Addiction's Tentacles

Something inside of me has died...
And something reborn
Everything from my former life has changed
My addiction's tentacles reach out for me
Whenever I try to leave
Jealous of my sobriety...
A woman scorned, yet acting so naive

On days where things don't go my way
She cries with me...shedding tears of pain and regret
And on days when everything is great
Laughing along right by my side
From the best friend I ever had...
To the only friend I have left
Life is moving fast on a downhill slide

She takes everything, yet gives little in return
A progression of self-loathing, hatred, and fear
As I try to escape the hole I've dug
The withdrawals will be severe

Separated from the man I was before
Addiction needs detachment to sustain my using ways
And with no empathy left inside my heart
Caring little about this person whose reflection I see

Struggling....but not fighting for my life
A carbon copy of an abusive relationship
Knowing the ugliness of my addiction...
And my frivolous overindulgences
Living each day without any love or affection

Hungry and demanding, yet never satisfied
Why would anyone choose this life of despair?
I see the door, but I'm frozen with fear
She will track me down and bring me back...
Just like last time, and the time before

A small voice screams from deep inside
Strange...yet sounding just like me
Urging me to run, and to never look back
But we know I won't...how can I leave?

She was there for me when no one else was
When I was alone at night, she held me tight
Yes...there was a price to pay
But everybody wants something
Nothing comes for free in this world we live

But she wasn't honest enough to show the cost
Because her honesty is not like mine
And the price to pay is too high...
I was lying to myself, that I cannot deny

Her love is toxic to the soul
Injected into my vanishing veins
A horror movie come to life
Without the popcorn, or the company
And an early death becomes the price of the entry fee

Hindsight is clear when seen through the eyes of a slave
Who is sleep-deprived, and love deprived...
And touch-deprived to the point of insanity
And with little sleep in weeks
I'm too tired to care
But not tired enough to quit this life of profanity