Public Journal and Blog
|Random ramblings, public journal, running blog.|
| So for a little bit of context. I play an online MMORPG called Tibia, pruduced by CipSoft. Been playing it for a while and I find it to be a very relaxing game that de-stresses and relaxes me.
I was in the English Chat, and people started logging on and chattering, and I said "Shhh, I'm hiding, or more like avoiding." I meant it as a joke, but it had some truth to it. I've found that writing can be stressful for me, partly because I feel very out of practice, partly because I have high expectations of my work, and recently I've realized, a good portion of that stress is my impatience.
I've feel that God once called me out on an attitude about life that I have, saying, "You see a goal, I want to do x, and you think the moment you decide the "what" of I want to x y z, you should already be there. If you decide you want to write a book, the moment you decide you want to write it, somewhere in your mind is the idea that it should be finished by now, instantly. That isn't how it works. If the goal is to reach the top of Mount Everest, you don't stand at the bottom, tell yourself you're going to climb it and set out at the bottom walking your way up, clearing small rocks and single steps one after the other to get there, that isn't how you think, you are instantly frustrated that you're not already at the top looking down. You have to learn to accept the idea that you need to stop focusing on the top of the mountain, take one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, and don't look at the mountain, look at the rock. To scale a mountain you step one step, move one rock and step one step, move the next rock. Stop looking at the mountain and look at the rock. You have to break things down into the process of getting there, not simply skip to the end of the destination, and you are impatient, your nature wants to always be instantly and magically teleported almost to the end result. Life does not work this way and one thing that will help you with the stress of feeling that pressure is to learn to accept this in life."
It's my biggest stress with writing. I know it takes more time, work, and steps to finish a book than just deciding to write one. But my emotional systems and instincts don't want to work with this fact of life.
In an attempt to start to manage this aspect of my personality, I've started organizing my writing stuff into Folders here on writing.com, in an attempt to "gather my rocks" so to speak, and then start to try to train myself to work with "a rock at a time" instead of the whole "mountain", whatever that mountain may be. I'll have to train myself, more notably, to be patient with my rocks, and accept that each rock will take time, and to give myself this patience and time.
I realize WHY God helped me understand this about myself. Because of how I think because it is my nature to think that way, I stress myself out 1000% more with every task, goal, and want in my life. It makes me grumpy, impatient, leads me to burn out, leads me to quit because I don't feel things are going fast enough or measuring up to that unrealistic progress, and yes, I admit, put those expecatations on others around me and be short, grumpy, and feel failed by those around me, all because my nature doesn't seem to understand that it has to work in the terms of what is REALITY instead of how I wish things worked.
I comment that the culture of today is an "instant gratification" culture, often with that tsk tsk "older and wiser" air about others. Pot call the kettle black much?
It's part of why so LITTLE of my writing is finished, because I quit when I have to do the "WORK" part of slinging the small rocks and slowly taking the steps instead of the one big leap.
It's something that has been touched on in my life more since returning to writing.com. We're all a work in progress. I'd be a liar if I said it was just my writing. It's not, it's everything, from the remodeling of my house that I'm currently in the process of, to training my puppies, to me and my husband growing through our differences in our marriage, and my writing and even how "mature" my son is at 8 compared to where I'd like him to be. Patience is not one of my virtues.
Maybe, this is the "mountain" that I need to do the real work on, so that the rest of them don't crush me with their weight.