This week: Darkness Haunts of Unfortunate Events Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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It was a dark and dreary day that led to an ever darker, drearier night. The rain was pounding fiercely outside and the wind was howling with a vengeance. Then, the ultimate bummer -- the power went out! |
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Hello folks! Welcome to another addition of the Comedy Newsletter. It is I, WebWitch, reporting to you from my Southern Command Center in sunny south Florida! 
Up North Power Outage:
It was at least 24 hours without electricity, and a couple days before hitting the road to head south to Florida, my southern comfort, home. It’s always a frenzy at the Web-House in those days leading up to the actual move. Losing a day without power made it more difficult, as I had no washer or dryer, no heat, no water --  Yes, the joys of having a well and septic system and no city water connection. I live in the boonies, what can I say? The well won’t work without a pump and a pump needs electricity to do its pumping, and, no water means no flushing except for the first gratuitous flush in each bathroom, then its nothing.
Luckily, being a born and bred New Englander, we were taught to always be prepared. Jugs of water were available for the necessary flushing and I had a gas stove, so I could cook with the aid of candlelight or oil lamps, which I have.
Heat? Well, that was no go, as well. Thankfully the old haunted house/money pit is equipped with good old fashioned fireplaces, and WebLock was quite handy with chopping firewood from our many fallen branches and limbs that had been cut previously. My transistor radio had fresh batteries and I was able to keep up with any news reports about the outage. And a big plus was that my Kindle still had battery power so I could read at bedtime, which seems to come much earlier when there is no electricity. I had an oil lamp on the night table and it gave a warm, inviting glow. It was almost like living back in the 19th century, when My house was built, except for the radio, Kindle and cell phone with its built in flashlight to make the trips to the necessary room in the dark of night, although I knew my way there and all over my house in the dark.
Sometime after 8 a.m. I heard my neighbors’ generator shut off. I figured the power came back, or the the generator ran out of gas. I knew I had left lights on in the house when the power died, and I just needed to go down the hall to see a light and know all would be well in my witchy world. It was true, it was TRUE! I got the power, yes, I saw the light, and now I had to work doubly hard to make up for a lost day or washing dishes, laundry and floors before packing to leave.
Here I sit, in the warmth of the Florida heat, feet up on a coffee table, and contemplating if tomorrow will be a smoother day than the past couple days, here.
Yes, folks, wouldn’t you know it? We struggled to drive as far as possible taking into consideration the aches and pains of arthritis. Since we had fallen behind due to the outage, and we prefer weekend travel to avoid rush hour traffic in the big cities. People aren’t happy to be going to work and just as soon we snow birds stay outta their way and stop taking up space on their highways. Always happy to comply by choosing the weekends to travel.
We take the route further west to avoid D.C metro area, then go south-easterly in the North Carolina, until we hit I-95 in South Carolina. Much more civilized than sitting in traffic for hours along the upper “95” route all the way south.
Darkness Down South:
The last leg of the trip was the longest, but we were determined to make it home. The sun was setting as we got home, and proceeded to turn on the few circuit breakers we shut down that control fridge, stove, and water heater. The water is shut down for those months away, but the most important thing to not shut down is the air conditioner. Heat breeds mold and mildew. Thus, the AC is set to 80, usually the highest temperature before mold creeps in. The place was spotless, cool and inviting, until, I tried to get half the lights to turn on. By then it was a unlit closet where the panel was situated and already too dark to see the writing of where each circuit breaker goes. Evidently it goes to the closet where its situated, the bathroom, the dishwasher, and the kitchen lights, as well as the Florida room as they call it -- dark!
It was too late to call the management at the office so I waited until morning. I needed to go shopping for food because the fridge was empty, but happily, it wasn’t on that particular circuit breaker, so at least the food would keep. The stove is electric and must have its own 220 volt circuit, so that was not affected, but the fan and light over the stove and all kitchen lights were out. I was perplexed by the need to be driven into darkness from North to South so close to Halloween. What are the odds of that happening at both homes?
Maintenance came that afternoon, and Web-Lock went on a couple errands which included some veggies to go into the lentil soup I was making while I waited for the workers to find out what the problem was with the breaker springing off. They were checking inside, outside, all around the house and came to the conclusion that there was short in the wiring for that breaker and they would send out an electrician the next day.
Day two, I still can’t go shopping because I need to wait for the electrician. I know, why didn’t WebLock stay home so I could shop. Well, he had an appointment that day and had to be there at a certain time, so I asked him to bring back some fish from the store next to where his appointment was. The electrician got my kitchen and bathroom lights back on and the various other lights and electrical outlets that weren’t working, but couldn’t get the dishwasher to start. 
But then, that’s another story for another newsletter. If there’s one thing I learned about the two power outage issues, is ... I had a darn good excuse to not have to wash dishes on those nights! 
See folks? There’s always a bright side to the dark side. 
Enjoy all those trick-or-treaters tomorrow night! 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
You have an opportunity to grab one of these bony-beauties. 
Head over to "The Witch's Garden " , scroll down and check the drop-link for the secret entrance to collect one! You'd better hurry, because this collection window closes when Halloween is O-V-E-R!
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willwilcox
You should do stand-up. Very entertaining
 Yeah -- but only if I can do it sitting down. 
Thanks, Bill!, always a pleasure.
BIG BAD WOLF is hopping 
There is such a thing as Black Comedy - where something horrifying is going on, like a vampire trying to suck the blood of a young woman, only for said young woman to sock him a good one in the jaw, breaking his fangs, which makes it funny!
Absolutely, BBW. That describes some fine comedy-horror ! 
Indelible Ink 
"Let me ask you something -- do you ever add comedy to a horror story?"
It's certainly not intentional, but based upon the hysterical tone of the response I get from my boss, it seems to happen every time I ask him for a raise.
 !!! Yup! I can imagine that.
ForeverDreamer
My University (East Tennessee State University). has a study abroad program called " Appalachian/Scottish and Irish Studies". I participated. After it was over, I stayed a couple of weeks, and went to Belgium for a couple of day. There was a girl's soccer team soccer team on the ferry across the English Channel. I overheard one of the girls saying that she couldn't figure out where I was from. I told her that I am from Tennessee, in the Appalachian Mountains, but had been in Scotland and Ireland for about six weeks. I had picked up some Scots dialect on top of my Appalachian dialect. After I got home, I really got on my fiancee' s nerves. The mixture of the two dialects must have sounded very strange. "I'm a fixin' ta gae doon town ta
That must have been interesting to heah! Thank you for your feedback. 
Thank you for your feedback, folks!
see you next month. 
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Comedy: October 30, 2019 Issue [#9833]
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