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Don't want to give up, even if I get too busy. |
| Don't give up on what you have dreamed of for yourself. If you have forgotten, go back to the memory of your youth and when you dreamed. What are the things that made you happy or tickled you inside? That's the beginning of your inner wisdom. It'll guide you. That's where God speaks to us if you allow it. Don't want to ever give up, or I shrink and disappear. |
| Does anyone really read this stuff? I have written some stuff in hopes that I get read. I really haven't. I have spent too much time on this site trying to figure out the things I need to do to get read and when I think I've got it, I don't. Drives me nuts. Well, it did. Not so much anymore. True, I do want to be read. And true, I did stop writing on here for a while, and also true that I was eager to be finished with my membership but I see that I still enjoy writing on here just for the sake of writing. When all is said and done, I have been writing. And that's what it's here for in the first place, right? Wow, it's been nearly 9 days since I last wrote anything. If this is good for anything it's at least I get an email reminding me to write something, You know, "update you Blog". That in itself is worth the membership. It doesn't bring me an income but it is a nice reminder to do something toward my goal. So that's cool. I'm okay with that. So, to answer my own question, who cares anyway, I do. |
| I got up from bed tonight thinking I should do something on my site. Some kind of writing. I need to say something. I was thinking I don't really have anything to say tonight but you know, I have to develope that habit of sitting down and writing even when I don't feel like it. It's what I tell my kids all the time. Sometimes you just do what you think you don't want to do and when you are finished, you have something done and you can feel like you have accomplished an important task. That's a good feeling. So, here I am, a little sleepy and I am attempting to write. I have to ask myself, what if no one reads this, does it still matter? Yes. The answer is yes. I get a lot out of the doing. It increases my skills and lights a fire in my creativity. I know something good is happening here. I feel it. I feel the change even in the short period of time I have been doing this. It's sort of fun saying stuff and sending it out there in some unknown place. Hopefully someone reads it and finds this amusing, or even it helps them in their attempts to become whatever is their own dream for their lives. Who knows. Anyway, I'm really tired. I'm making too many mistakes and I have to get up tomorrow and tend to the meet and greet at church. til next time. |
| I got started late. I thought I was on track, got the house in order and the dog situated to guard the house. What that means is that I shut all doors and amke sure there is no visible food out and no open garbage that will find its way to the House floor. Everything seemed well until I got to the school assembly. I was late. I thought it started in the after noon. I was wrong. It was this morning. It was a celebration assembly for Martin Luther King. I was look forward to the speakers and one particular speaker, my dad. I missed the whole thing. I felt bad. I felt I let hem down. He likes to speak but he likes to have me there as his most important audience. He always wants to know how he did, in my opinion. But I didn't hear it. He shrugged it off as no big deal. But I know my dad, it was a big deal. After that I wasn't able to make all my appointments with the kids I mentor. The school schedule changed and I was lost. I should have rallied, been proactive in rescheduling my appointments, but... I didn't. I wanted to sit and think about my future. Where am I going in life? What am I contributing and am I making a difference? These were the topics of todays assembly, to the teens and future of tomorrow. I got stuck there. Asking myself these questions. How can I make a difference in the lives of kids if I haven't completed my dreams and goals? Isn't that a hypocrite of sorts? I say yes. Yes it is. So here I am. Writing my thoughts. Writing. Not a novel, not a play, not a short story but I am writing. And quickly I might add. This is huge. I couldn't type fast... ever. but with all the writing I have been doing, words fly off my fingers. This is a sign of good things to come. |
| Today we keep going. Always moving toward the goal of the dream. As I have said, my dream is to be a full-time professional writer. I don't want to do anything else. I have had years of doing what others wanted and expected and now it's my turn to do what I want. It continues. I get side tracked from the deeds of the day but as I pass my den every day, I am reminded that that is the path for me. I cannot be swayed otherwise. There is a time for everything. I have waited and listened to the so called wise and I have come to the point in my life that I know and can say with confidence that I am a writer. That is my calling. I am writing more and as everybody knows, the more you do a thing, the better you get. So, I may not be great now, but my passion for it covers everything. |
| Tomorrow I go back to work. The weekends always go by so fast. Spending time dreaming of what I would like to be doing and end up doing all the other family duties and running around doing everything else but the thing I would like to do. I am speaking of my weekends and myself as an aspiring writer. I always have plans to write and get a bit closer to my dream of becoming a full time professional writer but this weekend I was busy attending a party in our honor from our former neighbors who wanted to send us off with a memorable dinner saying goodbye. Some sad and some happy moments that we shared from over the many years we lived in the neighborhood. The next day we went back to the old house to clean up and bring over the last box to our new home. Tired from a long physical day of cleaning, I soaked in a tub, then watched a movie and fell asleep. The next day I went to church. After that, I attended my youngest son’s indoor soccer game. I came home and entertained visiting family, made dinner, ate, cleaned up after dinner, showered and now…I have a moment to be somewhat by myself, in between the interruptions of any one of my four boys needing me to attend to them for various urgent matters that have nothing to do with them going to bed. Tomorrow is almost here and I have not written any part of a book, short story, play or even a poem. This was a day in my life trying to become a writer. This also happens to be a normal weekend in my family life. The cycle of duties that never ends. I keep moving along, however. I sit at my desk looking at all my writing and reference books, believing that one day I’ll make it. I want to be an example of following your dreams. I want my kids to have dreams and believe they can come true. Oh, I can say follow your dreams, but shouldn’t I lead by example? I haven’t given up on me. They see, watch and even hear me. It’s important to be and do what we are born to do. It took me many years to realize that it was always in front of me. I try to teach that to my children, too. They will find it for themselves. I set the path, guide them along and let them know that I have the net if they fall, and they can get back up and keep trying. That's what I do. Believe in Dreams! ~Tamra B |
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