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Please follow an 18+ rating.*
So who needs an extra ten thousand GP?

15,000 words with a base auto reward of 5000 GP. Please make it clear that you have read it so that I can award the other five thousand... LOL.

This goes to the first five takers. So act now.

Scathing reviews are welcome, so long as there is a reason why.

Also, interested parties MUST query as this is accessible by passcode only.

Yes, it's locked so either Email, IM or leave a note on this note.



This is my "More Machine than Human

Quick warning: the story is set in a neo-feudal mess of a dystopia. Unemployment, rampant police brutality, and other social ills. It's not meant to glorify it but to highlight the fact that these ills exist in a modified form in our society. Also that's the backdrop not the story.


Edited
A...and a quick drop. Minor tweaks include clipart and author's notes that explains the plot of this poem. A love poem with no HEA. At least, not yet. *Wink*

Does anybody think this would make a good story?


 
STATIC
Search the Sea of Stars  (E)
Ships passing in endless night.
#1999763 by Joto-Kai
So I've been doing a reboot of People of Glass. It's still partial, still in her 'ordinary life.' I think it's coming along pretty well and I'm tempted to issue it as a partial.

I'm pretty well known for incompletion though, and this is a long slog..

Anyhoo an excerpt. The nature priest called Old Man Wolf addresses a little girl he raised from the dead years ago. She's now 11, and doing things at the behest of kindly spirits (against her Aunt and Uncle's wishes.)

"The Forest Mother has different laws, sweet child. You, your friends, they do not belong."

"My imaginary friends?"

"If only they were imaginary. If only they were pixies." He brushed my hair out of my eyes. "You would not be a child soldier."

"But I'm a freeman. Already training for the sword." I said. "And the work my friends do–I'm not afraid."

He knelt before me and stared deep into my eyes.

Myrrha stepped forward, but paused.

"I am. I am terrified beyond my ken. As are Mack and Myrrha, in their way." He let that sit for a moment, fiery yellow eyes tearing up. "But for you, the fear–that is the lightest weight your courage will ever have to bear."

I stood there, eye to eye with this man–who had to stoop while kneeling–and a cold place inside shook me.


Love that line, "The fear--that is the lightest weight your courage will ever have to bear." Too often it seems that fear is the greatest, or even only, test of courage... but some are different.

Anyhow, I'm thinking that this version might meander a bit less. I feel a lot of what I want to say is just not fitting in, and I think that's a good thing.
I've added a new entry to my book, "Thoughts of a Mad Man:
         "Blocked: The difference between Aims and Standards

Some thoughts on how to maintain motivation by right thinking. There may be missing steps so please if you're confused, query.

So I found a new trick for generating deeper stories.

Take a question that you don't know the answer to. E.G. If you have a problem and you just can't make yourself do the thing you need to do, do that.

Now design a person or a couple of people who typically employ the obvious answer and it's NOT working. And then make sure they have to fix this problem.

And then pants it all the way to their solution. (That's when they don't have anything stopping them or when they don't have anything more they're going to do about it.)









Thought I'd share in case I'm not the only one making this error...

Years ago my writing quality went down due to a change in taste.

Before that I was looking for the stuff that grabs you. I didn't know how to make the stuff that is subtle, and when I tried it was... incomprehensible. Because what was subtle to the writer is incoherent to the reader, who doesn't know the context.

Lately I have been weaving in stuff that the reader probably will miss but that fits. The consistently rude behavior of the minor character that is in love with her boss when the boss is in love with Scarlett. Not important, not mentioned, but it's there. The fact that the gangsters repeat a phrase that historically caused a huge problem in their history. The historical event is mentioned but not explained... just enough that an intuitive genius might get that there's something there, but you don't need it for the story.

That's the way to write stuff that makes people feel smart, add in layers that they don't need to decrypt. This is Hemingway's base of the iceberg I guess.

It's the clues they DON'T need that will send it over the top. Make sure that the key stuff is clear (still working on that) and then add the other stuff.

  •   1 comment
First attempts for tackling forms such as to make stuff that grabs and to make it subtle is still an attempt in the right direction. Maybe it didn't work then. The chance for success is higher since you have already devoted the energy to realize it. Experience gained from any attempts will undoubtedly resurface in positive ways in the future. It takes time to percolate.

*HeartB*

.
Just posted a beta read (up-to-snuff early draft) of the first scene of my Scarlett story which is more the end of her previous story.

This has action and simple goals set in a sci-fi setting. Should be fairly easy if I've been successful (so if it's NOT easy that would be something that would merit a review.)

"Melihra Project (Graduation)

I also have put several questions in a dropnote for would-be reviewers. It's public so no auto reward but I'm giving easily a thousand for any serious review (defined as one that clearly read the story). With bonuses for insight etc.

 Melihra Project (Graduation)  (13+)
Scarlett confronts a dangerous woman
#2314039 by Joto-Kai
The winter exhilarates even as the cold strips us of our life. There is a set of rules for which all but the most extreme must engage it.

So too the writing life, the majestic austerity of solitude inspires even as it isolates.

I am writing, now editing, a story in hopes of convincing my main characters that life was worth living and now I am sipping from my thermos by a dwindling fire waiting to hear if I have found paydirt.

