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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2186370-Writing-for-Fun-and-Leisure
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Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #2186370
Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool!
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes.

I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore!

I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children.

I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be.

I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone.
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November 20, 2019 at 1:16am
November 20, 2019 at 1:16am
#970082
06:10

My husband goes to work really early. Usually, it's at 4am, but he was answering a phone call at 3am today and...he has such a loud voice! Like, shut up, dude! People trying to sleep over here! So, after being woken up, I just could not get back to sleep. I lay in bed for like an hour, trying to force myself to go back to sleep but I kept thinking about my NaNo story instead. What a pain in the ass! And now I feel the beginnings of a headache coming on, which usually happens when I've not slept enough. And I'm yawning like crazy too. I think I'll knock out for a bit after I've dropped my child off to nursery today. No matter what I do, I just cannot seem to get in a decent amount of sleep. You would think my body would be used to it by now, but I've been going around looking like a raccoon the past week and a half. I need to start living a better lifestyle. This sucks! T_T

06:16
November 19, 2019 at 1:00am
November 19, 2019 at 1:00am
#970025
05:54

My eyeballs are hurting! I dunno what I specifically did to the screen yesterday to make it like this, but I've messed up the lowest brightness setting I had it on (since the sunlight was streaming in at that moment and I couldn't see anything) and now I can't figure out how to get it back to that setting. There's a whole bunch of bright settings, separate to the actual brightness control, and I can't figure out which one it was. I've got it on custom now, but even this is brighter than I'm used to. I spend so long on the computer every day I can feel my eyesight going bad. Such much for laser eye surgery! T_T

Anywho, I'm on 39,000+ words for my story. Just over 10,000 to go! It's absolute garbage but...I'm getting there :D

06:00
November 17, 2019 at 2:07am
November 17, 2019 at 2:07am
#969894
07:00

I got up late today. I feel awful. I've been down for about an hour and I've been wasting time watching YouTube *FacePalm* I'm a bit stuck with the story but I'll just keep on waffling until I get something good. The idea of NaNo is to write 50, 000 words. I can do that. Hopefully, I can do that easily. But content quality is something I'll worry about later. But I have discovered that I might actually give up on the series of stories I was planning to write about the characters I'm currently writing about. It's too...unrealistic. Even if the changes I'm thinking of making are minuscule, they can affect the characters in drastic ways. Although I say it's the same love story, it wouldn't be. Too much would change.

I had an interfaith event yesterday. It was good, although the turnout wasn't great (it never is for the events I've organised). But though I hosted it, I didn't participate in the discussion at all. Everyone threw out lots of ideas about how we could get the message of interfaith out there but I just sat and watched the proceedings. I felt like an idiot. I never know what to say in discussions. If I don't have something worth adding, why throw in my two pence?

Anyway, off to write...or maybe watch some more YouTube videos...:D

07:07
November 16, 2019 at 1:15am
November 16, 2019 at 1:15am
#969797
06:10

I'm thinking I'll use the remaining 20,000 left for my NaNo entry on waffling. Maybe give a bit of backstory to the MCII, but I'm finding it hard to integrate his story into the plot. The other backstory is essentially part of the plot so...well, I say "plot" but...it's not really. Well, it is, but it's just kind of lame and I know I could have done better, but I think my stories usually start out this way - I write an absolutely crappy piece of work and by the time I get to the end, I actually have a story idea. So then I start writing again, with the new idea in mind. But I'll see how I do. If I can, I want to be able to salvage this story at the end of it, instead of starting over from scratch. Mind you, it wouldn't be too bad if I did write this whole thing over again because I've butchered the main character!

Now I'm off to try and de-butcher her...

06:15
November 15, 2019 at 1:29am
November 15, 2019 at 1:29am
#969734
06:24

So I'm at like 27,000 words right now. And most of it is waffle, I think. But I'm putting in conscious effort not to go back and change things because the story subtly evolves as I write and the characters change. I might just scrap the idea of writing a series of the same characters' love story over and over again with tiny differences altering their timelines and backstories because, while they do meet and end up together, some things about them have changed and they're no longer the same people. But anyway, I'm sure I've mentioned this somewhere in the past few entries I've done. I think it's still pretty plotless. There has been a bit of a development on the backstory front - i.e. conflict has come in the form of one of the character's family. But I'm stuck again because this seems like it will be the biggest conflict in the story and I'm already dealing with it at 27,000 words in. What do I do for the remaining 23,000?!

These entries are getting shorter...

06:28
November 14, 2019 at 1:28am
November 14, 2019 at 1:28am
#969603
06:20

This is supposed to be my time! Boo-hoo! But yesterday, my son broke his curtain rail so now he has no curtains in his room! Because of that, he woke up at some point in the night and, due to the light coming into his room, he didn't fall asleep again! Now I can hear him puttering around in his room. The little brat! I want my time! I need my time! T_T

In other news...there is no other news. I might have found another friend to look over my mermaid story for me but with the amount of times I've been disappointed so far, I'm not hopeful. It's one of those things you just have to get on with, don't you? And even if I don't get a second opinion, I'll put the story out there. People who really need to work on their writing - like, really need to work on it - fearlessly put their stuff up and here I am, agonising about details when I know I'm a good writer. But the perfectionist in me cringes at the thought of putting something up when I could have done better. But to hell with the perfectionist! Anyway, the comment feature allows people to comment paragraph-by-paragraph so, while that is daunting as hell, it's also pretty useful, right? I can make whatever corrections I need to as people read.

