Me And Brad Pitt

Me And Brad Pitt


Carl looked across the table at the girl he just met. This chick is just drop-dead gorgeous. “So, you wanna go to the movies, or something?"

Gee, he’s pushy. “We just met, Carl. I hardly even know you.”

You don’t need to know me. I just wanna go out. “What a better way to get to know me, huh? Whatduya say? You pick the flick.”

He is awfully cute. What could it hurt? “Well, there is that new Brad Pitt movie I’ve been wanting to see.”

Oh great, a Brad Pitt groupie. That guy makes me sick. “Sure, that sounds great. I love Brad Pitt!”

He loves Brad Pitt? Is that normal? “All right then, pick me up at eight.” Jenny scribbled her address and phone number on a napkin and handed it to him. “Here you go. I’ll see you then, Carl. And, uh, it was nice to meet you.”

And he scores! Yes! “Uh, you too, uh . . .” he quickly looked at the napkin, “uh, Jenny.”

He didn’t remember my name! What an asshole. “Okay then, I gotta run. See you at eight.” This is stupid. This is so stupid.

As Jenny readied herself for a guy she hoped would never show up, she wondered if she had made another one of her impulsive blunders. Just a movie and cup of coffee. That’s it!

There was a knock at the door.

Oh, hell, he’s here. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do . . .?

There was another knock -- louder.

Carl was beginning to wonder if Jenny had given him a phony address. He knocked again. Man, I knew this was too good to be true. She stiffed me with the oldest trick in the book. The fake address! Geez, what was I thinking? He turned to walk away.

Jenny opened the door. Here goes nothing. Carl was halfway to his car when she called out, “Hey, where you going handsome?” Oh, why didn’t I just let him leave?

Carl turned around smiling. “Hey Jen, I thought you weren’t home.”

If only. “I didn’t hear you knock. Come on in for a second while I get my things.”

Carl, in his enthusiasm, bounded up the sidewalk to the front door nearly tripping on the porch step. Whoa! That was stupid. Now she’ll think I’m a klutz! “Hi, Jen. You look great!”

What a klutz! And since when did he get permission to call me Jen? "Thank you, Carl. Let me just grab my sweater and purse and then we can go.” She walked to the coffee table and picked up her effects.

This place looks awesome! How does she keep it so clean? It even smells wonderful. “You gotta nice place here. Do you rent or own?”

That’s none of his business. “Oh, I rent. It’s about eight hundred a month.” Why’d I say that? I gotta learn to keep my mouth shut.

“Eight hundred, wow . . . that’s a good deal. I pay more than that and my place can’t hold a candle to this. Very nice.” This is one stupid topic. How'd we get talking about rent?

“Thanks, I like it. Well, I guess we better go.”

She doesn’t trust me. She’s trying to get me outta here. “Yeah, sure. The show starts in forty-five minutes.” And it only takes ten to get there.

Great. I can watch Brad Pitt and not have to worry about small talk. “It’ll probably be crowded since it’s a new movie. It’s better we get there early.”

Yeah, right. I wouldn’t want to miss Brad Pitt’s big entrance. “Yeah, I don’t wanna miss a minute of this flick. I heard it was really good.” Why’d I say that? I haven’t heard anything about this movie!

“Really? What’d you hear?”

“Well, I heard it was about Troy and that Brad Pitt was really good in it.” Phew, I dodged that bullet.

He's lying. I’m surprised he even knows the title of the movie. “Uh, yeah. Okay, let’s go.”

They hurried to the car and Carl discovered his first major crisis.

Should I open the car door for her or not? Come on, Carl, make a decision. “Here, let me get that for you.” He opened the door.

“Why, thank you, Carl.” Brownie points for that.

Yes! Good call, dude. “No problem, my pleasure, Jen.” Do guys really take pleasure in opening car doors for girls? As Jenny slid into the seat, Carl caught a glimpse of her creamy white thigh. You bet they do!

Did he just look up my skirt? What a pervert! Take away those brownie points.

The car trip was short and uneventful. They talked about the weather and how bad the traffic had been lately. Since they were there early Carl found a decent parking space. He pulled in and turned off the car.

“Here, let me get that door for you.”

Not this time, fella. “No, it’s all right, I got it.”

See! Girls send out confusing signals. Either they want doors opened for them or they don’t. Unless she saw me look up her skirt. Hmmm . . . naw, it couldn’t be. I was too smooth.

They walked to the ticket window and stood in line. The theater had just let out and Carl was jostled against Jenny by the passing crowd. For a moment, he felt the warmth of her body and smelled her hair.

“I’m sorry, Jen. It’s a little crowded here.” He firmly grasped her arm with one hand, and steadied her so that she wouldn’t trip or stumble if pushed again. God, she smells wonderful. And her skin is like velvet.

