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Guided by prompts from WDC blogging challenges... and of course, life |
HI! I'm Jenn - and I'm all over the place (well, at least my mind is). In this blog, I have attempted to gather my thoughts on things prompted/inspired by WDC blogging challenges from "Journalistic Intentions"  , "The Soundtrack of Your Life" , "Blogging Circle of Friends " , "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" and, well, LIFE.    |
2/3/22 - Day 3 Prompt: Last Year's Playlist (2021). Which songs were you listening to most often over the past year? 2021 saw the return home of my eldest after about 7 years away. She had moved back in with us in order to escape an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. While she was getting settled in, since I was unable to work due to health issues, we listened to quite a lot of the music we had listened to while the girls were growing up. One day, I was listening to my personal playlist online when she rushed out of her room and excitedly stated, "I remember that song! Remember when I thought you had just made up a song about me? That's it!" She was, of course, referring to Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" - and yes, she was so vain back then that she thought the song was about her. Of course, back then the only part she heard was the chorus: "I bet you think this song is about you Don't you don't you don't you? I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee clouds in my coffee and You're so vain You probably think this song is about you You're so vain (you're so vain) I bet you think this song is about you Don't you don't you?" We finished listening to the song, reliving happy memories of more innocent times, laughing at the vanity of a teenaged girl. And I in turn told my daughter stories of my own youthful vanity. It was a mother-daughter moment we hadn't been able to experience to that point due to our differences. And it was a turning point in my relationship with my adult daughter. About this song; Lyrics and Such: ▼ |
| - Feb. 2, 2022 The Great Below by Nine Inch Nails 2021 saw many bad days for me, as it did for lots of others. Financial problems, ongoing health problems, and being unable to work due to those health issues added to my mental health issues. My oldest moved back out of the house in the middle of the year, leaving that gap in my heart wide open again. I had to get over that empty nest syndrome all over again. There were many days of crippling depression, days of not wanting to be alive, days of feeling alienated from my family and friends, and so, so many days of pain. With nothing to do, I had nothing to inspire me to live. Music became my best friend when my husband was at work. I could judge which way my mental health was headed by reviewing my playlists. On manic days, the songs I chose were always upbeat and happy, some annoyingly so, or aggressive and angry. On those days that the depression overtook me (and still overtakes me), sad tunes filled my playlist. There's one song in particular that is recurring on those days of darkness. I would wake with Trent Reznor's voice singing this song on those days and it would be on virtual repeat in my head for the rest of the day. It calls to me on those darkened days, pulls me in. I have dreams of drowning myself, of "descending from grace in arms of undertow." Who is the "you" referred to in the song? And the "she"? They are parts of the "ME" I once was (and still see from time to time). Luckily, not all days are that bad - or I wouldn't be here blogging about it. And happy days are just a song away. The Great Below" lyrics ▼ |
Day 1 Before we begin on this month-long musical journey, let me just tell you, my musical tastes are as all over the place as my mind is. You're likely to get country one day and death metal the next, followed by some soothing classical. I don't choose the soundtrack, it chooses me. And there's inevitably always a song playing through my head when I wake each morning. I do tend more toward classic rock, classic country, and rock from the '80's and '90's but I'm not picky where my music is concerned. If it moves me, I'll listen to it. Oh yeah! I like a bit of comedy thrown in sometimes, like today's tasty treat... Backstory: While I was growing up, Mother Dearest taught English and History. Imagine coming home from school just to be corrected on everything you say or write. Yes. My mom proofread all of my homework. I couldn't turn in anything that was half-assed in most of my studies (math and science the only deviations). She was also my actual teacher for a couple of years while I was in high school. But you know what it did for me? It gave me the education I needed to excel in college/university. And the years of proper English being pounded into my head (not literally, of course) have left their permanent mark on me. Facebook posts and memes are like nails dragged down a chalkboard or an itch that can't be scratched. That's why I seldom log in to Facebook and I don't even do the Instagram or the Twitter things. Now, if I don't use a word properly or don't capitalize letters, it's done on purpose. But, back to the song and away from the rant... Weird Al has been cool to me since the 1980's. (Think about the song "Fat" which was a parody of Michael Jackson's "Bad") In some of his songs, he brings up topics that would otherwise be taboo, but he does it in a comedic way that isn't too offensive. (Well, I'm seldom offended, but he's still on the scene so he can't be too offensive). This particular song, "Word Crimes", takes a fun look at the huge increase in improper English that has blossomed since the invention of social media. I love the song, but you can be the judge of how you feel about it for yourselves. |
