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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/4fun
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85 Public Reviews Given
85 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Advanced beginner reviewer whose writing has improved because of reviews received at Writing.com. Grammarly is a must. Reading is a necessity of life. It is an adventure to discover a new author and speculate about them and their perspective. Writing.com is brain food.
I'm good at...
Offering support, but I can also present a different perspective. I enjoy a good argument and a difference of opinion and welcome the same.
Favorite Genres
Humor, Fiction, Spirituality, Romance, Philosophical, Family Saga, Satire, Young Adult
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Erotica
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Slice of life
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything too graphic or depressing
I will not review...
A piece that I find offensive.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a timely piece. I am 62, and my friend is 52. She is so hard on herself and blames herself far too often. 'I should have...', 'I shouldn't have...' I took the time to see her and realized how wise and insightful she is. Today I'd love for her to look in the mirror and appreciate her beauty. She's compassionate and generous. I hope she will continue to heal, feel worthy, and be loved.
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Review of Respect  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dude! This is an excellent piece. Camping along Florida's forgotten coast, your words recreated the setting. I hope this is fiction because it scares me. Shark fishing is not part of the kayak safety book.

It was a treat to read of your respect for the animal. Sometimes we forget, sportsmen are often the experts on the animals they pursue. My favorite part is his release. I hope he enjoyed the battle as much as you.
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Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a pretty piece and brought bible verses to mind as I read it. Your conversation with God seems real and mirrors my journey. My guess is reviewers before have pointed out incomplete sentences and missing commas. Grammarly would help, but would also attack the capitalization you used for effect.
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Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nevaeh,

I admire your piece. Your description of what a young girl and a young boy want in a relationship is insightful. It makes me think of young men and women in a nightclub. The female may be looking for a groom. The male may be looking for company for the night.

Your statement "When a boy scored on a girl, it's giving her what she thinks is love, but it's that poison" makes me sad. She had sex in hopes of having a longterm relationship and feels guilty and insecure. Is that correct?

You say women are too strong to sell themselves for that pleasure. I say grown women can continue to look for love in the wrong places, but I hope they meet more thoughtful partners and appreciate sex as a basic human need.

I am curious about the phrase, "Sit crisscross applesauce." Does this refer to abstinence until you are older? Is this what my generation referred to as keeping your legs together?

From the website Grammarly.com:
To is a preposition with several meanings, including “toward” and “until.”
Too is an adverb that can mean “excessively” or “also.”

Replace to with too in "it feels too good" and "too sinful for a child", "women are too strong" and "till it is too late."
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Review of Star Shine  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Quantra,

Your poem resembles messages from 30 years of Valentine's cards between my husband and me. The value of our relationship is how our partner completes us.

Your love makes me proud is my favorite line.

The one that hits home "No matter what words you say" reflects the sharp tone we sometimes use in daily conversation. How fortunate to have a forgiving spouse.

Forgive me for being the over-analytical female, but I am wondering if your wife focused on, "Even though others might find you dim." That isn't romantic and would lead me to ask the question, "Who said I was dim?" *Wink*
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Review of An Act Unobserved  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The last paragraph should read: He never saw the old man again.

Great story Lenard. You developed the characters well. I have a physical image of Andy but would like to know more about the old man. Haggard, unshaved, malnourished? The ring slipped off his finger because he hasn't had enough to eat. I hope he isn't drinking. I imagine a homeless veteran.

Andy is a good guy. It is a shame he prefers "the solitude of his own company as opposed to the obligations of another's." This relationship insight was thought-provoking.
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Review of I Was Content  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
No, no, no! You are mean. You ruined my romantic fantasy. I was thinking of ingenious ways for Mike to find Jess, her engagement picture for example. I'm glad the murder-suicide made him sick to his stomach, but if he doesn't feel some remorse for not preventing this senseless tragedy, then he deserves to stay upstairs with his video games, computers, and books.
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Review of Morning Routine  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Emma Faye, you rascal! Just the technical details from a church lady. Clergy members do not vest at home, at least not in the Episcopal tradition. There is a designated room, the sacristy. Capitalize Father when addressing the priest. Your story is undoubtedly Catholic. You would also include a Prayer Book in the pew. For us, it is a Book of Common Prayer. Include a hymnal.

Church ladies like me would have arranged the flowers, tidied up the Altar for Holy Communion and taken care of the housekeeping details. Pew cleaning takes place on special occasions, Christmas, Easter, the Bishop's visit, etc. The priest or deacon would also light the candles.

Reverend Deacon, is this a priest about to take Holy Orders? That would make him mid-twenties after seminary. I guess we can call him young.

