a blog that could go about anywhere inside my little world or out into the great beyond
This blog celebrates the twists and turns of my life. It could go into my past, the things I'm learning in my present or even my hopes for the future. |
Currently live in a three-bedroom house I am purchasing with my friend, Terry and her son David, in Michigan. . Life is turbulent as we just moved here and the house needs a lot of work.
I was going to change this blog completely and not do my personal life again. I think that would be a disservice to those who have been reading so far.
I look forward to taking this journey with you.
|How do you describe this song? At first I didn't like it to be honest. It reminded me of a opera concert. Then I saw "Wayne's World" and the sight of them head banging to this song made me laugh my head off. I first heard the song because my brother was obsessed with Queen growing up. He was always playing their music. Queen and The Doobie Brothers.
I had a few of them growing up I suppose, but I don't remember any of them really.
My sister had this huge one that sat in a chair in our room. I forget what she called it. I called it "Candy", the same thing I called her boyfriend that won it for her. He always gave me a piece of Candy when he came to the house.
What I had was a stuffed mouse I called Mousey. I got him for Christmas when I was six and he is still with me today. I told him all my secrets over the years. The stories he could tell if he could only talk. He probably seen a lot of things over the years too. Mousey was my baby doll when I played house. I took him everywhere throughout the house and backyard. That's all my Mom would let me take him, even when I first got him. I love him for all he is to me.
Don't do today what you can put off until next week..... Story of my life. I suffer from terminal laziness so the procrastination goes hand in hand. I don't want to get up and do it so naturally I don't. I struggle with this junk every day. Even in my writing. Sometimes I don't write because I can't readily reach my tablet or pen and notebook without at least stretching. I've lost some good ideas because I didn't want to reach for something to record it.
So what do you do about procrastination? For me it is remembering stuff that I have lost because of it. I have lost momentum in my writing because I didn't want to do it and decided to take one day off....which grew into two...three...a week......
Schedules help. I have to go to appointments so I schedule other things to do while I'm up and about. I have a backpack that has much of my current writing in it as well as the current books I'm reading that I try to keep near me. Those pesky little gems of inspiration that come out of the blue are caught by constantly keeping a pen and paper within reach. It takes a lot of planning ahead really. I am scheduling a time every day too write during October and November. I also plan on recharge time. I will schedule days off while I'm writing and keep up my journal and my blog when I go on my sabbatical that I have planned for December. (I'm not going anywhere or anything like that. I just have it planned to take it easy and not be as hard on myself for not writing).
Okay, well, I'm tired now. I'm going to go lay down before I clean the bird cage, which can probably wait until tomorrow anyways.... Or for Sunday..... I usually clean them on Sundays....except last Sunday.... I forgot about them last Sunday because I put away laundry instead.... I had to put away the laundry because it was blocking the bed... Yes, bed. Lay down. Now that is something I never procrastinate on lol.
| All those beautiful flaws that make us who we are. A trauma filled life growing up produces many of them. Believing that there is only darkness and pain in this world and that you yourself are the worst part of it. Low self-esteem. Physical and/or mental scars.
Some of them are downright ugly though. Thinking the world owes them something. Closed-mindedness makes my temperature rise. Prejudice is another. Thinking that their way is the only way and of course that their way is perfect. Thinking that anything is perfect..
I don't know. There are so many things that can be seen as flaws but are really just aspects of character. Sure, most of those aspects make you an ............. but we won't comment on that. Just know that we see you and know who you are.
Met my Peer Support today. Sally is great. We have so much in common. It is no wonder that Cathy couldn't wait for us to meet. We went for coffee and then to the free store. while getting to know each other. She is talkative I can say that much. She says she could tell I was shy..... imagine that. I was going to but then didn't tell her that I was a witch. She didn't mention religion though. Gives us something to talk about next week. She was going to call me when she got back to the office but I guess she got sidetracked. Seems like she is easily. It was a good day.
Well, I have been in love with Don Diego de La Vega (better known as Zorro) for as long as I can remember. I took Spanish in High School because of him..... I just wanted him to come sweep me up on his horse and take me away from my boring life to one of adventure in Mexico.....
Of course, at one time I was in love with Optimus Prime too. I wanted him to pick me up then transform into a truck where I would end up in the cab. We would ride off together to fight the Decepticons and squash evil doers wherever they may be.
I had many other fantasies, mostly about fictional characters. I wanted to be a lot of the males. I thought females were too prissy and even the fictional ones had to follow "the rules". I wanted to have messy hair (which I usually did) and wear baggy clothes with my figure hid under Levi jackets.
I've made up more fictional characters than I can remember. Usually they started out as someone else's character but I would change them so much you would hardly recognize them. Sort of like fan fiction.
Then there are the ones that were purely my own creation. Oh how I love my creations. Each one an individual and yet with enough of me in them that you would recognize them as being related.