| "Journalistic Intentions" 2/1/22 Prompt from Grab Bag - "That's a man's answer!" Poking the Bear “That’s a man’s answer,” she says out of the blue while they are watching television one night. “What?” he asks, confused. “That’s what she said.” “What the hell are you talking about?!” His irritation begins to echo in his voice. “You know…” “No, I don’t know!” “Yeah, you do.” “You are such a weirdo!” “Takes one to know one!” “Come on babe, grow up.” “Nope. I don’t have to.” Mimicking him, she says in her best man voice, “I do what I want when I want!” “Don’t start using my words against me. You’re being an ass.” “Everyone’s got one.” “This is how arguments start. You’re being annoying.” “I know, I know. ‘Don’t piss you off,’ right? Lighten up. I’m just messing with you.” “What you’re doing is poking the bear. This is going nowhere!” he says as he turns up the volume on the TV. “Whatever. And THIS is poking the bear.” She keeps teasing as she pokes him in the side. The look on his face changes to one of anger and she knows she’s gone too far. “Alright,” she says. “You win.” She moves to sit in the recliner across the room and sighs resignedly. He grabs another beer while she picks up her laptop and they finish the night in their own separate worlds, just feet apart. |
| It's been a while. Six days according to the "Update your blog" message I got today. The ole' noggin's been all over the place lately. Not an excuse, just fact. It was all I could do to make sure I got all my entries for "Invalid Item" 's Blame it on My Muse mini challenge - and even some of those were late. I guess my muses didn't wanna play along. As my youngest daughter used to say when she was little when she couldn't answer something, "Come back later, my brain is on vacation in Hawaii." Well, I doubt mine is vacationing in Hawaii. In a black hole more likely. My emotions (or lack thereof) lately could definitely attest to that. I have been so spacey! I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it, get lost on roads I've driven for years. And I've accidentally deleted pages of writing, losing it all and causing me to have to start all over again. Yeah, I'm a mess. And while my mind is all over the place, my emotions have been near non-existent. "Not a good sign" as my shrink told me Friday, right before he doubled my meds. Yesterday was my first day on the new dosage. The added chemicals didn't do anything for me being a mess though. Not yet anyway. I bet my coworkers would get me a space helmet for my birthday in a couple of weeks if they thought about it, since my head has been above the clouds so much recently. But yesterday was a doozy of a day! I forgot what I was doing and thinking mid-sentence as I was helping a customer. Luckily, the customer is a regular and knows I'm not always so scatterbrained. Maybe they thought I was getting sick; it seems to be a trend around town lately - and not a good one. But, hey! I live sick and all the drugs they have me on should help keep the weaker bugs at bay. Shouldn't they? Anyway, back to yesterday's disaster. I recovered from my blank out and the evening wore on. It was business as usual with a handful of space outs until we closed. I had gotten through it and after emptying the mop bucket (yeah, some of us have to do menial labor) I could clock out, set the alarm, and go home. Assuming I had made it through the night apparently proved to be my downfall. As I am dumping the dirty mop water into the drain, it slipped off the lip of the sink and dumped all over the floor of the back room and my shoes and pants from the knees down were soaked. UGH!! Then I had to spend however much longer it took for me to sop up all the spilled water from the floor in the back room. I'm sure the surveillance video caught me back there talking to and cussing at myself for the mess. I was back there for so long though that my coworker began to worry. She said she called for me but couldn't get me to respond - I didn't hear her. She was on her way to the back room when I came walking up to the front. I saw her sigh a huge sigh of relief. She said, "Thank God! I thought you'd had a seizure!" - Well, to be fair, usually when I get so spacey it is a sigh that a seizure is more likely to happen. It's sweet to know that she was worried. But the mess put us getting out of there almost thirty minutes later than normal. My oldest, who worked at the same store before she moved a few hours away, said stuff like that happens to everybody there. So does stuff like things being knocked off the shelves when no one is there to have knocked them down. She insists that the store has some sort of spirits or shadow people there playing tricks on the employees. I don't know. But I have seen some strange things since I started working there - and the CCTV has caught some craziness too. I'd like to blame my night on some shadow people, but I'll shoulder the blame for my wacky night. It was just par for my course lately anyway. |