Your Parish priest is beloved, and I fell under his spell until we ventured upstairs. Is this symbolic of Jesus? If not I need to know who is upstairs in chains. Your story reminded me of Bronte's Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester's crazy wife.
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Review of Release  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Their are no concerns should be there.

I value this piece. I particularly like "When we are born we are pure at heart."

Once at church, our Episcopal priest asked about the foundation of our faith, our evidence of God's existence. For me, it is believing in something pure, holy and without blemish. The closed I've come to that in life is a newborn. Your opening remark resonates.

A reviewer found grammatical errors in my writing and turned me on to Grammarly. I followed his advice. It is free and easy to use.

Your writing didn't mention joy, but I hope you encounter it.
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Review of Dream  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice and motivational. I'll try to live by this today.
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Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love it. We are in the wilderness and enjoy encountering wildlife. Squirrels have personality. One of the most entertaining was a rascal who enjoyed taunting one of our dogs. It was fearless and kept our two-year-old, Labrador riled up for a long while. Great job!
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Review of This Friday  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your piece. I've read and enjoyed many romances, and your writing was credible. The only thing I missed was specifics. How would you feel about adding physical characteristics about Al and Jess? I'd also like to know the setting. They are in school, but where did this conversation take place? Tell me the setting, what time of year it was etc...
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Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amir, good work. You bring out all my negative traits of stereotyping people. I'm thinking, "Where was he?" Why was his bride mowing the lawn? He must be a millennial, of the vintage which doesn't share my baby boomer martyr, work ethic.

What a scoundrel, fooling your beautiful bride and your parents. You remind me of the teenager we dealt with who could convincing parrot what we preached, but goodness only knows what he really believed. Sadly the corrupt physician was a credible character.

You reignited painful memories, the unfaithful spouse, involved with my matron of honor. Great material for a country and western song, but not an easy way to grow up. Forty years later and I am still baffled by infidelity in a relationship.

What a horror story! Please let some sweet young thing attract your attention before you gouge your eyes out! Great writing may involve tragedy, but where is my happy ending?

That sweet young thing, the one who keeps you from harming yourself will be wise beyond her years. She'll be too sharp to fall for your antics. She'll believe in you and help you become the man you were meant to be. No more hanging out at bar with this guys on Saturday night. You will be at home with this woman who saved you!
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Review of The Smoke Alarm  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your Halloween story is entertaining and imaginative. I enjoyed your mixture of magic with everyday family life.
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Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your poem is enjoyable and believable. You did an excellent job describing Karen, her discovery and love of nature. Believe there is one typo, the third stanza, second line should be too instead of to.
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Review of Letter to God  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Brian,

I'd be interested to find out how old you are when you wrote this. I have mixed emotions about the piece. After Columbine and other school tragedies we focus on the students who were bullied. We are encouraged to notice the outcasts, lonely children, to keep them on our radar. However, will my noticing them cure their mental illness? Can we make a difference and fix them or is their perception so skewed that our attempts to help would be invisible? Will our outstretched hand be of any benefit to the soul in the dark pit of depression?

This appears to have been written from a teenager's perspective, but as you wrote in your introduction, we can all relate to this. Sometimes I feel invisible and my teenage years were four decades ago. I am soft-spoken and sometimes not heard. On occasion I'll hear a conversation repeated when my spoken words are attributed to another speaker. You're correct, we're all invisible at times.

My mother would scold, "Stop thinking about yourself. Focus on someone else." That is my solution. Instead of "woe is me" in a social setting look around and find another invisible being and start a conversation.

I hope you are feeling visible and more loved these days,

Mary

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Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a thought-provoking poem. It speaks of recovery after a loss or healing from grief. It is as if the writer wants to communicate with the person who hurt him or her to say "I learned from this experience." All adults can relate to this poem. It isn't written from the debts of sorrow, but from the other side. Time has healed the writer's wounds. I felt a sense of wisdom and maybe even victory.
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Review of Morning Light  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Dear Turtlemoon,

I appreciate your poem. It is beginning to sound trite, but I frequently avoid poetry. A short story I can zip through. Poetry is deeper. It makes me be still and work to grasp the author's point. Isn't that weird since the words are fewer?

As a non-poetry person I am wondering if you intentionally focused on sight and avoided the other senses.

This morning I am exercising great discipline, spending time on writing.com instead of facebook.

I heard the birds through my open window. Our yard is visually alluring, but it also beckons to my other senses. The wet grass, chirping birds, etc....

If today was my last day should I spend it on writing.com, reading about life or go outside and experience nature?

