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53 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
interesting twist to the story. i like that. so what your saying is they keep reliving and fighting the same war over and over again..that has to suck. I guess if you don't remember then it doesnt matter because it's like its the first time all over again.. I thought this part of story held a bit more excitement and was described well.. i thought it flowed smoothly and it held my complete attention the whole time.. nice job! :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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2
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
this section flowed more smoothly and evenly for me.. I found it interesting and was able to remain focused on the story before me. I found nothing in which i thought needed to be explained further. the descriptions were easy to visualize during the read. Its a wonderful story thus far and i look forward to reading the rest.

Keep up the good work!! :)
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for entry "Chapter IV-The Loss" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
It was an amazing sight to look at, with the rainbow liquid surrounding them and leading away from them, the designs carved into the walls of dragons and people using Fire of Color to summon them, and the ancient writings carved into the walls next to the pictures.

perhaps:

It was an amazing sight to look at with the rainbow liquid surrounding them, and leading away. The designs carved into the walls of dragons, and people using the Fire of Color to Summon them. Not to mention the ancient writings carved into the walls next to the pictures.

“Why would they make use walk all the way up this mountain, and then make us go do into its depths again?” did you mean make (us)

My name is Kye and I am the leader of these two, I am also the one destined to light the Lighthouses. ( if i'm not mistaken kyle isnt the leader of those two men that followed them. i cant remember which one was the leader but i'm sure its not kyle)

again you used kyle when reffering to the three:

Let me be so kind as to cure that for you,” Kye said gently, “as a…payment for you getting the Tablets for us."

and yet again:

“Oh I can use many Colors,” said Kye with a little laugh. “

it was a very good read but i found most of this story confusing in this section.. you used kyle several times not sure if it was kyle or the bad guy most of the time. But besides my confusion and reading it several times over to make sure it was read right it was an interesting story..


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
The second man had pure silver hair grown down to his should and jet black eyes that looked deadly. did you mean (shoulder)?

And the last man to walk out had no color in his eyes at all, they were nothing but white, his hair was a wild black mess and his grin showed off razor sharp teeth that glistened in the sun.

First I'd like to say never start a sentence with and. I think the sentence is a bit too long and could be shortened perhaps more like this.

The last man to walk out had no color to his eyes at all, they were pure white. His hair was a wild black mess. His grin showing off razor sharp teeth that glistened in the sun.

He could see the three men standing in front of them, telling them some sort of story, the other two disappeared, leaving the one with the crazy eyes, no, leaving Nerag there to wipe their memories clean with his Purple Fire.

Same here the sentence is too long:

He could see the three men standing in front of them telling them some sort of story. The other two disappeared leaving the one with the crazy eyes behind. No, leaving Nerag to wipe there memories clean with his purple fire.

All in all it was a very interesting story that kept a steady pace. I enjoyed the read. The suggestions above are just my personal opinions and suggestions you may disregard any suggestions that i have made.. Keep up the good work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Was this part of Zarad's plan all along? curious about this question did you mean Vero's plan

I loved the scenes in this part of the story, and how determined Zarad was to stay and help at the cost of his life. That he was willing to take whatever punishment they put before him. I do hope that Cyra makes it out alive.. I am hoping that this isn't the end of the story. I will say all in all the whole thing was a very good and intriguing read. it held my attention through just about most of the story. I hope you continue to write more about what's going to happen and post it. If not then i wish you the best of luck with it.. Its a great read and you are a wonderful writer. Keep writing and keep having fun with it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
i did find it interesting how for once wolfe actually was forthcoming and straight forward with his telling maddock about what was going on and why they were doing what they are. i am interested to see where this goes and what is to happen next. this chapter has picked up a faster but steady pace in my opionion and has captured my interest and fascination in what is to come. i am looking forward to reading more of this to see what it all leads up to at the end.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
i thought the details of the fight were very explicit, and greatly detailed. i thought the details of the story were very imaginative and well played. you painted a very gruesome picture for what happened here. i was able to picture it with little to no effort. Great Job!! I am hoping to see more of what has become of Zarad and Aloli from earlier chapters and the others from your previous chapters. It was a great read and very graphic.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
this was short but part of a back story to maddocks former life. i would assume that one of the men with him was wolfe but i could be wrong. it was a small but interesting look into the past. Was kind of sad to see that all three hadn't made it out alive, but well someone has to die right? it was pretty well written and had a steady flow to it and held my attention till the end.

