Ranting

I have this dire need to change. I don't enjoy seeing my reflection in the mirror. I see how my body has gained weight, I blame stress and laziness. I don't want to eat meat anymore. I don't want to dress the way I do. I can't even understand my own humor sometimes.
But I am also busy, I finally found a job and it's okay. I don't but im earning money. I not really spending it well. I impulsively bought a t-rex costume, which I'll probably regret later. I haven't written on here for a while. It usually helps me. I feel like I'm just ranting. No end. Just endless typing. I started college too and I'm thinking of seeing a therapist. Hopefully they help me out.
Here's the thing. I think I am / have a body deformity? If that is even the correct term. I'm not deeply into it but I can tell it's not normal. I never felt this way about my body and weight. Sometimes I don't eat for 2 days. But I catch myself, so I eat. And then comes guilt. The starring in the mirror but looking at myself in disgust.
I think that's why i type here. Because I don't know you and you cant see me. No face to face judgement. Easier to type.. maybe no one will see this and that's " refreshing".