Should a poem awaken all the reader's senses or does it depend on the type of poem?

Thanks,

Mary
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Review of Skills  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Paige,

You little heart breaker. This is a very good poem. Is it true? Are you young? Do you want the unobtainable ones and shun the ones who are too easy? That is a stage that most of us go through. I'm 54 and have been incredibly happy with my marriage of 25 years, but I remember what is like to long for this hard to get bad boys.

I've been active in women's bible studies. One leader suggested that we quit smiling when we remember the good old days. I disagree. I think it is o.k. to have fun and explore love when you are young. Everything in moderation. *Wink*
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Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear FSU Mom,

The time of day is different and I haven't had my coffee, but I can't see these characters. I can grasp the concepts. You took me on a journey of warring people. I pondered whether witnessing love would change hearts and give hope to the victims of poverty. I wondered if your piece was written about someone in history. You didn't make reference to a cultural or ethnic group, but I imagined Native American.

This piece wasn't as dear to me as Amelia Remembers which I am sharing with a newly widowed friend. Maybe that is because I know time heals grief. Why we go war doesn't seem as solvable. I like your suggestion that a newborn might do the trick. They are certainly straight from the hand of God and share His purity.

I enjoy your work,

Mary
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Review of Awkward  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Ashley Elizabeth,

I am a fan of poets, but not of poetry itself. I'm a little ADD and poetry is deep. I have to be still and meditate and let the words sink into my rapid pattern of thoughts and desire to move on. Plus poetry tends to be sad and deep and I prefer fluff and read as an escape.

HOWEVER, I respect poets, especially ones who capture a character and bring them to live for me. Your poem did that and I wanted to hug this lonely teenager. I know a hug from a 54 year old woman might not be welcomed by this lonely teenager, but I would care about their discomfort.

Conversation might be difficult for us, but I could darned sure bake them something tasty.

Excellent job. Keep up the good work.

Mary
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Review of Amelia Remembers  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear FSU Mom,

I love your story. I am a novice writer, voracious reader and I could see your Amelia. I love romance novels so initially I imagined a young woman. I was looking forward to some mysterious, handsome stranger in need of a hot meal wandering up into her yard. He'd help her around the house, they'd fall in love, etc.... Instead you took us on a more beautiful path. I rejoice in the fact that our loved ones remain with us. We can't reach them phone, but they are part of our fiber. They mattered to us. They shaped our lives and in live in our memories.

Yesterday I was on Altar Guild with a woman who recently lost her her husband of 48 years. She talked about getting a dog. I thought she was thinking of security. She said her problem was loneliness, not fear. I grieve for her, but at the same time I'm glad she misses him. We are supposed to miss them. We loved them. They are gone. She said, it just takes time. It does, but this process is bitter-sweet.

In time her wounds will heal and she will walk around with her sweet memories, like your Amelia.

Great read!

Mary
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Review by 2serious
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
You are obviously a gifted writer with many years of experience. I am very familiar with the song. Wasn't there a movie written along this story line? Your characters are real and fitting for the time and setting. Your descriptions were vivid, a little too vivid. She's right. She isn't a lady. Your story was easy to visualize, but I didn't particularly like the family. Possibly because they remind me of some of my relatives. I guess they get credit for having a sit down meal together, but there didn't seem to be much civility or love in the family.

As a native of Texas I appreciate your emphasis on home cooking and the oppressive heat. I had a sense of their poverty and hopelessness. You also did an excellent job of describing their narrow mindedness. Wearing makeup means you are a whore. You also nailed the emphasis on "religion", not Christianity or love or compassion, just that old time religion. I read for pleasure and to escape. Your tale was depressing, but that is fitting for the song.

The only thing that bothered me a bit was the slang. Are you a Southerner? I felt a little defensive about the protagonist's slaughter of the English language. Think about who you are, where you were raised and what you do for a living. Imagine watching a movie about you and thinking defensively. That is the emotion you evoked.

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Review of This heart  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ninja,

Your poem accurately describes the pain of being love with someone who doesn't love you back. It is so painful to be totally wrapped up in someone and realize you aren't even on their radar. I've been there.

The only grammar correction I'd make is line 4. It should read "when it knows."

Nice job,

Mary
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Review of In a faraway land  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (3.5)
Cindy,

Your story has the makings of a nice fairy tale. It is interesting, and I wanted to read more about the girls.

Suggestions:

You have some explaining to do. Why is your princess poor? Aren't her parents the king and queen? Does she live in a royal palace?

Grammar: Should read: In a faraway land lived a princess. She sat in her room. The other one stayed with her parents because...
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