would have liked to see a bit more of a history here and the significance of this part of the story to the rest of the book. again it was a good read. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
is part of the story was interesting. makes you wonder what black was in her former life. I guess it goes to show you don't judge a book by its cover. perhaps maddock will learn or has learned a lesson. i suppose as time goes by we'll see. although i'm curious as to who wolfe was in maddocks former life. i hope that as the story progresses that these questions would be revealed. even if irrelevant i always like to know the histories of the characters in the books or stories that i read. who they are? what brought them to the point their at now? and so on. all in all its was a great read and i really enjoyed it. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
i enjoyed this part of the story.. I love the humor that was put into with the part where maddock said its about time then wolfe said it is about time normally it takes a few weeks but with you.... it made me laugh..i thought the story flowed a bit more smoothly and held a faster pace then the last couple chapters. I'm still not sure why maddock was chosen though. they seem to need him for some reason but not sure why he's so important.. The further i read the more i enjoy your story.. its very well written and has alot of interesting concepts.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
the story seems to be picking up pace, and moving more smoothly, and has a nice flow to it. i'm starting to see more and more where its going but i'm still not sure why maddock is so important, why then need him, in particular, to help them. I like the fact that he's not modest and i really like his cocky personality. Considers himself a real ladies man.

I think the story is great, the progression is still a bit slow but i'm seeing it beginning to pick up a bit of a pace as i stated earlier. I still find it a fascinating read while i wait for parts of previous chapters left certain events unanswered to reveal themselves as time goes by.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
the story is good but its still a bit slow going as with the last few chapters, yet still interesting. i'm still trying to unravel these last few chapters but still in the dark. Which is a good thing. it keeps the reading wanting to find out what the plan is behind this part of the story and what Maddock has to do with it. I keep thinking that name sounds familiar from an earlier chapter before this started or just as it came into play. I might have to go back and look to know for sure.

I hope to see how all this connects to the prior stories and hope that it will all be revealed soon. Good writing techniques and its always good to keep people on their toes and wondering what's going to happen next.. good job!! :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
i am starting to slowly see where this is going. It makes a bit more sense in this part. I do love the idea of the mystery concerning exactly who is behind the human appearances. These twists in the story are certainly starting to prove to be interesting. Still left wondering where all this is going and what it has to to with what has happened so far, but i guess that has yet to be discovered.

This story leave you wanting more. always loved a chapter that left you hanging at the end. It always kept you going on wanting to see how it all went. Well done. Great story so far and great a great writing ability and very imaginative. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The story was pretty good. I was was a bit lost on it though not sure if this is part of the same story or not. I'm assuming it is as its with the rest of them. At this point i'm not sure what this has to to with the rest of the story but i suppose i'll find out as i move to the next part as i continue to find out how it turns out.

Despite the fact that i was a bit confused on this section of the story i still found it a good read.
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This held a bit less luster than the earlier chapter, but then it was shorter than the rest of them. I'm not sure i understand the part where he told her he loved her as she died in his arms. was it a dream? a memory of a past life? or was it something that was going to happen in this time?

