This poem stands out with its honesty and flow. It would flow a lot better if you cleaned up a few little grammatical errors though.
Suggestions/Edits born and raise - 'raised' - you won't have a perfect rhyme, but it's better to have flow. nice as i seem - capital 'I' todays standards - appostrophe - today's that i'm mean - 'I'm' it agaisnt them, i love them - 'against' and capital 'I' Its just the bond - It's (appostrophe) I've divded my - 'divided' It is a little distracting to have little errors like this, and takes unnecessary attention away from the poem itself. You don't have to follow punctuation rules, or even first line capitalization, or things like that in a poem, but some things still make people stumble.
Favorite Line(s) - So let me paint you a picture of the girl that is me - just starting off into the description and poem more.
It's evident in this poem that it comes straight from you, which is good. Sometimes poems can be too 'fancied' up and you lose the basic meaning and emotion. You did well with this.
Parts of it reminded it of me actually, although I'm not sure if I was in your place or I'm where you were. Did you get that? Well, at least, not everyone knows me all that well to judge me yet, so I'm where you were in some ways, but some things in the poem reminded me of my past.
This line for example - Its just the bond of the family name - is me.
Well, that's another story.
Good luck starting off here on WDC
and
Keep writing,
Allison Rose
~Cloudspun Ink Dust~
You have such strong emotion in this poem.
The word choice is fantastic and the comparisons also draw out emotion. Favorite Line(s) My smile painted
Though often faded - Something about these lines. This is probably where I was fully pulled into the poem. To once again flirt
With future pain - The wording of this is just fantastic.
I can't say much about this poem. I simply thoroughly enjoyed the read. Very well written. Congratulations on the award.
Keep writing,
~Cloud~
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Great write. You did great with the form - to my knowledge. It flowed very well with strong emotion. The use of titles/bands wasn't intrusive at all - added a nice touch - as it was a prompt as well.
The form - I'm not familiar with the Naga Uta form. I looked it up online, but still am a little fuzzy. I did, however, get the syllable count. 5-7 ending with 7. Great job there. You kept the rhythm and flow throughout!
Favorite Part/Lines
I'm thinking too much. - I don't know why, but this line pulled me into the poem all the more. It was simple and stood alone, but seemed to pull mroe into it.
love’s joy always seems to cost
too much, yet I pay. - an interesting view, and very true.
The ending pulled everything together and finished it off yet left it open. I love the last line, something about it really dug into me.
No edits or suggestions! Couldn't find anything that stood out, so yay!
You did fantastic with this. I'm assuming it was contest, if so, good luck or I hope you did well!
Very emotional and strong.
Great read.
I'm looking forward to reviewing more when I can!
Thank you again...
and keep writing,
Allison Rose
~Cloud~
The emotion, whether yours or simply a written emotion portraying others, shown through very strong. I hope it wasn't yours. Edit - Knowing that if was wrong; - it, I assume. Just a little glitch.
Favorite Lines - Living a lie from day to day Singing someone else’s song. - especially the second. However the ending line finished it all up beautifully and the emotion lasted to the very end.
You brought the emotion and the situation through, and sadly, it isn't uncommon.
Really pulled the emotion through in the beginning and the ending really stabbed or jumped out. The perfect ending line, in a sense.
In the middle though -
so much more,
too much more,
add your own words,
I have no more,
or maybe lots more,
but there is nothing more,
nothing is left.
I understand the use of repetiveness with the word more, but it distracted me from the meaning of the poem. I think it is the two lines -
I have no more,
or maybe lots more -
perhaps it is the use of the word lots that is bothering me, it doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem's wording. In MY opinion at least.
Perhaps you could, well, I don't want to say take those two lines out because it is your poem. Maybe you could sawy maybe much more? instead?
Well, really, this poem was very well written, and these are all simply my opinions. I'm sorry that it had to be written, but I hope it helped.
I cannot really say much except keep going on this! It definately caught my attention, but I think it needs more background, at least more added on. So I'm glad to hear you're going to continue with it.
I love this - “Do not forget, child, that I was the one to bring you back from the brink of death when your sire left you to rot, with nothing to survive off of and no sense of your past or new life.” s
The ending to that reeled me in for some reason.
I didn't see any little mistakes and don't have any real suggestions, except keep going.
Good beginning and ending, even though I wanted more - so really a good cliff-hanger, but if you made it such I would fluff out or add more conversation perhaps? Then you could make this more than a short story even. Well, I am getting away from the world. Good luck with this.
Keep writing,
Allison Rose
~Cloudspun~
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born and raise - 'raised' - you won't have a perfect rhyme, but it's better to have flow. 
Well, at least, not everyone knows me all that well to judge me yet, so I'm where you were in some ways, but some things in the poem reminded me of my past. 
