Shop This Way

Covid’s comin’ and I’m hidin’ under covers
Tryin' to keep gram and grampy safe
They say don’t leave your home just sit there all alone
'Til everybody’s completely insane
You’re your kids new teacher and a warden and a preacher
Thinkin' of the old days that you want back
Cause there’s nothin' else to do except starin’ at your crew
Wanna give em all a little smack like that

But one day you see I got a bit o’ diarrhea
Sittin' with feet stickin' up in the air
I reached down for the TP and I got a little weepy
When I found there was nothin' there
So I took a big chance in my pajama pants
I was gonna go shopping that day
There was a Walmart greeter told me stay away at least a meter
If you’re talkin' would ya please not spray

He told me to shop this way, Talk don’t spray
Shop this way, Don’t talk moistly
He told me to shop this way, Talk don’t spray
Shop this way, Don’t talk moistly
Just put on a mask
Like that

Down the one way aisle I was creepin' to the TP
Just hopin’ there was something for me
But there were three young farts just a’loadin' up their carts
Enough to last em an eternity
I knew I was gonna lose it, said use don’t abuse it
Everybody’s gotta deal with their crap
That’s when they were gonna run and I didn’t have my gun
So I gave em all a little slap
Like that

My rage was cookin' and I was fish-hookin'
Gouging eyeballs and a’pullin' hair
Fists started swingin' and the dirty words were slingin'
Who I hurt I really didn’t care
I sifted through the wreckage and found myself a package
To the covidiots down on the floor
Said we’re all one nation use everything in moderation
Take what ya need but don’t take no more

And I told them to shop this way, Talk don’t spray
Shop this way, Don’t talk moistly
I told em to shop this way, Talk don’t spray
Shop this way, Don’t talk moistly