Moon Material

The following was transcribed during the Luna 9 touchdown on the moon on February 3rd, 1966. You must understand that I am not fluent in Russian, however, I am remembering this day as best I can, it’s been a long time ago, you understand?

The excited reporter nodded her head up and down in understanding.

The day was full of motion and activity and I can only recall some of the conversation, however, I do remember the most famous part that is to this day still full of controversy. I will read what I wrote on this particular day.

“Super! We’ve done it comrades! We landed on the moon!”

“Take pictures, gather samples”

“Sir, impossible, this craft will not return to Mother Russia.”

“Curse words,” I did not understand, “bah, push this button here.”

I saw this commander reach across the console and press a button. This action caused an uproar and I cannot even remember all the craziness that happened that day. The best I can remember is there was a contraption built into the Luna, a probe of some sort that disconnected from the spacecraft and dove into the moon.

“It WILL return and bring samples!” The commander was adamant.

“There was no remote video or audio, you understand, so no one knew what he was talking about.”

“Go on,” the reporter urged.

“That’s it, that was all I heard that day.

“Well that’s nothing special, I may have just wasted both of our time. Thank you for telling me that though.” The reporter told her as she was getting ready to leave.

“Wait! I haven’t told you the best part. I was working a few weeks later when the so-called disconnected probe returned. Again this was all hush, hush and I don’t think this was ever released to the public. After a few days I heard the crew talking and I still can’t even believe it. I had to check my spelling and ask others exactly what this word meant.

“You can’t be serious!”

“It’s correct, I checked it half dozen times.”

“Here you look!”

“I watched as three different scientists took turns looking at the microscope. They would pull the slide out, turn it over and inspect it, put it back under the microscope and I heard.”

“Unbelievable!”

“No one will ever believe this!”

“That’s right, we will not publish this, we will not tell anyone, it’s only for the best.”

“They all grumbled and talked but I was out of hearing range so I couldn’t transcribe what they were discussing, except, when they were leaving I did hear what I’m about to tell you.

Again, I checked this word hundreds of times because I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing. I asked everyone I knew who speaks Russian, I know what I heard. That probe brought back a sample of the moon, and they were saying, the moon is definitely made of CHEESE!