  Spiritual
This week: For Women Only Edited by: Shannon  
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Welcome to the Spiritual Newsletter. My name is Shannon and I'm your editor this week. |
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How many people do you know who have been married longer than twenty years? How about thirty? Are your parents still married? How many of your friends and family members have been divorced?
According to McKinley Irvin Family Law, 41% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Those are some pretty bleak statistics, and for those in the midst of a floundering relationship, disheartening ones.
So what's a woman to do? The majority opt for marriage counseling, but does it really work?
According to some research, approximately a quarter of couples who receive marriage therapy report that their relationship is worse two years after ending therapy, and up to 38 percent of couples who receive marriage therapy get divorced within four years of completing therapy.1
I've never been to marriage counseling, but I know people who have and they all say the same things: "My husband talks about the things I do that irritate him, then I talk about the things he does that irritate me, then we [the couple with the aid of the counselor] come up with suggestions to 'fix' the problems. The counselor said we need to communicate more, and plan date nights."
I don't know about you, but listening to someone read a bullet list of my faults (or what they believe are my faults) would create more distance between us as opposed to intimacy, which is what everyone wants in their marriage, and this fundamental flaw is why I believe marriage counseling has such dismal outcomes.
Let me ask you this: when dealing with your children, does negative feedback get better results than positive feedback? How about at work? If your boss brought you into his office and listed everything you are doing wrong, would you want to work harder for him? What would happen if your boss brought you into his office to tell you how wonderful you are and listed all the things you are doing right? Would you want to work harder, do even better? Why should it be any different in marriage?
"How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon." ~ Song of Solomon 4:10-11
My eldest daughter is currently going through a divorce after ten years of marriage. My youngest daughter's best friend (a girl we've known since she was a child) is also contemplating divorce. Several of my coworkers have divorced or have unhappy marriages, and it's these stories that prompted me to do a little research on the matter. I read quite a few books on the topic, and most of them just said the same old tired things, but one stood out. One was very different.
In her book The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband's Time, Attention, and Affection, Laura Doyle says "Surprisingly, wives initiate two-thirds of all divorces, and among college-educated women, as high as 90 percent of them according to a study reported in the American Law and Economics Review." She goes on to say, "There's no such thing as 'working on your relationship.' There's only working on yourself--and then your relationship improves."
You can't change someone else. The only person you have control over is yourself. You can change how you act, what you say, and how you respond to your spouse. You have the power to be the best wife you can possibly be. Instead of pointing out everything he does that annoys you--instead of noticing what he isn't doing, thank him when he does something nice like bringing home that gallon of milk you asked for.
The Empowered Wife came about due to Laura's own floundering marriage. Years ago, after spending months in couples counseling (and $9,000.00), Laura realized her marriage wasn't any better. In fact, it was much worse. Too embarrassed to admit defeat and file for divorce, Laura took matters into her own hands and began interviewing women who had been happily married for a minimum of fifteen years. She took note of their insights and tried them out, tossing the ones that didn't seem to produce the results she wanted and keeping those that did. The end result is her best-selling book which has been published in over 30 countries and translated into nineteen languages. She even has her own show on Amazon Prime called Empowered Wives with Laura Doyle.
As I read Laura's book (originally titled First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors and republished last year with a new title and additional material/testimonials), her words rang true. I read the book twice. I have since purchased three copies for friends (the book is for women only) who are implementing the "Six Intimacy Skills" and preliminary reports are good.
Laura's mission is to end world divorce, but she recognizes that not all marriages can or should be saved. If you're in an unsafe relationship (married to a man who is "actively addicted to drugs, alcohol, or gambling; a physical abuser; or a man who isn't capable of being faithful") you must consider your own safety first. If your husband doesn't fall into any of these categories you have a good man and a marriage worth fighting for.
If you or a woman you know is unhappily married, separated, and/or contemplating divorce, please consider reading Laura's book. It's a game changer, and if you're at the end of your marital rope what do you have to lose?
Thank you for reading.
Notes:
1. https://guidedoc.com/does-marriage-counseling-work-statistics-facts
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I hope you enjoy this week's featured selections. I occasionally feature static items by members who are no longer with us; some have passed away while others simply aren't active members. Their absence doesn't render their work any less relevant, and if it fits the week's topic I will include it.
Thank you, and have a great week!
|  | A Fawn Set Free (13+)
True story--a man contemplating divorce learns a lesson from a deer caught in the wild.
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The following is in response to "Back to Basics" :
Happy Earth Day 2024!  writes: When I was young, I loved to write letters. It is a joyful feeling to write and imagine the receiver reading and thinking about you. Yes, we need to do that again. I agree, Connie. 
Quick-Quill  writes: You hit the nail on the head them pounded it into the ground. I think I'll write an blog about this. More of a personal record of the "other side" of the story. I don't know your parents, but I see a pattern here. One that is difficult to explain and sometimes the road is already set in concrete. Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. 
dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG  writes: So true about our current relationships in this world today, however, with Gods help and a strong relationship with him, Jesus, and Holy Ghost, there is hope that each one of us can have a better life style and brotherhood/sisterhood. His grace is sufficient and being united will only make us stronger for His as well as for each other. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. 
shepherd46 writes: Shannon, what a wonderful article! This has so inspired me to do better with my letter-writing and showing how I feel to those I care about. Fantastic article! I hope everyone here reads it! Thank you, Toni! 
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Spiritual: April 11, 2018 Issue [#8831]
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