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nick  
The book on chronology I ordered has finally arrived.
It's about time.
  •   1 comment
Now that one I really like. Clever.
nick  
I bought my daughter a handbag from Iraq.
She said "Thanks for the baghdad".
nick  
Just seen on tv that a lion at the zoo has got into the antelope enclosure and wreaked havoc.
Announcer said "That's the end of the gnus now for the weather".
nick  
• Edited
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-morse code.
nick  
I always remember one of my old teachers saying I had twigs for brains.
Just sticks in my mind.
  •   1 comment
*Facepalm*
nick  
I’ve been offered some temporary work at a dried fruit company.
I’m just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates.
Happy anniversary 🥳🎉🥳🎉🥳
*Music2* Happy Account Anniversary *Cake*
nick  
I've combined my skills at bomb-making and taxidermy.. I'm going to make you an otter you can't defuse.
  •   1 comment
Groan!
nick  
I tried scraping ice off my windscreen with my discount card but I could only get 20% off.
  •   1 comment
Groan
nick  
A man's invented an invisible aeroplane.
I can't see it taking off.
nick  
My Internet was down for 5 minutes so I went and spoke to my family.
They seem like nice people.
nick  
I had to go to the Doctor today, he said “Let’s start by talking about your weight”
I said “It was about 40 minutes, the chairs are a bit uncomfortable and you could do with some more up-to-date magazines”
Happy birthday 🎂
nick  
Thank-you so much.

Now that I am much older everything has started to click for me, my knees, my hips, my back.....*Ha*
nick  
I'm currently reading a book about a detective that solves crimes purely by chance

Sheerluck Holmes.
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