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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| My Tuesday night group meeting went well...Vicki was back and I like the way she facilitates...very organised and has the know-how to get to the heart of things without touching raw nerves...a gift I think. We all learn things about each other in groups, as well as learning about ourselves, and that's what draws me to these types of meetings. I like that there is encouragement and recognition in the things we share...and with each meeting, I feel my confidence rising. Tonight, there were three of us and Vicki...Alex who I met at my first meeting, Josh who has been before, but who I met for the first time tonight, and five minutes after we began, in walked Jonh the Irishman from last week. Honestly, I was dreading him coming again...not because he is bad or causes any interruptions...it just doesn't feel right to me that an intoxicated person should be at a meeting where people are trying to better themselves. I spoke to Vicki about John being intoxicated the week before, and she explained that depending on the level of intoxication, everyone deserves a chance, and she told me that although John is only there because he is ordered to be, doesn't mean he should not get the same opportunities as I do...and I saw her point. And I have to admit that perhaps there is resentment there for me...after all, he is able to continue to use his poison, but I am not. In any case...last week he asked for a lift home and I agreed...we spoke along the way and by that stage, I had gotten over my little hissy fit and even though I still believe showing up to a meeting drunk is not good form, I thought of him more as another human being rather than some drunkard who I didn't want to know. So tonight he came over and sat down in the chair nearest mine and immediately asked if I could give him a lift home, and I agreed...he then let the group do our thing. He was asked by Vicki a few times if he wanted to join in, but he politely declined. There was a marked difference from the week before and I could see he wasn't intoxicated at all...in fact, on our way home, he was quite chuffed to tell me in his Irish accent that he hadn't had a drink in three days. I must admit, a strange feeling came over me when I heard this...pride...mixed with regret. I don't know John or what he has been through...and once again, I had judged someone before I knew anything about them. Humble pie is an acquired taste, but one I am becoming quite used to, and even though it does have a slight after-taste of guilt, I know how healthy that is for me and so, I ate every last crumb. Next week, I'm picking John up on my way and we are going to the meeting together...two strangers who have different problems...who are different in so many ways and yet, we also have something in common. Our demons don't care who we are or what poison we choose to put in our bodies, and the reality is, alone, we are nowhere near as strong as we are together. I like to think he responded to a kind act in the way he respected the group tonight, and I responded to that show of respect with more determination than I have ever felt before. John might be just the man I need to bring me back down to earth, and show me that no matter what we do on any given day, we all deserve a chance at winning this battle. |
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