I love the way you have used a clock and a computer as symbols of new and old technologies. It was very thoughtful, creative and against all the preconcieved rules and norms. Computers with an ability to judge and understand emotion, the dreams of Renold and its peculiarity were the things I appreciate about your piece of work. Good job.
P.S. in the 5th para it should be general science class without an "s"... might be a typing error, rectify it :)
Initially I sort of got bored with the venues...from office to the bus tand and vice versa....I was expecting him to end up in a bar or cafeteria. But that was your motive to show how monotonous hiis life was. Well done. I have a lso read another script by you involving sarah and jesse. I liked it more, may be bacause I was able to identify with the characters. I think I'll call the previous one much more touching and interesting.
It was for the first time that I have written something erotic. I guess I've done the job well. Maybe I sound desperate but I'm looking forward to the promised 100 gps. The first chapter had some grammatical error. It would have been great if the body parts were described more subtly and in a manner wherby a person yearns for it or considers it to be intriguing and worth exploring....make it more implicit.
You are such a lovely person......while reading the whole thing I ahd tis really warm kind of feeling. I loved the title" P.S. I love you",,,,, It reminds me of my favout=rite romatic novel....and I love the photographs and the fact that the'y're dated far back....I've never come across things like that in today's world...
What I like about it is that its conventional, with everything going rosy and great. I like the way you imagined the most beautiful part of a woman's life, it was warm. I would suggest that you use the word lover or soulmate, instead of boyfreind because the word "boyfriend " accprding to me is too shallow to describe the gravity of their love. I loved it!!!!
It is the most unusual story based on the bible I have ever read..the verses you quote from the bible also insinuate towards moral ideas that you're trying to convey....please I'd love it if you continue the same topic and write more about ir....thank you.It was a pleasure reading your work.
I loved the way you've narrated the whole story...it gives me a really warm feeling about the whole situation...the best thing I like about it is that the protagonist is a male and I'm bored of love stories around female characters...Being a girl I'd rather like to know a guy's take on the whole scene...I loved the line:
"Then he lowered his mouth to her pulse, feeling it speed up under his lips."
That's a really subtle and lovely way to say that he's kissing her neck...see I said it and it sounded so...ummm...un-meaningful!!!
The plot is wonderful for some teenage...your work is pretty normative and very efficiently displays the prevalent social assumptions...Its entertaining and interesting.It shows proofs of authenticity....However what you need to work on is your grammar and typing errors...Apart from that things are just superb...write on!!!
I have been doing crunches to slim my belly.I cannot run or do excercises like skipping and all as I've recently (January 2011)undergone a knee surgery.I was very active before all this happened and I played all sorts of sport.But now when I can't do all that for about a year I feel like I'm fattening up...plz suggest some dietary measures amd excercises...
It is a woebegone side of the celebrities that you've so beautifully potrayed...its very literal and the ideas is a counter opinion for those who consider celebrities brats and maniacs......you show a level of intellect and understanding...that's the strongest suit of this poem...keep it up..
Joanna's character sketch is pretty strong.I loved to see a character with her own point of view and something new and different.It is a short story but the way you have narrated it...I can get a full picture of what you wanted to convey...great narration :)
People tend to try and fit in,and for that they don't mind change.Change can only lead to development that is what every one believes in.But what's important is that change occurs when something is bad and defective but I don't think you in any way are defective or in my words bad...we mustn't alter anything.Because the true basic form of an object is its utmost beauty...isn't the same with water...
The idea is wonderful...its beautiful especially the opening and the closing stanzas....though there are a few lines where you have tried to go on with the rhyme scheme but the meaning isn't that great as the 1st and the last paras...I like your thinking...you have a mind of your own...and that's rare....embrace it!!!!
I guess I am your fan now what you wrote simply matches my situation...my lover stays out of town and we usually call...its so tragic I don't have a cellphone and our love is pretty secretive...I am grateful to you for the fact that you unknowingly wrote something which I can feel and very easily relate to...thank you so much!!!11
thats hysterical!!! Its a wonderful piece of work..its satirical and has a lot of humour...you've wonderful narrated the whole incident and its pretty witty....its has a wonderful social message and is comprehendable.....that's the strongeat suit of your poem...it also reflects at the day to day battle of the sexes in most of the fields...
Okay first of all...I think writing is the best way let out all your feelings...its serene an the most decent and respectable form of expression...But this is something personal...I have no issues with people writing erotica...frankly I like reading them but dont you feel like uncomfortable??? arent you possesive about the most desired moment the two of you lived??? I'm only wondering
The lines:" when it was all over, she whispered that she loved me and that was the best feeling in the world"
show that there is something more intangible and deeper than all the touchy part and it has meaning only when love's the driving force
If youre' a man I adore you...I supprt men an its like rubbing s*** on faces of women who call men grunting pigs!!!
WRITE ON!!
There is a great influence of the darwin's theory of survival of the fittest which complies with the tiltle of your poem...there is a pattern in your way of writing and I would call it smart..I've seen people giving there views on political theories and events but nver read a political poem...a great experience for me...keep writing
The message is wonderful and the part where the grim reaper takes her away is easy to visualise...take care of the tense you switch to...that is thee most common grammatical error poets make..never mind a fantastic idea...it is dark if you look in that way...and shows more of paranoia than feelings which is appropriate at the moment...good work!!!
It is interesting and catches one's attention frm the very beginning..there are a few grammatical errors but never mind...u make it easy to visualise things and some of ur descriptions are to the point and sometimes jocular and the characters are strong...a wondrfully plotted extract...
Plz don't tell me...you know wat...I have reviewed like a 100 poems and write ups...but yours is like...perfect...I try to highlight both the pros and cons of a poem...but ur like...perfect...you amaze me buddy I mean I'm not saying it has a lot of meaning but...the way u start and end..its systematic and complete...u aint jumping frm 1 point to another..and as far as grammatical error goes..I couldn't find one so...great job!!!!
the poem is subtle...nature friendly and yes you feel calm and relieved...however the picture of the woman is very stereotypical...being a poet u must try to break those barriers...we're out of the scarlet O'hara days...girls aren't always supposed to be like dead and wan...but its fantastically free flowing and yes very clever of u to not to follow a definite rhyme scheme..I always suggest writers and poets to do so...great work
it is short compact but has a whole lot of meaning.... its satirical, a stress on individuality...it is smart of you to choose a female as your lead because it conveys the idea wonderfully...few of the lines should have been followedby supplementary lines but still good work!!!
there are alot of grammatical errors I sort of get your idea but whom r you like referring to as him in the second stanza??? I suggest you write in a free verse form its a lot more easier and makes more sense...never mind your first attempt is way better my first one....don't stop writing poems the way I did and read other poets to get a better picture...good luck
nice one...though it could have been more deep..and I guess its in reference to a long distance relationship is it???okay if this is inspired by ur life I'd like to tell ya that my partner and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months and I dont have a cell phone...my parents wont approve of it ...and actually they dont even know...so chill i guess ur plight is way bettr than mine and it will survive if u want it to...and yes communication is the key to every relationship...
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