Oh, he has such a strong grip, and he smells good too. Look, he’s protecting me from the crowd. How sweet. Brownie points. “That’s okay, Carl.”

She briefly looked into his eyes -- liked what she saw.

It was their turn in line and Carl purchased the tickets. He gently ushered her into the theater. “You want some popcorn or something?”

“No, not really, but you go ahead if you’re hungry.” I am hungry, but this date has made me so nervous, I lost my appetite.

Man, I’m starving. I could pig out on that snack bar right now, but she’d probably think I was rude if I ate in front of her. “Naw, I’m not hungry at all. I ate a little something before I came over. Let’s go find a good seat.” I gotta get away from the smell of this popcorn before my stomach starts growling.

“All right, Carl.” Man, that popcorn smells good. Get me outta here.

They found great seats, and it wasn’t too long before the movie started. Some kids in the front row started whooping and hollering. The theater sounded like it had gotten a flat tire as the entire audience let loose a big, “Shhhh . . .” But the boys got even louder and more obnoxious.

“Geez, that’s terrible. I’ve never seen such rude people before. If I was a guy . . .”

Carl jumped up. “Hey! Shut up, assholes!” he shouted. The entire theater grew dead quiet. Carl sat back down. “There, that oughta hold ‘em.” There was a light spattering of applause from the audience.

Oh, so forceful. I like that. Smiling, Jenny hooked her arm through his and settled into a portion of his shoulder. They shared the armrest together for the rest of the movie.

Carl beamed. “I can’t stand that kind of behavior. It really pisses me off.”

“Oh, you are so right. Thanks for taking care of it.” She smiled up at him and squeezed his arm. Nice muscles. Hey, this guy’s in pretty good shape. Now don’t go crazy, Jen. This is just an innocent first date. You don’t wanna seem too easy.

Carl started enjoying himself. He really liked having Jenny with him. She made him feel good.

“I’m glad you decided to come, Jen.”

“Me too,” she whispered.

Carl caught a whiff of her hot, sweet breath. He wanted nothing better than to kiss her right then and there. He bent his head to one side and moved in close.

“All right! There’s Brad Pitt!” she yelled.

Carl immediately tried to cover, pretending to get a kink out of his neck, turning his head from side to side. Jenny looked up at him.

Was he just trying to kiss me? Oh, my God, I think he was. Do something, Jen. Don’t leave him hanging. She grasped his hand, and gave it an endearing squeeze.

Carl brightened and gave her a firm squeeze back. They both comfortably squinched down in their seats and enjoyed the movie.

When the credits finally started to roll they both decided to sit there for awhile and let the crowd move through to the exits.

“That was awesome!” Carl said. “I loved the battle scenes.”

“It was so romantic,” Jenny added, enthusiastically. “To think that two people could cause so much death and destruction just because they loved each other.”

They talked about the movie all the way home.

“You know, I never really liked Brad Pitt. But I was impressed with his performance,” Carl said. “That dude can really fight. He was great.”

He pulled up to the front of Jenny’s house. He didn’t ask her this time, but instead, hopped out of the car to open her door. Jenny didn’t mind. She looked into his eyes as he gently took her hand and helped her out of the car. They slowly walked to the front door.

This was about the time Carl confronted his second crisis. Should he attempt to kiss her or not? He didn’t want to scare her off by coming on too strong. He really liked Jen, he liked her a lot.

“This was fun,” she said. “Let’s do it again sometime.” He looks like he wants to kiss me. I want him to, but I don’t want to scare him off by coming on too strong.

“Yeah, it was fun. You were fun. I had a really great time.” Get on with it. Kiss her! “Well, I guess I better be going." No stupid! Don’t go! Kiss her!

“Oh, okay. I guess it is getting late. Well, thanks for the wonderful time.” She offered her hand. What are you going to do? Shake his hand goodnight? Pitiful! That is really pitiful. Kiss him! Kiss him!

“All right then, goodnight.” He took her hand and held it. Ah, the hell with it. He pulled her to him and kissed her. Kissed her like Brad Pitt. She kissed him back. They stood there in each other's arms for a long time, neither of them saying anything. Finally, he let her go.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure, that would be great.” She opened the door and stood on the threshold. “Why don’t you call me tonight? As soon as you get home. I’ll wait up.”

“Sure, Jen. I will. I promise.” He turned to walk away, tripped on the porch step again, and almost fell on his face. What a klutz I am! “See you, Jen.”

What a klutz! He has an Achilles heel. “Bye, Carl.” He’s leaving, do something! “Uh, Carl, are you hungry?”

“Hungry? I’m starving!”

“Me too! There’s a Denny’s just up the street. You wanna get a bite to eat.”

“Sounds like a plan. Come on.”

They both laughed, feeling much more comfortable with each other now that the first kiss was out of the way. They drove off down the road chatting like they had been friends forever. All because of Brad Pitt. What a guy.