Zakuro Himara's Notebook

May 22, 2022 at 3:09am

Welp.. I finally did it and my anxiety is through the roof. I posted my prologue. I may take it down in a few days but... well you can't grow if no one reads it. I just hope one day my dream comes true and if not... well dreams are supposed to be dreams? I just want people to come into my world and explore it with me.

Comment

May 22, 2022 at 3:56am

You asked it not be ripped to shreds. Well, truth be told, it needs a really thorough edit, so I won't review it because I would rip it to shreds.

3 more things:
1) It is nearly all tell. There is a reason "show, not tell" is a mantra of most fiction writers.
2) You asked about passage of time. Well, that depends on the time setting in relation to this for the rest of the story. A prologue generally sets up the action distinct from the rest of the tale, and having a double time frame within it does not work.
3) All the characters speak the same. There is no differentiation between them.

My suggestion - edit this. Take your time. Go over what you want to say and take it piece by piece. Use character sheets. Have your world already built. And read in the genre and age group you are aiming for. Read a lot. See how it is done elsewhere and, without aping the style, get a feel for how these stories are written, how they grow, how the action develops, how the characters change. As a fantasy, you are probably looking at a Hero's Quest styled story, so I would also recommend reading about how those story beats generally go.

The thing is, there is an interesting idea at the heart of it, and the opening scene and the idea with the child and newborn are very different. There is definitely something there to work on.

So, good luck going forward.

Spring in my Sox

May 22, 2022 at 5:21am

I sent you a review. I hope it helps.

Tileira

May 22, 2022 at 9:06am

I sent you an email with some resources to help you edit.

It's hard to comment much yet. I get the impression there's a lot more in your mind than made it on to the page. Now you've got the visuals and the choreography down, it should be easier to add in the other senses and ground the scenes.

Zakuro Himara

Nov 27, 2019 at 7:02pm

Well, I just joined here today. I am interested to see where this goes and hoping others will give me some insight. I will be posting things as I can, but I have a tendency to lose interest in things... I m really hoping this will not be the case again.

• 1 comment

Comment

Schnujo is Late to Lannister

Nov 28, 2019 at 12:16pm

Welcome to WdC! I get the problem of losing interest in things. I have a brain injury from Iraq and lose interest in most things pretty quickly, myself. Thankfully, WdC offers enough stuff, between games, socialization, contests, challenges, friends, raffles and auctions, etc. that I have stuck with it longer than anything else since I sustained my mTBI. I hope you do as well, but if not, I totally understand.