We're Only Human

We all goof-up and say or do things that hurt the ones we love the most (including ourselves when this happens). But, we are only human. Yet, that is the part we tend to forget the most when angry, or stressed out and feeling vulnerable.

We (relatives, friends, and total strangers) are only human. Few of us ever mean to hurt the ones we love. Yet, it happens all the time. I am as guilty as the next person of jumping to conclusions about things, and I hate the way that makes me feel.

Yes, in the heat of the moment I may still feel resentful and want to snap at the person who is not letting things go my way. But, deep down, I know that neither one of us means to upset the other. Yet, it is sometimes hard to not feel hurt and wonder, "what, on earth, have I said or done to him/her this time?"

So, I always try my best to keep calm and give my dear ones the benefit of the doubt. But, sometimes, even though I know I am not abandoned or rejected, it's hard to not feel or fear that I am or will be once again.

So, I am working on overcoming that feeling and fear. But, I am only human. So, I do make a muck of things sometimes. But, if they can be patient and understanding, I promise, I will be patient and understanding as well. But, we cannot know what we are not told. So, it is important for us to communicate better than we have before.

So, I am going to start by explaining why it is so important for me to not become upset or overwhelmed.

I have vision loss due to macular degeneration. That, coupled with other things has been causing me stress, anxiety, and depression. Macular degeneration is an inflammatory disease. Inflammation contributes to macular degeneration, and stress contributes to inflammation.

So, I know all too well how important it is to keep blood pressure down, and will do my best not to get a rise out of yours. But, I also need you to understand that when I reach out to you during my times of stress, I never mean to add onto your own. And, often, don't even realize that I am.

I belong to two online Mac D support groups and one physical low vision support group. I also go to therapy once a week to keep the major depression, generalized anxiety, and PTSD at bay.
I continue to receive services through the DBVI to thrive as well as survive. So, each day, I continue to adapt even more, because this next decade is going to be my best decade yet.

That's also why I created my blog, {xlink:theblurriertimes.com}The Blurrier Times{/x-link}. It is not monetized yet. But, in the grand scheme of things, the only way I am ever going to be able to get back into the workforce is if I am in control.

I tried (longer than I should have) to continue working. So, I know I need to be in complete control of both my hours and my lighting. Otherwise, I will only end up back in the boat I am drifting in now. But, how can I make that happen when I don't have the capital or savings to keep my head above water long enough to succeed?

That is what I am trying to figure out now. That, and how to finally get the love and the life that I so long for and deserve (from other people as well as from myself).

The last thing I need is for people to run away and hide from me because I am losing my central eyesight. After all, with macular degeneration, peripheral vision is rarely affected. So, I am learning to use that more and more. But, it takes some time and patience from me and everyone else who is or wants to be a part of my life.

All I want to do is learn to dance in the rain and have someone to cuddle up with once I've dried myself off.

And, now, since it is 2:53 am and this post is close to 750 words long, I am going to call it a night. But, first, I want to thank my mother and whoever else read through the entire post.

I hope you all have the best day ever. But, if you don't, fear not. There are better days yet to come.