Day 3364: January 24, 2022 Prompt: What is your favorite activity on a Brumous Day? Means foggy or wintry. My favorite thing to do on a brumous day (like today is where I am, actually) is put on some soft classical music, snuggle under a blanket, and settle down to read a good book or work on a book of puzzles. I enjoy sudoku and crosswords, but I'm not overly picky honestly. I also get in the mood to play mahjong or solitaire (the actual game, not on a device). I prefer those wintry days to be quiet and relaxing. Maybe sip a nice cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows or a cup of steaming hot tea. Growing up, I would sit in front of the fireplace to read or play my games. While I no longer live in a house with a fireplace, I do still sit near a heat source. I suppose old habits really do die hard, but why change what works, right?! LIFE PONDERINGS I was sitting here thinking to myself, as I'm ofttimes do, and it struck me - probably not or the first time: It's cheaper to buy junk food than it is to buy food that is good for you. Why is that? Does whoever's in charge want the population to be unhealthy and addicted to all the chemicals that are put into processed foods? Is it the food and medical industries working together to ensure that both are guaranteed to continue making money off the public? Maybe it just happened of its own volition and there was no underlying agenda by some huge conglomerate or government entity. I don't know and I suppose it really doesn't matter. What matters to me is that I cannot afford to eat as healthy as I'd like to, so I am forced to buy fewer healthy items and supplement them with the cheaper processed food. It gets a girl to thinking of turning her entire back yard into a vegetable garden come spring. I doubt I will tough. I like my flowers after all.      |
| Have you ever had One Of Those Days? You know the kind I'm talking about. The ones where you know from the moment you wake that the day is going to be working against you. Today is that kind of day for me. But it began much earlier than daylight. It began in the wee hours of the morn, before a lot of the youngsters are ending their previous day. I awoke to a whining, and a horrible smell. Nixon pup was nudging me with his nose trying to wake me, I can only assume so he could go outside. The store's been out of his usual food, so we had to buy a replacement - and it seems that the new food does not agree with the delicate digestive tract of a 100 lb. German Shepherd. Because of his tummy issues, he woke me many times through the night; some of those times by the smell alone. So, I got out of bed the last time grumpier than normal; a girl's got to have her sleep after all. I walked out of my bedroom to a house that looked like a war zone. Then I vaguely remembered the cats coming inside during one of the dog's frequent potty breaks. Psycho kitty had been at it again. He has this thing about knocking off pretty much anything from anywhere above floor level. I ushered the fur brats out to the back yard so I could have a bit of quiet time and eat my morning toast. The darned toast of course had to pop up from the toaster burnt and as stiff as a crouton. But I ate my burnt toast (no reason to waste food) to the tune of a dog whimpering at my back door, crying to come back inside. I had no sooner let the mutt in and he had laid down when he farted so loudly it startled him enough to make him jump up and look around. And the noxious gas creeped around the living room and gagged me.  Yup. It's gonna be One Of Those Days.  Cirque de la Vie had come home for a visit.           |
| When I was pregnant with my first child, my mom tried to help me with advice on how to stop the morning sickness and a multitude of other topics concerning what a pregnant woman has to endure. I didn't listen to her. I've always had to do things on my own, find things out for myself. Looking back on it, I probably should have taken her advice. I mean, I did with the second one - but only because I had learned the hard way on the first go-round. I was so sick while I was pregnant with my first girl. I also had problems during the pregnancy that had forced me to take a break from working for the last couple of months of my term. One of the many suggestions my mom had given me was to take it easy, and of course I didn't. So I was forced to do so there at the end and my mom held back from telling me, "I told you so." My baby girl came out perfect even though I hadn't taken care of myself. Momma