Father "Wacky Tabacky" Time

Prompt: Use 100% Straight dialogue. (No "he said" "she said", no prose, nada) to tell about meeting Father Time --





"Thank you for the ride, Sir. I'm indebted."

"A Dead Head? Cool, Man, me too. I caught 'em once in Philly . . . That show was righteous! And, I have seen some shows, let me tell ya. Long live The Grateful Dead! BRING ON THE BEEAAARS!"

"Uh . . . sure. Bring on . . .the . . . BEAARS! . . . I should have introduced myself. I'm Father Time."

"Hell, man. You've only been in the car a few minutes; you aren't that far behind. Man, I can't believe you were on the side of the road. Like a stray dog, Dude. Don'tcha got a limo or some cool shit like that? 'Triple f''n A' or some shit?"

"No, Sir. I don't."

"I figured you'd be at some rockin' party . . . several. A celebrity like you . . . shoot. People worship you."

"I don't know about that."

"Hell, yeah. You're the greatest thing since Pop Tarts."

"Thank you, Sir. I'm . . . at a loss. Most people don't recognize me. Even when I introduce myself, they think me a daft old gent."

"Look at you, Mista Big Time, with your 'Sir this' and 'Sir that'. The name's J.T."

"J.T. . . hmm. Do you mind if I crack this window, Si . . er . . . J.T.?"

"Not at all. So, you down with the Green Machine?"

"What?"

"Wrestle the Jolly Green Giant? Stroll with a roll? Kiss Mary J? Bump the Bammy? You dig 4:20?"

"Four and twenty . . . black birds?"

"Black Bird? Don't guess I've smoked that. Gotta couple hooters in the glove-box, though. One's just Indiana Ditchweed; but the other . . . well, it ain't no Jack Flash, but it'll getcha goin'. It'll light you up like the Fourth of Juuuuly, Brother-man."

"I certainly believe that."

"So c'mon . . . reach in there. Pull us out a party favor. Spark one of 'em owls up, Big Time."

"I really shouldn't."

"C'mon, man. When did you get toasted last?"

"This evening. Same as every year, I'm afraid; but, not in the same mann-"

"Well, roll that window back up and let's blaze a trail through the grass together, Man. Don't leave me out in cold."

"It is your car . . . . but . . .hmm. Well, . . . I am 'off the clock' as the saying goes."


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"What did I tell you, Big Time?"

"That was . . . Whew . . . I think my beard curled. Currllled. That's a funny word. Cuuurrrlllled. Say it J."

"Cuurrlld . . . I'm feelin' currlled . . . My toeees are currrlled. Yeah . . .man . . .told you this shit would tighten your wig."

"Hey, hey, . . . J.T. . . . How did you recognize me?"

"Easy, Big Time, I musta seen those movies a hundred times over."

"What movies?"

"Lord of the Rings, man. You play one BITCHIN' Gandolf, Dude!"