 Comedy: July 10, 2019 Issue [#9641] |
This week: Buyer Beware! Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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Have you noticed the marketing schemes in place in every food market you enter? You'd probably say, "Huh,WW?" But, I really never thought this well-planned placement of items would cause the dreaded impulse-buyer lights, to pop-off until recently. Read on ... |
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Greetings folks! I hope you are enjoying your summer.  Well, some of you might be enjoying your winter, but that aside, it's already July. The 12th will be my 12th WDC Anniversary!  Time does indeed fly!
The other day I was doing my weekly grocery and necessity shopping. It was the usual market experience of trying to find a parking space close to the door. I believe in quick and easy entrances and exits. I'm a witch who rarely makes a shopping list. I basically use the wing-it approach. Often, I haven't even thought through what's going to be on the menu for Sunday family dinner. But hey, I manage, as if by magic. Plus, I like to get through the shopping experience as swiftly and painlessly as possible. In other words, unlike my beloved mother who was a grocery-shopping connoisseur, I was the hit the aisles, grab what is needed or might be needed, fill the cart, and, dump those non-perishable items I decided were not really needed by the register. Okay, okay, I hear ya. I don't do the dumping of items often. however, it is a liberating experience. The dumped items are usually "impulse buys." And, if there's anything I cannot tolerate is the sinking feeling that I'm being duped by the clever aisle-layouts of costly extras, that are in my face when I just want to buy coconut water.
That day, I got everything on my mind's list, plus figured out which protein to purchase, as well as the veggies to go along with it. I may be the cook in the house, but I am just as surprised as the guests as to what I'm going to prepare. With that bit of history on the strategy of a shopping witch, I'll get on with the rest of the story.
Buyers Beware:
Keep an eye on the aisles. Ordinary things that you find in their usual aisle are sometimes added to other aisles as a sale incentive. You know, impulse shoppers’ physical “click-bait.” Next to the chips, there will be a package of dip-mix on the shelf above, or, some higher costing soft drinks as a convenience, so you don’t have to go down the proper condiments or soft drinks, aisle.
On this particular shopping trip, I went down an aisle to grab a bottle of tonic water, which was the final item I wanted before heading toward the register to checkout. Something mysterious happened.  I was mesmerized by a jar of stuffed olives on the shelf above the various adult beverage mixers in that aisle. I like stuffed olives. I LOVE stuffed olives! I really meant to buy a jar when I bypassed the condiment aisle. I figured, I'd grab the jar from that aisle, pay the extra fifteen cents for the brand name, and, have the convenience of forging straight ahead to the cash register rather than backtracking down the aisle, around the bend, and almost to the other end of the store. A wise witch can pinch a penny when needed and make that trip back to aisle 2. However, a hasty-lazy witch will grab and go and pennies be darned!
I felt pretty good about my preference to do the beeline for the registers because I got to one that was just finishing up with the previous customer. I could feel it in my bones -- the closeness of freedom, being that much closer to the outside world! Tossing items from cart to conveyor belt was smooth. I was a witch on a mission! Then, I hear a voice taking my attention away from emptying the cart. It was the cashier! 
"Ma'am, I need proof of your age for this product. When were you born?"
I stood there, deer in headlights, mouth forming a big "oh." I thought perhaps I misheard what she was saying, and awaited further instruction.
"Ma'am, may I have your date of birth?"
I pulled myself out of the haze I was slipping into and finally responded. "My age? Why do you want my age?"
"I need to place it in the register code in order to purchase these olives."
"Excuse me? You mean to tell me you ID people who buy a jar of olives?"
"We have to, Ma'am. These have alcohol in them. They are tipsy olives. Didn't you know that?"
"No, I just saw olives and grabbed the jar."
"Did you find them on the bar-mixers aisle?"
"Yes, I did, but it didn't dawn on me they might contain alcohol. This market doesn't even sell beer or wine, why would I question the olives sold here?"
"If you don't want these, I can get you a regular jar of olives down in aisle 2. And they are much cheaper than the tipsy ones"
Yes, thank you! If I want my olives "tipsy" I'll give them higher quality alcohol. You know, the kind you get at a liquor store, not the alcohol inside an olive jar at a food market."
Well folks, I awaited her return with my colossal, un-adult-beveragated cheaper version of stuffed olives. And, I didn't have to give-up my birth date! I was shaking my head leaving the store and laughing in between. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd get carded for a jar of olives.
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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Whata SpoonStealer 
Hilarious! Very entertaining Webby. No wonder you attended. I mean, you have to wonder if anyone would attend after 50 years when the boys are included. As yours was an all-girl school, no boys! No vanity getting in the way. You really were a rebel—I'll make note of that!
Thank you, Adrie! I'm so happy you enjoyed the newsletter.  Indeed, I was and still am a rebel, kiddo! 
BIG BAD WOLF is hopping 
Had my 10th year reunion last year. Thing is, I wasn't on Facebook at the time, so everyone was like "Anyone heard from BBWolf?" "Wait, my sister's friends with his brother." Brother lets me know, I join Facebook, join the class group, and my first post is "Sorry, my nose must have been in a book, like usual." Got a chuckle out of them, as I was always reading in class. Finally got to wear the crown again, alongside of my queen. (No, I wasn't the Class King, but back in kindergarten, the class I was in did the "12 Dancing Princesses", and I played the King.)
 That is so cool. You got to wear your crown, again! I'm still waiting for my diploma!  They said they would mail it! Anyway, that's the thing about reunions, it sometimes takes word of mouth to get to all the classmates. If it wasn't for my old high school friend letting me know about it, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to go. And, it was way to much fun to have been missed!
Thanks for the feedback BBW. 
intuey of House Lannister 
 Isn't it hilarious that the cliques from high school ages ago are still in the same cliques? What's fantastic about it is though, now roles have usually reversed  It's the rebels (you know I was definitely one as well ) that still have a pep in their personality, not to mention, looking pretty good compared to the cheerleader and sports star tables. While the nerds, called geeks now (who knew they would be sub*urban*-popular?) are probably looking better than all of us with plenty of financial cushion to live a life of their dreams!
Got to love it! (Webbie, you were still a pretty good rebel. When we left school, it definitely wasn't to go to another's school event!  ) Love ya, Girl!  Tracey
Yup, the cliques that keep on cliquing, year after year! All in all, it was a fun night, and, I have to admit many of them have mellowed over the years. 
Thanks, T!!!
papadoc1
In the Battle Of The Cheerleaders, looks like you won THAT round. Cannot imagine what jumping up and down for 40+ years while hollering at the top of one's lungs could do to a poor gal!!
You had me with "Won that round!" Thank you for your perceptive input, Papa Doc! 
Sumojo 
Thanks for selecting my story
You are most welcome, Sue!
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
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