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Happy birthday       if I was handier with Writing ML I'd make something fancy  as it is , hope you have a lovely day  |
| Life Update: These past few months, I’ve been trying to find medication that works for my severe depression, panic disorder, and OCD dark intrusive, obsessive and anxious thoughts. I was in a really really bad place for the past few months— I really didn’t think I was going to make it out alive— I truly believed I would commit suicide before I reach my 26th birthday in August. I still struggle with those thoughts, honestly. I still struggle with wishing I didn’t exist. BUT thankfully, within these past few days, my psychiatrist and I have found a medication combo that has been working for me! I actually have motivation to go down to the gym and work out every day, I’m becoming a better friend to my best friend. I’ve been getting out of the house more, despite absolutely hating with a passion the obese, fat slob I see in the mirror and am really really trying to make thinner through exercise. (Before, I literally left my house maybe 6 times a year for the past 3 years because my self esteem and anxiety has been so bad). I’m finally sleeping more than 2 hours a night, too! AND my anxiety has been under control enough to allow me to start learning how to drive! I have a few physical health issues I need to take care of and see specialists about, but hopefully those won’t need serious surgical fixes, so that I can find the right job and start working again and getting my life back on track! I’m seriously feeling more hopeful than I’ve felt in 4-5 years now— I forgot what having hope FELT LIKE. And I’m just so thankful to finally find medications that work for my mental health so that I can function like this again 😭😭😭 I’m in tears at how blessed I feel right now. Thank you, Jesus for this blessing!   Sorry for the novel— I don’t know if anyone actually cares about this stuff going on in my life, but I figured that I’d update y’all anyways. If anyone even reads this…. Idk. Maybe nobody cares and I shouldn’t be posting this. Idk, but I guess I just will anyways since it’s all typed out 😅 So…. Yeah…. Anyone who cares & reads to this point— thank you! I appreciate you  |
| Yay! It is always good to hear when people find the right combo for them. I am so glad you are digging out of that dark place. I am sure it isn't as hard to keep on going now that you can see the light on the horizon. |
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Congratulations! I'm so sad you went through such a terrible time, but I'm definitely happy that you've found a medication combination that is helping! Congratulations!  Keep up the great work!  |
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 You are back on track and things will get – dare I say it? – more better!  Improved sleep will continue to make a difference for you, too. I'm so happy you're back, and that you're comfortable enough here to share your story. I hope you'll always remember you are numero uno, chica! |
Reply| I've added a new poem to my portfolio. It's about the end of my fifteen-year-long friendship, and being abruptly betrayed and abandoned by someone that I had once called a 'sister.' We became best friends when we were seven years old; we became strangers at twenty-two years old. It's been three years since then, and I can still feel the hole in my chest. I spend a lot of time crying in my bathtub, alone, wondering how something that I thought was so valuable, could've just been thrown away like nothing, in the blink of an eye. Anyways, if you can relate— I am so so sorry. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.
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| My best friend decided after 31 years that our friendship was not worth it. I married his wife's cousin... and when they split, I was abused for not telling him, although we were left out of the loop. Then life started downhill for me, and he dumped me. So... I do know how you feel in my own weird way... |
s  Im so so sorry that you know this pain. You didn’t deserve to be discarded like that. I know how hard it is because on one hand, you want to be like, “well screw them, anyways! If that’s how they’re going to be, then I’m better off without them!” but on the other, you just can’t help but feel empty without them. You’re grieving the loss of somebody who is still alive, but only dead to you. It’s hard for outsiders to understand just how painful that is. It’s not a wound that heals quickly. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thank you for making me feel less alone, and commenting with your own experience— I hate that you’ve experienced this, too. You aren’t disposable. You matter. It’s a character flaw on their end if they have the ability to drop you like they did— it’s not a reflection of your worth. |
DestinyAwaitsDarling   - most of my friends have fallen by the wayside, but that one hurt most because I had always supported him and when I needed help he ghosted me. That was 10 years ago. I even sent him a cool 50th birthday gift and card. I was told he gave the gift away. But, let's be honest... I have no friends IRL. All my friends exist online, but I don't really know them... Alone is standard. |
| Hello, lovely people! I have added a new writing to my portfolio! This one was inspired by my last hospital stay, and how difficult it was to get anybody to hear me. Especially because of my young age, and the fact that I'm a woman, most doctors I've encountered tend to just 'brush me off'— no matter how many times I try to tell them that I can FEEL that something is wrong. I honestly, and truly believe that if it weren't for my mom refusing to leave my side every time I'm in the ER, or have been admitted 'overnight' (it's ALWAYS longer bc I'm so prone to 'complications'), I may not have survived many of my previous stays. So, that concludes in the simplest terms, the feelings behind my words, in this poem. If you feel you can relate in any way, please let me know! It's hard to find people who understand 'the struggle.'
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| I know I’m not really alone— I have a few messages to answer on here, and I can read back kind responses & messages I’ve gotten in the past… and those ARE good enough… but damn… sometimes, I really miss having a friend whose arms I can safely cry in… |
| This is true. What I know about you is what you choose to share. A friend who knows you would know your needs. There are times the only thing that works is a real hug, not a virtual one. I hope someone drops into your life ready to be a friend. One can be lonely in a crowded room. ((((hugs)))) 🌷🌞😎🌈.⭐️🎈✔️🎵 |
| Good 'morning' (it's 2am here, in Texas), lovelies! I have added a new writing to my portfolio.  It is about intrusive thoughts, and my daily struggle with them. If any of you can relate, and are comfortable sharing that with me, please feel free to message me! I'm kind-of behind on my messages right now, but don't let that stop you from reaching out! I WILL respond, at some point! I'm just trying to get my s*** together  . On the other side of the spectrum, though— if you still don't quite understand what 'intrusive thoughts' are, even after reading my poem— and you wish to learn more about them— please, also feel free to message me! We don't know what we don't know; there is no shame in that! I promise.
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