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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/anadaya11412
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Review by Anadaya
Rated: E | (3.0)
I rated it a 3 because the subject is a common one and it is hard for me to be impressed when there is no element of novelty in a poem. There is also no real rhyme or rhythm so it reads like prose except for the repetition of the what have you/i done part. Style and language used is also average.

Some words were spelled incorrectly:
line 6 "forever",
line 7 i think you meant "independent",
line 14 "result",
line 15 "cruel".

There are some grammatical issues as well:
line 4 just be aware that "trust" is in the present tense and the rest of the stanza is in the past tense. It might confuse the reader.
In line 7 the expression is "used to be".
You forgot the r in "your" in line 14.

Some things I would change:
line 2 I would write "You've taken and given nothing back". It has the same number of syllables, so I don't think it will affect the flow of the poem much.
In line 14 it feels like it sould be "result of your actions" because that is the way it is most often used. Although I am aware that you are only talking about one action, him/her loving someone else, changing the way a common phrase is said draws attention to it. I suggest using a different phrase.
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