurricane that comes along!" They should go to the Midwest and try a tornado or two. 
~ Laura
Been there, done that, Laura. I've lived in 4 time zones in the US, and have experienced blizzards, ice-storms, tornadoes, hurricanes, sandstorms, floods and earthquakes, to name a few. Not fun -- but I do enjoy preparing the French Toast that goes along with some of those weather events.
Always great to hear from you, kiddo!
Quick-Quill 
I work retail. Pacific Northwest. I moved here 10 years ago from MN and this is the one weird winter. The Midwest is predominantly flat. Portland, OR is built in a somewhat low land between mountains. Its all up and down and curvy roads that make my daughter carsick when she comes to visit. The mall shut down twice during the snow storm. We didn't open for 4 different days. Some days we opened as we are required to if the mall is open. No sales. Since we sell oil and vinegar, no one was rushing into our shop saying, "I ran out and I can't make it another day without it." Yet there were some people who had the day off and were bored. One man in a wheelchair, took public transport in the snow storm, from the other side of the river to our mall. When he found our shop closed, he pitched a fit and complained so loud the security officers had to ask him to leave the mall. He wrote a nasty email to our home office about how we should have been open for him. Go figure, most of us drive. We aren't risking our lives for one handicapped man who hadn't the brains to stay home.
Seriously! But I think you put your finger on it, folks were bored and were looking for an adventure on their day off. So, an urge for Italian dressing brought the guy in the wheelchair out? I mean I can understand French Toast making one chance dangerous drives, but salad?
innerlight 
WW I've lived in big trailers, small trailers and medium trailers when I was young. Besides I used to live in tornado alley they love trailers. I started a comedy series about WDC it's called The Cupboard representing the many drawers opened revealing the inner sanctum of WDC.
Tornadoes do love trailers -- and cows!  Go figure, those darn things know exactly where the trailers are hiding, and dive right for them! Or, they get a cow slammed right into them -- ssssh, don't tell Hooves (♥Hooves♥) about that!!! 
papadoc1
Altogether, this NL gave me plenty to reflect about how much RELIEF we feel when, joy of joys, we return to Massachusetts for our Spring & Summer & Fall days, knowing full well that living in the forested sections of that region means more often than not living with practical people... though weirdness has proven to be INFECTIOUS nevertheless.
I've always heard, "Can't fix stupid." Perhaps the weird behavior is a subspecies? Nix that one -- I can be weird at times, too!
Thank you, all, for your feedback. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month!
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Comedy: March 22, 2017 Issue [#8188]
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