Just let me say, pack in layers, put plenty of fuel on your fire, and keep your lifeline. Your gift is precious, and you are precious. Don't squander it out there, looking for the next big score.
  •   7 comments
Joto-Kai - Yeah. With no RL lifelines, I'm making due with the voices in my head while I pretend no one at WDC notices my "resting wish-I-was-dead face." It'll go away with my snark eventually, and I might be recognizable as buddhangela again. Hopefully I won't make everyone hate me before buddhangela returns. Maybe I should change my handle altogether...*Think*
buddhangela's Irish'N'ThenSome - Just knowing the world on which you live tells me all I need to know about the pain that brings your quills up. We're all spiritual hedgehogs. Go in peace my friend, and we'll see you when your quills settle.
Joto-Kai - Thank you for your kindness. I'm going to keep my eye out for a hedgehog image suitable for a merit badge. You'll be the first to receive it. *Heart*
Edited
I think you'll find it entertaining, if a bit long--that's why a DNF or even 3 part review would be accepted. With payment at the first third of five thousand GPS (that's about 4000 words of the 12500, or standard.) Also you can tear it to ribbons if you've any rhyme or reason for doing so, e.g what you expected or what you'd like to see. Just say something that makes me think ya read it and I'm good for the 5000 GPs auto rewarded.

It is locked in case I want to publish it for real later, but please give me a look.

I'd be willing to give a review request for additional GPS. Just read enough to tell me something.

"More Machine than Human Locked.
Hey, guys. Sorry to be so boring!

Hopefully it'll get better now that I have this zero draft finished. PUtting out a call for alpha readers. Autoreward 5000 for those who get the passcode (post here or email for access.)

This is a long, zero draft that needs first impressions and developmental insight, though whatever you wanna look at works. Even DNF (did not finish) is valid here. Not every character survives, and there are themes of self harm. Some parts may be edited well as I've dithered, but others might be utterly rough. Also, it's not properly broken up (should be 2 to 3 regular.) at 12500 words, smaller than some of my works but probably needs to change size.

On the upside it autorewards 5000 total (and I'm a GP dragon so have a budget for 'review requests' and for after-review tips) . It's under lock and key, only those who KNOW the pin will get in.






 More Machine than Human  (18+)
How can Scarlett honestly tell Caleb that he should keep going?
#2312188 by Joto-Kai
Edited
A snippet from my zero draft, "More machine than Human." "More Machine than Human which is under lock at key. 5000 autoreward for legit reviewers.


As she watches the depressed Caleb describe his deceased friend Colmey to the man's son, Scarlett has an insight. Caleb lit up, truly alive as if channeling a living spirit. He's talking to Challry.
***

"Having me speak for him, that's what's not the same." He sat beside the kid. "They're all here, and thousands more. But we're lucky, with your dad, because we know where to tune."

"How do you mean?"

"There's lots of ghosts to talk to, but really you can't. Could be anything" Caleb shrugged, and checked the bandages. "But your dad, his voice…."

A relieved smile came over the boy.

As if he had learned that Colmey had moved to another planet. That he was fine and happy and safe. The subject had a way with people; even Scarlett could learn from Caleb.

Caleb patted Challry in the knee. "He is fine and happy and safe."

Challry winced, but looked down in surprise. "How?"

"Truth for the heart, medicine for the leg." He patted Challry. "Now run along before Bigrath makes me need the same touch."

Challry nodded and ran out the door.

"That's amazing." She walked to Caleb.

"Leave me alone." He looked down, in disgust. "Colmey was my friend, and Challry's dad, and nothing…"

Scarlett touched his shoulder to encourage the distraught man.

Caleb shook her off. "Nothing can change that he died."

Scarlett sent him a reassuring blast.

He waved it away. "Even if you went back, they all die. No matter what."

Scarlett's heart filled. She had seen happiness in Caleb. Colmy wasn't dead, his ghost–his memory, at least–was real. And it was more important than what had died. Yet, she needed to be careful here. "Matter? Doesn't matter."

Caleb took a long, soothing breath. "Thank you for admitting that. I know you want me to cling to life, but when I know …" He shook his head ruefully.


As Caleb looked again at the memory of people dying, dead, never buried, the machines in Scarlett's body swept her blood clean of his grief and turmoil. Caleb's life, no more than a page in a book, spread out before her. No matter how many times she had read these stories, they were that: she could never know them the way he could. She could tell him that life was about living not surviving, but if she could not make the answer her own, then how could she make it his?
Inspiration strikes.

Scarlett has to sell It's a wonderful Plot but doesn't believe it Is wonderful. Insight: Caleb teaches her WHY it is wonderful and She'll teach him to remember it.

the other: Scarlett is the enhanced clone (of a mated Pair) that actually wanted to help people. The male original wanted her to be happy and is the Sancho to her Quixote. So if there is a Brannon running around playing Dr who for the military, then surely there is a Scarlett who actually achieves it.


Her Comp character is Mary Poppins (for evil people) and Poppins is a timelord too so... Adventures of... coming on.
"These Pull Plot out of the Air

Just wondering if anybody finds these of use...
"These Pull Plot out of the Air


A synopsis with sources for a few of the writing structures and outlining structures that I have found useful.Interested if anybody thinks this information would be useful.
Edited
Idea for a story:
A devil seeks to entrap a soul by offering love potions, free of charge.

A lovelorn man thinks about it, and agrees.

The devil's work is foiled when the man goes to his love, looks deep into her eyes, and drinks the potion.

The enchantment bedevils him, making her every action perfect in his eyes.

Of course she is skeptical at first, but the unconditional love he has found eventually calms her trepidation. She does marry him, because who can not be charmed by a man who has fallen completely and permanently in love with you--a man who is even happy with you when you reject him?

Epilogue: Unfortunately, the devil learned to make the potions' victims a bit more obsessive. (So don't expect to live long if you do this to him!)

  •   2 comments
Can you elaborate on the last sentence?

The story idea is good. But who is the victim and what happens?
Annette -

It's an epilogue.
Having failed, the devil learns to sell a lower quality potion so that the person who drinks it will later have to be gotten rid of--like the Twilight Zone episode, Love Potion $1.00. "Glove Cleaner"--Perfect Murder Potion--: $1000.00
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