The only thing about fiction is that sooner or later you have to come back to reality. I hate reality. I consider it a harsh cruel place where no magic, imagination, creativity or anything supernatural can exist. It is cold and painful. It is almost so bad that any one who believes in these things should be burned at the stake......
Okay I was getting on a rant there. Truth lies somewhere in between reality and hope. I move more toward the hope side every day.
Merry Meet and Blessed Be
then Merry Meet again!
|There isn't much season change around here that I've seen. I seem to be surrounded mostly by pine trees.
I normally like the Autumn, or Fall, as I prefer it. Falling leaves, falling temperatures, ... it fits. That and to me it is just the most magickal time of year, and not just because of Halloween. The wind seems to howl or whisper, the trees seem to moan and sing, the wonderful smells coming up from the crushed leaves underfoot ..... everyone is baking and canning and preserving for winter stock. The wonderful Fall harvest feasts. Everything is plentiful just in time to make ready for the long winter months ahead. It is definitely my favorite time of the year.
Started another story that I'm going to try to run with for OctoberPrep and NaNoWriMo. Its going so far so good, though I'm not sure of the Antagonist. All of my stories seem to have this vague ethereal antagonist that has a lot to do with the supernatural and my characters' pasts. I guess I need to do more cookie cutter stories with clear protagonists and antagonists and plots and themes and .... ow brain hurts....stop conforming.....
My favorite part of Autumn is the changing colors. It is like nature itself throws a celebration of the year before it. I think Autumn is underrated. It is a time to start getting warm with sweaters and sweatshirts and curling up in a blanket in front of the fire with a mug of hot apple cider.
I went to the Walk-A-Mile-In-My-Shoes Rally in Lansing on Wednesday. I was gone all day and bored as heck. I couldn't get myself to do anything. My mind was just saying no to everything.
Today was my last meeting with my case manager, Scott. It was a melancholy sort of feeling. Scott has been with me since I got back here.
Today was also the last day of Pottery. I'm not happy with it. One of the other clients took one of my pieces I had made for a gift...Oh well. I'll find something else for her. I hope they send my things to CMH. Of course, the last time they did that I didn't get half of it. I was mad that I didn't get any of the pieces I had finished before.
Came home to Terry wanting me to help do major cleaning of the house. I was hurting like heck and tired as nobody's business. All I wanted to do was come home and go to bed. Of course I couldn't do that. Between her wanting me to help clean and her wanting me to take care of the dogs I got PO'ed. I lashed out. She still wouldn't let me do what I wanted.
This is the things you have to put up with when you live with other people.
|Cats are the main animal that are paired with witches as familiars. They have a mystical air about them that few other animals have.. Black cats have been considered to have evil powers and it is bad luck to have one cross your path. Personally I think that if a black cat crosses your path it is an indication that the animal is going somewhere. Although the black cats are considered the most mystical, many witches have familiars of other colors and combinations of colors.
Cats are independent and seem to have an attitude. I think the truth is that they are highly intelligent, not to mention intuitive,and know what they desire to have or do. To be chosen by a cat is a great honor and should be treasured as a symbiotic relationship.
Back to my life.
I finally went to the bathroom today and have felt better than I have in three days.
Unfortunately it did not last. I got told by Terry that I had to stop running off to my room and take care of my dog. I was pissed all afternoon and curled up in a ball in my chair and pretended to sleep/sulked/avoided the situation. Terry knew I wasn't happy but didn't really say too much about it.
My room is my sanctuary. It is where I meditate, write, do homework, create, dream, imagine.
I did do some writing on a Christmas story today as I was able to slink over to the dining room table at least. I don't think it was as quality of work as I do in my bedroom in the silence instead of the TV blaring reruns of Hallmark movies.
I don't know. This week is going to be so busy starting tomorrow I will barely be able to keep my head straight. I'm liable to get very irritable. I guess I'm going to use a cope ahead skill as well as a few others if I'm going to make it through.
Wish me luck.
|The world would indeed be a much different place if it wasn't for the painful, chaotic happening of 9/11. It would still be easier to get through the airport, especially customs. There would be less security at borders. ....
I live in Michigan where there are many places to cross into Canada. You used to be able to go through Canada, or even visit for the day, with just an ID. Now you need a passport and several other pieces of Identification to just visit for a few hours.
Every year in Port Huron we have what we call the float down. People take rafts and inner tubes and literally just float down the St. Clair river for a few miles. A few years ago, the current caught several "floaters" and they drifted across the river to Canada. They were plucked out of the water and, because most of them had no identification on them, were held for two days in Customs while it was sorted out who they were and that they did not purposely enter Canada for mischievious purposes.
On a different note...
I had a severe bought of constipation the past three days. So bad I could barely sit up, let alone stand or walk. It felt like I was trying to give birth from the wrong end.....but this was worse pain than the two pregnancies I experienced. I was so weak and shaky I could barely do my goals or daily activities. Needless to say the kitchen hasn't been cleaned and neither has my bedroom.
