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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Keeper of Secrets  
Review by Inordinate Allen
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a touching story about a little girl being helped through her healing process. Everything seems well written, and its been a task to find anything to improve on. The one point that I did come up with feels a bit like I'm nit picking.

That point being about the second to last sentence. It seems out of place and out of character; the tone is different than the writing around it. It almost seems like a summary description, pasted into the story to make sure the reader gets the point. Although the idea behind the sentence works great for the conclusion, I would re-word it. Something like: "Tasha had come to them broken by abuse, but Sandra's heart swelled as she saw the friendship with her horse begin the healing."
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Review of Sulfur  
Review by Inordinate Allen
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was very well written. The author really paints a picture and fills it in. The only things that stands out to me that could possibly be improved would be to flesh out her fantasy of leaving and to give more attention to the conflict.

The main char's struggle seems to be the determination to leave her current life versus her sense of duty toward it. Perhaps her life that she sees for herself, if she leaves, could be described a little more?

The conflict itself could be given a little more attention. The conflict between her and Drew, as well as the gravity of the situation that the farm is suddenly in, is painted nicely. How did that affect her feelings toward leaving? Did she still want to run to her bag and make a dash for it? When she first saw that the pigs had died, did it do anything to her dream? Maybe it just wiped it from her mind, and this could be stated, but maybe it made it all the more urgent. Maybe the army of young men in nice suits could beckon to her as she stares at her house where her bag is. They could look with disappointment when she turns back. Earlier, was she completely determined to leave? How completely? What happened to that determination and when did it happen?

I may have missed it, but I don't see the main character's name.

Overall, I feel that this story is very well written.
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