Bipolar Disorder Personal Essays
Intro to Essays on Bipolar in my book (publishing soon)
with Hope for All
Having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, some urges to write come to me while "under the influence" of my own biochemicals. Sometimes I'm up. Sometimes I'm down. If you read much of my poetry, you may think I'm always down.
Can you tell when my moods shift? I never looked in my journaling for that in particular, but I imagine it manifests in my writing. My mood, or present attitude or personality, is greatly out of my control, but I'm generally good about taking my meds, and I'm usually pretty stable. But every 7 to 10 years I slip into psychosis and check in for a hospital stay to get my meds re-regulated. Mood shifts, my emotional vitality and viability, is sort of free-floating. Life happens. I live the best situation I can manage. I'm usually open to considering advantageous adjustments--just first, please, give me some time to calm down, and quit panting and palpitating like a wild animal in a "fight or flight" involuntary response. When your body is primed for springing into action, it's difficult to refrain.
I was diagnosed as bipolar in my mid-thirties, about 25 years ago. These writings come from experiences I've had, or self-debated about, and written about during those adult years. What I share, I hope will ease fear and negativity associated with this mood disorder diagnosis for those who deal with such problems on a daily basis.
I want to encourage every bipolar to seek the creative gift interwoven with your bipolar manifestation. No one can tell you where to find your particular gift, or what it is that will lead you to a better and unique perspective. Bipolars may climb through many emotional chasms and slip and slide the downhill emotional runs before discovering the passion of the gift inside themselves. You may know what "it" is already, or it may be the search of your bipolar lifetime. I write and love artistic endeavors.
Celebrate unique creativity, wherever you may find it. Bipolar disorder does not have to be all bad.