Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Wow! Very Intense beginning. Very visceral and real... You imagery is wonderful, you paint a picture well in the readers imagination. Flow and pacing are good, you draw the reader in nicely. As a former aviation professional I love that on the technical side you know your stuff and it is very sound. Overall from what you have so far you seem to be on track. Great writing!!!
What I liked the most: To be honest the fact that it is aviation based, i think a lot of other people will also. Aviation always garners a lot of interest. I also like how vivid a picture you paint... easy to "see" it as you read it.
Suggestions for change:
maybe 10-20 lines into chapter 1 "Suddenly the passengers started to scream as the saw and felt what was happening to the plane." in this line there is typo of "the" instead of "they".
End of chapter 2 "Dana turned around and looked right in to his dark blue eyes and said “I am now” then with out saying anything else she pass out and woke up in the hospital to doctors working on her left leg and a needle in her arm." in this the word "pass" should be changed to "Passed".
This writing made me feel: Like I was there witnessing the events... Feeling the emotions of the events... Awesome and solid write so far.
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Deeply thought provoking, content rich, deeply exploratory while content rich... Good read :) ... Awesome write.
What I liked the most: It speaks in mathematical language, gawd math is sexy lol
Suggestions for change: none, I really enjoyed the mixture of logic and emotion.
This writing made me feel: Like life is a precious gift, aware that all we leave behind is what we pass on to those who come behind us... In the hopes they pass it. Fantastic write overall. 33
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Awesome write! Loved it...
What I liked the most: The girl power contained within
Suggestions for change: Absolutely nothing
This writing made me feel: Like making me bust out into Cyndi Lauper or No Doubt.
"Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison
Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!"
[just a girl] by ~No Doubt~
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Kudos on a fantastic write... This piece really nails down the theme well. In a very creative style with great flow.
What I liked the most: The styling and format... Unique and interesting and you made it work incredibly well... very nice.
Suggestions for change: Nothing
This writing made me feel: Very in touch with despair... you elaborated well what it is, what it does. Emotional connection with this piece is very high... again great write!
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Absolutely loved it.... Fantastic write! Great flow, wonderful imagery... you really brought a daydream to life. :)
What I liked the most: Completely not what I expected when I clicked.... It greatly exceeded my expectations. I also really liked the fact it was very thought provoking.
Suggestions for change: Nada
This writing made me feel: Like a kid again... How awesome is that? Great Job!!!
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: WOW! ... Ok just a second.... ummm WOW! This story pulled me in right from the beginning and never let go. The pure amount of content, imagery and emotion packed into this are purely amazing. Absolutely fantastic piece of work!
What I liked the most: How deeply sucked in I got reading this... All the suspense and turns... I really liked this alot.
Suggestions for change: Nothing... I'm horrid with grammar and usage... From emotional, connection and visualization standpoint you were right on the money.
This writing made me feel: Completely engrossed in the story... It was very visual I could see it and feel it well... emotionally it connected strongly. Logically it flowed well... So not where I expected it to go and end up when I started reading it. Phenomenal write!
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression:First, to answer your question... Yes, I am definitely a work in progress. Second, My overall impression is this is awesomeness... Terrific write.
What I liked the most: The main theme... That we are all works in progress. :)
Suggestions for change: Nothing
This writing made me feel: Like maybe I am to hard on myself sometimes... Maybe I should lay off me a bit and except that things take time. This piece connected well with me. Fantastic job. 33
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: I personally enjoyed it alot even though it was written for your hubby. Very good write :)
What I liked the most: The insight, The Emotions expressed
Suggestions for change: Nada
This writing made me feel: Love... Thats beautiful. Happy anniversary to both your husband and yourself. Congratulations
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: I am impressed with a lot of what I am seeing.... fantastic write from an emotional standpoint... Flow is great
What I liked the most: Your choice of subject matter which has been common theme to my reviews in past few hours.... really finding some incredibly deep and powerful stuff.
Suggestions for change: Nothing.. as is works for me.
This writing made me feel: connected, understanding and in touch with the author.
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: beautiful and emotion filled... wonderful write...
What I liked the most: The emotion conveyed
Suggestions for change: Nuffin
This writing made me feel: Giddy... wish someone would write something like this for me lol... lucky gal.
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Very well written, excellent rhythm and flow
What I liked the most: This strikes me as the words of a true Christian and not a hypocrite. I am often persecuted by Christians. Even though Christ loves me and accepts me... Most of his followers are not true followers in this.
Suggestions for change: Absolutely none
This writing made me feel: Happy, at home, at peace
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Heartbreaking... I am sorry nay *hugs* very deep write
What I liked the most: That you were strong enough to share
Suggestions for change: none
This writing made me feel: I cried.... *hugs again
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Awesome flow, wonderful theme, deep but made sense... very awesome write
What I liked the most: The subject matter of this poem
Suggestions for change: Absolutely none
This writing made me feel: Like someone else out there might have a deeper understanding of what this place and life are all about.
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Well written, sucks the reader in and then builds suspense constantly. Overall amazing depth for a short write.
What I liked the most: The ending... definitely a deep twist.
Suggestions for change: In this line not sure what the question mark is all about...."Despite the theatric fa�ade which many of the performers wore on stage, they were very innocent people."... other than my confusion on that all looked good.
This writing made me feel: Entertained... I love psychology... very impressed with this piece.
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Very deep, wonderful flow... wonderful job
What I liked the most: It was more than I could soak up in one read through. I had to re-read a few times slowly to truly absorb it... That is my kind of poem :D
Suggestions for change: Only thing I caught was in author's note... in the line" When i ask for feedback it is on my style, grammar, punctuation etc." the lower cased i... Everything else looks great to me but that is my weak point. style wise I love it and like I said ... wonderful flow.
This writing made me feel: Questioning... Provoked into thought
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Beautiful emotionally... I had tears
What I liked the most: Very emotional
"Holding back sadness..holding back tears.
Holding back sadness..holding back fears." .... Favorite part
Suggestions for change: None
This writing made me feel: Very sad.. but it was beautiful and touching
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Any comments are not meant to offend, they are merely my thoughts and suggestions…
My writing strength: Creativity and Emotion
My writing weakness: Grammar and Usage
My Overall Impression: Unique... I could see in my head this writing being a performance piece. Overall though I think it was very well written and is provocative of thought. This poem is much like an onion and has many layers... I enjoyed reading it a lot.
What I liked the most: The duality of it... It is a burdensome question laid before the reader with no answer other than the duality's presented. On top of the Duality there is other layers, questions that bring the two opposites together.
Suggestions for change: Not sure if it was intentional, first line of last verse there is a lowercase "I"... only thing I saw upon study... creatively and flow wise it is solid.
This writing made me feel: Frightened at first...Human... Self aware of our mortality as humans... When I started to examine the layers of it though, it put me very deep into thought.
Writing is an escape, a way to freedom. No matter where we may be, we can go anywhere we like. We are free to dream and free to dare as a wordsmith‘s. We all have creativity, we all have wisdom and we are all connected. Writing has been a means to connect us for a long time. Keep sharing and keep the connection.
With Love and Light, Gabrielle
“I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.”
~Robert Frost~
“Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.”
~Truman Capote~
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/archangellight
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.29 seconds at 7:21pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Gabrielle