06:28
November 12, 2019 at 1:10am
November 12, 2019 at 1:10am
#969480
05:59

I have decided that I will continue with my plotless drivel of a novel until I've reached the end of NaNo. Last year was better than this, when I basically pulled two fairytales out of a hat and tried to redo them with my own characters - the result was not good. But still better than what I have now. At least there was a plot! T_T

The main character is getting on my nerves and I'm finding it very difficult to figure out what the love interest sees in her...I've butchered her character too much. But maybe I'll just go with her backstory being the focus of the story. At this point, I don't have anything else. She is shy to a fault and this shyness - and her fear - is rooted in her family's treatment of her all her life. But I have no idea what the end result will be yet. Oh well. I'll just continue writing.

I could not, for the life of me, map this story out. Even before NaNo, my attempts fell flat. I think there's a mental block. The story of these two characters - although I'd planned to write it again through various stages of fantasy - is one that I know well from the first writing. However, since then, the characters have evolved. I suppose that's unavoidable. As I grow older, my perceptions change, and this affects the characters I make up. So I don't know how feasible it is to continue writing the same - well, fundamentally the same - story again and again.

This has been an interesting exercise, looking at my ideas in this way. It definitely gives me some food for thought. Like, how do I now proceed with the idea of retelling the love story of these two characters? If they change with me, will they still be the same characters? Can I make them stay the same? Do I want them to stay the same? Hmm...

06:10
November 11, 2019 at 1:14am
November 11, 2019 at 1:14am
#969411
06:07

Unexpectedly, the story is not going very well. I'm writing as I usually would, just letting the characters take me where they may and hoping somewhere along the way, a plot will show itself like it normally does but I think my style of writing has changed. I can't think of a plot. I want a plot so that I can work towards an end goal, instead of just meandering through the characters' lives. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I couldn't think of a plot before the month started and hoped that when I'm sat behind the keyboard, with the document open in front of me, the words would just come spilling out, but it's not the case. I'm a little stuck.

Another thing as well - I thought I knew these characters so if I changed a few details about their lives, they wouldn't be that different but...yeah, they are. So the guy from a rich family is now working class and it has upset the whole balance because he's now lived a completely different lifestyle, made different choices, met different people! Oh, and let's not forget how "elements" of fantasy were supposed to "creep in" but, instead, they're smacking you in the face from a few pages in! *FacePalm* Let's not even get started on what I've done to my main character. She's now from a wealthy family...well, she kind of was before too, but she herself was working class since she chose to build a new life for herself. Now, she hasn't built anything! She's being docile and just going along with whatever her parents say. I've made such a mess of this! *Cry*

06:17
November 7, 2019 at 1:07am
November 7, 2019 at 1:07am
#969165
06:00

Usually, at this time, I'm on a tight schedule. I wake early, do my morning prayers, get some writing done, and then my son wakes and I get him ready for nursery. I get a couple of hours to myself, to do what I need to do. Of course, when you have a glass of water at hand and you manage to knock it all over your computer desk, it significantly eats away at the allotted time you have. Argh, I'm so mad! I hope there's no damage! *Cry*

I'm usually very cautious about putting drinks near my computer...well, no, not really. But since I moved the desk down to the kitchen (don't ask), I've grown accustomed to eating and drinking at the computer. I should really be more careful than that. Dear me. I feel so crappy right now.

In other news...there is no other news. NaNo is proceeding fairly smoothly. I'm logging my word count every day and there's always something more to add so it's all good. Although I'm still stuck on what the premise of the story actually is. At the moment, the characters are just getting to know one another better.

06:06
November 5, 2019 at 1:03am
November 5, 2019 at 1:03am
#969024
05:56

So far, I am actually quite chilled with NaNo. It's a far cry from last year, when I had to help organise three events for Islamophobia Awareness Month, write a couple essays, attend various events for said Islamophobia Awareness Month, and worry about a novel, all within the same month! It was crazy. Oh, and add to that the general stress of having a small child and another, bigger child husband who doesn't help all that much.

But I got through it. It was good to be kept busy, although I am glad the pace is a lot calmer this year. I've only got the one event planned, which I've already sorted the details for (mostly). As for assignments, I do have a couple to do but I can only do them if I've been for placement and I haven't yet. It's inevitable that I'm not really going to finish the course until mid-late next year, after I get my 100 hours for placement, so I guess it's no big if I have to wait with the assignments too.

Anywho, I'm going to get some writing in before it's time for college.

06:03

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2186370-Writing-for-Fun-and-Leisure