Today things finally broke through and all I have now is the putt-puttts when I walk......
Just thought I would share. After all it was something that affected my life greatly.
Hides in Hole
Lots of Noise Heard
Afraid of the Large House Cat
"Fuzzy Little Friend of Mine"
|Human kindness seems to be in short supply these days.....
A case in point: I was sitting on my walker waiting for a bus. Mind you, my walker was half in the grass. This guy goes by on a bike and as he passes me he says "Take up the whole sidewalk why don't you". I thought to myself "at least you still have the capability of riding a bike. I hope you get in the way of a car and someone yells at you". That was two days ago and it still irks me....
My book I was reading on my spirituality tells me to mind stuff like that. What you put out in the world comes back to you three-fold, even if it's as small as thinking that someone should go f%&* themselves. You should instead wish them guidance to a better attitude themself and thank the Higher Powers that you have grown past such pettiness.
So much in my life is waiting on other people right now and I can't shake this feeling that it is all going to come to fruition at once. Some of it won't matter much, like getting the kitchen floor finished so we can turn the gas back on and have hot water and be able to dry clothes (though it would make things easier). I know that DBT starts on the 27th and will go on for every Wednesday for the next year (which means I'm going to have to haul my cookies down to CMH every week during the winter and everyone keeps saying we're in for a bad one). I'm still waiting on people to show interest in the Writing Group I want to start at Clubhouse and I'm hoping that they'll be okay with having that on Tuesdays after the House Meeting. I definitely won't be able to do it on Wednesdays at any rate.
I don't know. It doesn't really sound like much. Then again I will also have appointments with my peer support and my Therapist and Psychiatrist, not to mention Doctor's appointments....I'm looking at a very busy life coming up. I hope they don't expect me to do a lot around the house here. I'm just going to be too exhausted....
Oh yes there are other things too. I hope to do OctoberPrep and NaNo. I really need to get back to serious writing and I'm hoping that will help... I have no idea what I am going to work on for it though....I may start a whole new story. Though I should work on the ones I already have a few scattered notes on......
Tomorrow will be a good day for writing. I would clean up the kitchen but with no hot water that won't be easy. Sunday all I have to do is clean the birds and sweep my room so that won't take long. Yes, I'm going to plan on getting some writing done this weekend.......
| Lately a few things seem out of my reach or beyond my capabilities; or i just have a reluctance to do them for myself. I try to extort help from others. However, I am no leader when it comes to these things. Maybe I could come up with a campaign or at least a slogan to get people to cooperate. After all I am good at writing fiction.
Now having that out of the way.....
I really am not getting help in areas that I need it, like taking care of Bingo and getting transportation to places. OF course, I haven't been outright asking for help either. Rather I just express my feelings of throwing my hands up because I am not making any progress.
Today I decided to mostly play sick because I didn't want to do anything, especially not go to my appointment with my case manager. Mostly play sick as I was feeling ill due to the fact that I haven't pooped in about five days and it feels like I am sitting on a baseball today. I refused to eat anything solid after the bowl of cereal in the morning almost came back to haunt me.
(sorry for the graphic physical symptoms but this is what I had to deal with today)
Needless to say I slept away the day.....
I don't know what to do about Bingo. He is becoming destructive and won't listen to anyone (except maybe Terry). He spent today in his kennel because he peed on Terry's chair. I just don't know if he's got the smarts to realize that. He pulled his food mat into the kennel and destroyed it while he was in there, and may it be forbidden that he get a hold of any more plastic bags.
Prince is also acting out a bit, starting to whine and growl and nip at people, but he is easily corrected. We think he is still trying to find his place in the house with Bingo here now.
I hope next week goes better. I've got an event I'm going to all day Wednesday and two appointments on Thursday. Let's hope I survive and don't have to cancel one or the other because I really want to go.
Merry Meet and Blessed Be
then Merry Meet again!
|I think handwritten notes are good for any occasion. I still have my invitation, souvenir, and thank you note from my cousins wedding. I was going to make a scrapbook but I never got around to it.
You should send out handwritten notes for every occasion. You might just end up having your own page in someone's memories......
Right now if I was to make a scrapbook it would be a sad one. Many of my cousins and other relatives have passed on so I have their announcements and such. I made a shadow box of my Dad's things from his funeral.
I can't seem to get creative lately. I keep blaming it on not having enough room but I think it is something more than that. Terry keeps telling me I should come up with creative ways to organize my room. I just keep getting frustrated with it.
I think I mentioned that Clubhouse is putting together a calendar and asking for art for it. I'm thinking of trying to do some art for one or two of my poems. It would be very ameruteish but I don't think they are looking for Picasso. I don't know. Maybe I'll just submit poems to go with someone else's art.
Merry Meet and Blessed Be
then Merry Meet again!