warned me about post-partum depression. I waved it off. How could I become depressed when I had such a perfect, beautiful baby? But I did. It hit me hard and all I wanted was for my life to end. I knew my parents would take excellent care of my girl. I mean, hey, they raised me and I was alright. When, with the help of medications, I came back to myself, I relied on my mom for advice. All those things I didn't want to listen to while I was growing up, anything I was unsure of when it came to the baby - I called her. I still call her when I need someone's advice on something. Somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing her as "my bitchy mom" and started seeing her as my friend as well as my mom. Now, the time has come that my baby girl is grown and expecting a baby of her own. And like me, that headstrong girl who wouldn't listen to anything I said while she was growing up has begun to seek my advice. Will she ever see me as a friend? That's for her to decide. It's enough for me right now to know that she values my opinions and experiences and seeks my advice instead of running from it. |
| I've ranted before ( "Jan. 9, 2022 - How Rude" ) about how cell phones seem to be taking over our world and making people less social face to face, dumbing down our society. It was more fully confirmed to me today while I sat for five hours in the emergency room. Everyone had cell phones in their hands. One little girl, probably under 10, threw an all-out tantrum when her phone battery ran out and the chargers at the hospital weren't working. Oh my goodness! It was so bad there ... a baby would fuss and their parent would just turn on a show on their cell phone and stick it in the kid's face. One even then complained about how hard it is to be a parent! Ha ha! Shoving cell phones and junk food in your kid's face when they get fussy isn't parenting! And people wonder why our society is getting dumber, why their kids have attention issues! A cell phone or any other electronic device is not a substitute for being there for your kid and dealing with the issues at hand. Put your phones down and spend some quality time with your kids! I swear! If I hadn't already been feeling poorly when I went to the ER, seeing that would have been enough to get my blood pressure up there! As for why I was at the emergency room to begin with, blood has been seeping from my ear for the last couple of days and being on blood thinners, it is crucial for me to seek medical assistance in such times. It was a good thing I did too. My INR (pretty much how long it takes my blood to clot) was over double the safe level. When they saw the test results, the medical staff seeing to me flipped out. It's been up there before so I didn't see the issue - other than the bleeding from my ear of course. But, after giving me a healthy dose of vitamin K and contacting my hematologist, they finally sent me on my way. I'm sure the bill for that "little" visit is going to be exorbitant. The vitamin K itself is probably an outrageous amount. But hey! I'm fine. And I'll live to rant another day. |
| Growing up in the country was great. I had the run of both my parents' property and that of their neighbors; hundreds of acres in all. Hiking through the woods, swimming in the creeks, fishing in the stock ponds - there was always so much for me to do and I was seldom inside. Even on the nasty days of rain or snow I would be out of the house, exploring one of the old barns or just chilling with the animals in those barns suitable to still be in use. I loved being out, being around the animals, helping out my dad (or getting in his way, depending on how one looks at things). I was such a Daddy's girl! He taught me how to care for the animals, feed the orphaned babies, that sort of thing. But one of the "at home" memories I will always cherish is how my dad would start up his old Izuzu Pup and grab the spotlight and tell me to hop in. Those times were such fun! We would drive through the pastures and swipe the spotlight around looking for critters. We were hunting skunks because our place was overrun with them, and they were killing our chickens. We didn't need guns. You don't always have to have a gun when you're hunting. All we needed was a spotlight and Daddy's trusty little truck. Most times, I would sweep the field with the spotlight and Daddy would run over any skunks we came across. Yeah, it was a smelly business, but it was so fun, and it was something that I got to share with my dad that no one else did. It's also where I learned to drive a stick shift. I suppose Daddy figured that out in the pasture I'd be less likely to wreck the truck or hit anyone else's vehicle. But, while I never wrecked the truck out in those pastures, I did manage to wreck our dirt bike out there. Yet another adventure of a kid with ample opportunity to get into mischief. |
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You're so right, they are definitely perceptive. They know when you need extra attention, and they know when to keep an eye out for you. They are definitely a blessing from God.
