by Dr Gonzo
This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters.
|Things are now beginning to settle into a new norm. I'm not sure if this is the end of the honeymoon or I'm just having a down couple of days, but I don't feel as enthusiastic as I was last week.
Training is still going well and I can feel my strength building...even seeing my shoulders in the mirror becoming more defined is a good feeling and shows the results of my efforts...but still, something is niggling.
I am due for a break from caring, but with international travel opening up within a few months, I would rather hold off taking a break now and wait until I can get on a plane and go O/S. Thailand again. Chang Mai or somewhere up north...or maybe I'll go back to Phuket Island which is such an idyllic place to stay.
I've been having drug dreams...last night I was at a party and everyone was high on MDMA...they all looked so happy and were all touchy-feely with each other. I felt really left out and sad that I wasn't involved and if someone had offered me a pill, I have no doubt I would have taken it. At least if I had, it wouldn't have cost me anything and no come-down to deal with, but no one did...and I guess that's how it has to be. Funny how meth was my poison, and yet, I dream about taking Ecstasy.
Today is my double day...weights soon and then on the bike...I can feel the difference it's making in my fitness and my general health. I won't let a dream shroud the reality of what could happen if I let my guard down 'just this once' and take drugs 'for old times sake'...addiction is raising its ugly head to test and see if I am ready to fall back into its clutches.
"No addiction, not today. But thanks for reminding me you're still there."