All in all it was a good and still enjoyable read. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
this book is certainly worth the read. i find myself drawn for it even as sleep calls for me. I'm undecided on should i read farther or should i go to bed.

you weave a wonderful tale, the story is full of action and excitement. each new chapter just seems to improve more and more as each one reveals something new and unexpected. I have as of yet been able to see anything that was out of place with your writings. so far I think its pretty well written and i don't see any errors that would need to be fixed. Granted I'm no expert in these matters but I find myself completely lost within the pages of this story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
this part of the story started out a bit slower for me but still didn't lose its allure but it picked up nicely after the first few paragraphs and introduced a more exciting version of this part of your story.. I liked how in the end of the dying mans life it was revealed to him what was happening or its how it appeared to be. i guess in a way karma has a way of slapping you back in the face at times. I suppose their plans before incarnation aren't going according to plan.

i still find your writing very exciting well played. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
i cant help but feel for Zarad he seems to keep getting the short end of the stick. first he loses his love. Tastes the fear of evil as he goes to meet the elder chamber. then is coerced into being the caretaker of a sphere he knows nothing about. finds out his love is in danger and that all life could end. That is a lot of pressure for one being to handle and all in the same day.

The story still holds its allure on my as it keeps me captive in my need to see how it all plays out. It grabs the attention of the reader and pulls them in. not once has the story lost any of my attention. very good write as well as a good read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This part of the story was interesting. i thought the new character ninian was interesting. I'm confused on one thing he showed the medallion to Zarad and lets him see whats happening on earth then when he's done he hides it away again. was he just supposed to show him what could be seen with it to sway him to take the assignment or was he supposed to give it to him. In the previous part of the story in the last chapter i read it said that he'd help him make one.. or is that yet to come? just curious.

i like the farther that this goes the farther the plot thickens slowly unraveling more and more of a bigger plan. I applaud the way you slowly introduce parts of the plan in each section.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
the more i read your story or should i say book the more interesting i find it and the more intrigued i become to see how this will end. Each chapter i read pulls me further and further into it. Becoming one with the characters, part of the story. I find Vero to be more mysterious the more i read like there's more to him than meets the eye. I hope to learn more about him and this plan as the story progresses.

I thought your story was well written and well defined. You are a very imaginative and well spoken writer. Keep up the good work!! :)
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Review of Vampires  
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
i liked the concept of this story and thought it was interesting. I think it was very nicely put together, and proceeded along smoothly and efficiently. i would have like to see some descriptions on the characters and perhaps a bit of a history on their lives and what brought them to the point they are at now.

All in all it was a good story and i thought a good read. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
your story was very intriguing and the details very vivid. What happened to that poor girl chilled me to the bones. That was a horrible way to go. I had wished while reading it that she'd of been saved but i guess every story cant have a happy ending. This seemed pretty much like a supernatural horror story i think horror would describe how i felt as i read the events that took place. I also was able to feel the pain of what her charge was going through and i felt her pain, sadness and the sense of failure she felt from not being able to save her charge.

I think you did a great job with the detail. of all the stories i have read i will say yours was the first story i read that actually depicted a scene of horror in my mind. Very nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Time Takers  
Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought that was an interesting and amusing story of how much time we waste in our lives and what they do with it. I thought every detail was explained perfectly, as well as the emotions of anger where displayed and argued about with how mortals waste time. I really didn't see anything that needed to be changed or added to i thought it was done nicely. Goo job!! and keep smiling :)
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Inside the bubble he could saw (see) what looked like a miniature tree inside it.

Curiosity lured (him) to put himself practically on top of the bubble

He watched (as) the red being got closer, until he was able to see... a face! It was alive!

these are the only things i thought needed a small change but the as small as they are they are only suggestions..

I did find this part of the story very enjoyable, and easy to follow along. I am curious about the red being that was in the room he sent his mind too i do hope that it will be revealed later in the story as to what it is. the story had a nice steady flow to it and besides the few suggested corrections i don't really see anything really that needs to be done with this part of your story. Keep up the good work and good luck with your writings. :)
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Review by Alila Bryans
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
i did like the storyline for this part of the story. I found it a bit slower paced but still flowed nicely. i did like the explanation on the circle of life and thought it was an interesting way to show the lesson to be learned from this although i'm not quite sure what the deer giving its life for the demonstration had to do with zarad's current predicament with being separated from his soul mate. i'm hoping to learn more as i read on and perhaps as time goes by i'll understand more of what it was all about. all in all its a great read besides not really getting the point of the demonstration which could just be me i thought it was very well written.
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