now i know ...

today,, i get to know a lot of things. the more i know about you, the better i realize that i stand no chance .... at all. in the end, it was seriously nothing. why was i dreaming all the way? why was i such a fool? why? tell me why ....
mhsdl, i don't even know what to say. you were so dumb. well, it's okay. at least now, it's all clear, right? i can't hold my tears. well, tears just come out like my heart has punched with an invisible fist. all of this time, i was nothing, huh? i knew it from the beginning but i refused to believe it. i was nothing out of nothing. yeah, how dare i expect you to think of me as a special person ... how dare of me ...
what i think of you was so true. you are such a nice person. i mean you are like me in some ways. somehow, you are even better than me. but from now on, i guess i don't need to impress you anymore. i am your classmate. and nothing more than that. you don't even know me. so ... yeah, time has finally come to move on. i shouldn't expect you to like me already. i should not have admitted that i like you. i should have denied it. there's nothing wrong with me to like you. but since i don't stand a damn chance, what is the use of expecting you to like me, tell me?
i guess mondays are quite unlucky for me. sometimes, i feel tired of trying to be a better person. it's like nobody takes a fucking attention. it's like they will enjoy their time better without me. i am just an .... outsider?
i didn't know that you had so many girls in your life. well, that girl that you loved is Fatin, huh? i think i know too much about you, which doesn't help me at all. it hurts me even more .... knowing all your personal life and past events. i am damn nothing to you which seriously makes me so sad. now what shall i do? NOTHING! i will do nothing. yeah. i don't give a damn shit. i will just make myself believe that you are nothing to me and that i don't want you.
someday, i will find someone better than you and he will be mine. someday, i will forget about you. someday, i will say that you were nothing to me. someday, when i think back, i won't even think of you as my first crush. i won't.